Star-studded crapfest

[prr]

Which movie has virtually no redeeming artistic or entertainment value despite the presence of the most talented performers? (I'm talking quantity of actors you consider to be worth watching. I'm watching ABSOLUTE POWER, which should have been retitled ABSOLUTE CRAP, starring CLint Eastwood, Gene Hackman, Scott Glenn, Laura Linney, Judy Davis, Dennis Haysbert, and Richard Jenkins, among others.)

[What Exit?]

"Casino Royale," (1967) Had an incredible cast but was blah at best.
Peter Sellers as Evelyn Tremble / James Bond / 007, Ursula Andress as Vesper Lynd / 007, David Niven as Sir James Bond, Orson Welles as Le Chiffre, Woody Allen as Dr. Noah / Jimmy Bond, Deborah Kerr as Agent Mimi / Lady Fiona McTarry, William Holden as Ransome, Charles Boyer as Le Grand, John Huston as McTarry / M, George Raft as Himself, Jacqueline Bisset as Miss Goodthighs (as Jacky Bisset), Even a cameo by Peter O'Toole.

Even the IMDB gives it a 5.1 rating. I cannot think of any redeeming or memorable scenes in this movie.

I just remembered a worse one:Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
It had too many to list and is a truly horrible movie. This bomb gets a 3.4 rating on the IMDB BTW.

[Tuckerfan]

Pearl Harbor. Lots of big names, incredible potential, both because of the subject matter, and that 9/11 happened a few months after it was released. Not a redeeming moment in the picture, and by the time the Japanese show up, you're praying for them to wipe everyone out.

[garygnu]

Pearl Harbor. Lots of big names, incredible potential, both because of the subject matter, and that 9/11 happened a few months after it was released. Not a redeeming moment in the picture, and by the time the Japanese show up, you're praying for them to wipe everyone out.

Not true. There were a few redeeming moments when Kate Beckisale was on screen looking hot.

Ocean’s 12, follow up to the good, star-studded Ocean’s 11. 12, however, was pretty much WTF the entire time. Good movie to watch high, though. You stop caring that you have no idea what’s going on and simply enjoy the banter.

[Wile E]

Alexander


I win. Actually, not really since I actually watched that damn movie on DVD. I would have turned it off but I was too paralyzed with boredom to even reach for the remote.

[Oliveloaf]

Space Cowboys was not a good movie, and it was loaded with good cast.

Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones, Donald Sutherland, and his honor, James Garner.

I still enjoyed watching it, though.

[sublight]

Dick Tracy had Warren Beatty, Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman, Kathy Bates, and James Caan, plus great supporting actors like Colm Meany, Kathrine O'hara, Mandy Patinkin and Paul Sorvino. And it was absolutely awful.

[maggenpye]

Xanadu. One of the songs came on the radio today and I had awful flashbacks to Gene Kelly doing Roller Disco.
Olivia Newton John, fresh from the arch satire of Grease.
Michael Beck hasn't had the most stellar career, but steady work.

Gene Kelly ... Roller Disco.

[Myrnalene]

I fucking *LOVE* Xanadu.

That doesn't mean it isn't crap, though.

[Baldwin]

The Last Shot (2004) had a good comic premise and a fine cast: Matthew Broderick, Alec Baldwin, Toni Collette, Tony Shalhoub, Callista Flockhart, Tim Blake Nelson, Buck Henry, and Ray Liotta. Should have been comedy gold, but somehow fell completely flat. (Not really a "crapfest", but a comedy that didn't work, which is sadder.)

[OneCentStamp]

Dick Tracy had Warren Beatty, Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman, Kathy Bates, and James Caan, plus great supporting actors like Colm Meany, Kathrine O'hara, Mandy Patinkin and Paul Sorvino. And it was absolutely awful.

And you neglected to mention the biggest name on the poster: Madonna.

I remember Madonna being surprisingly decent in Dick Tracy, but I wonder now if that isn't just down to the rest of the cast and the script being so awful that she didn't stand out for badness.

[What Exit?]

This is a good selection of Star-studded crapfests. I enjoyed Ocean 11 & 13 but 12 was disappointing.

Dick Tracy was actually terrible and I would never watch it again. I really disliked Xanadu and I love Gene Kelly. It was not his first rollerskating dance movie but it was his worse. I was fortunate enough to get bored with Alexander and just turn it off.

From the previews I could not bring myself to watch Space Cowboys and I never heard of The Last Shot.

Welcome to Domebo OneCentStamp, good to see you here.

[OneCentStamp]

Oh, another one: Mars Attacks!

The cast is so overloaded it's comical. Unfortunately, it's pretty much the only funny thing about the film.

ETA: thanks, What Exit?...a glance at this board makes me think it might be the cure to the things that made me leave the SDMB in the first place.

[silenus]

Virtually every Oscar show. Total snores, most of them, and you couldn't ask for a better cast.

[What Exit?]

Oh, another one: Mars Attacks!

The cast is so overloaded it's comical. Unfortunately, it's pretty much the only funny thing about the film.

I might be in a minority on this one, but I actually enjoyed Mars Attacks!. It was a very odd movie but parts of it made me laugh and I saw it when it first came out. I see the IMDB user rating is a 6.2 and three stars (of five) on Netflix, that indicates some above average liking for the film at least. I have not seen it in years, but I recall Jack, DeVito, Fox and Jim Brown had some good scenes and Lisa Marie pulled off the Alien Chick well. I probably would have given the movie a 6 myself.

[OneCentStamp]

Regarding Mars Attacks!, I will admit to a moment of childlike wonderment when I realized that Tom Jones was not just going to have a cameo, but was going to be one of the major players in the film. That was good stuff.

[jali]

I loved the movie, Space Cowboys. I thought it was sweet.

[sublight]

I remember Madonna being surprisingly decent in Dick Tracy, but I wonder now if that isn't just down to the rest of the cast and the script being so awful that she didn't stand out for badness.

I considered listing Madonna, but the OP specified "actors you consider to be worth watching," which Madonna has never been (though to be fair, I thought she was very good in A League of Their Own.

[prr]

Not. A. Fan. but she was amazing in DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN (playing a tough, selfish, amoral egocentric bitch who gets off manipulating men with vulgar displays of her flesh--what a stretch!!)

[Rube E. Tewesday]

I would say that the odds are always going to be in favour of a "star-studded" movie being a crap-fest. All those egos, the necessity of everybody getting the screen time demanded for a star of that magnitude, everybody doing a star turn instead of reactive acting...it doesn't make for an ideal situation for a movie coming together as a movie.

[Scumpup]

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World.
For a movie with an all-star cast of great comedians, this movie is depressingly unfunny.

[garygnu]

I LOVE Mars Attacks! It is a work of brilliance, not a crapfest. Its sublime disregard for realism, logic, and human life* is a wonder to behold. It is a perfect, natural descendant of Wells’s War of the Worlds.
*:[spoiler:26y3ad42]Speaking of “star-studded:” of the actors listed ahead of the title in the opening credits, only Annette Bening survives the movie, but Jack Nicholson dies twice.[/spoiler:26y3ad42]

[What Exit?]

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World.
For a movie with an all-star cast of great comedians, this movie is depressingly unfunny.

I really like that movie as a kid and still like it today. It was a fairly big hit at the time and still popular into the 70s at least. I see it gets a very good IMDB rating of 7.5. Even Jerry Lewis had a good cameo in it.

[Oliveloaf]

I loved the movie, Space Cowboys. I thought it was sweet.

I just said it wasn't very good. I enjoyed it.

Of course, I enjoyed King Ralph--which, actually, belongs on this list. John Goodman and John Hurt...C'mon!

[What Exit?]

Of course, I enjoyed King Ralph--which, actually, belongs on this list. John Goodman and John Hurt...C'mon!

I don't think I would call that an all-star cast. It had 3 stars and I am not sure I would consider Goodman and A-Lister at that point. Peter O'Toole on the other hand was an A-listed and pretty good in an otherwise terrible movie.

[Scumpup]

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World.
For a movie with an all-star cast of great comedians, this movie is depressingly unfunny.

I really like that movie as a kid and still like it today. It was a fairly big hit at the time and still popular into the 70s at least. I see it gets a very good IMDB rating of 7.5. Even Jerry Lewis had a good cameo in it.

For me, it isn't that the movie is totally unfunny; it's that it's not nearly as funny as a movie with that cast should be. There aren't more than a couple good belly laughs in the whole movie. There's too much humor-free time devoted to getting characters in and out of vehicles and such. Some of the cameos, like The Three Stooges for example, aren't humorous at all and exist only so the viewer can recognize the actors.
The Great Race is a more successful example of the mammoth all-star 1960's comedy; and it also suffers from too few belly laughs. What it does have, and IAMMMMW doesn't, is Jack Lemmon. In his dual role as Fate/Hapnick, Lemmon makes up for a good many of the flaws in The Great Race. None of the stars in IAMMMMW were able to take up the slack like he did.

[What Exit?]

For me, it isn't that the movie is totally unfunny; it's that it's not nearly as funny as a movie with that cast should be. There aren't more than a couple good belly laughs in the whole movie. There's too much humor-free time devoted to getting characters in and out of vehicles and such. Some of the cameos, like The Three Stooges for example, aren't humorous at all and exist only so the viewer can recognize the actors.
The Great Race is a more successful example of the mammoth all-star 1960's comedy; and it also suffers from too few belly laughs. What it does have, and IAMMMMW doesn't, is Jack Lemmon. In his dual role as Fate/Hapnick, Lemmon makes up for a good many of the flaws in The Great Race. None of the stars in IAMMMMW were able to take up the slack like he did.

Interesting point, considering the talent assembled, It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World should have been better, much better and it clearly fell short of being a great comedy. I actually find the Great Race less interesting though. It didn't work all that well for me.

[silenus]

The Great Race is one of my favorite movie. Everybody in it was great, and we got a pie fight that was genuinely laugh out loud. IAMMMMW, OTOH, was DOA. <snore>

[Scumpup]

The Great Race is one of my favorite movie. Everybody in it was great, and we got a pie fight that was genuinely laugh out loud. IAMMMMW, OTOH, was DOA. <snore>

The pie fight is one of the movie's successes. For me, one of the gems in the movie is Fate's scene on the bed with Prince Hapnick's pug dogs. Lemmon's delivery of the ad-libbed line "I hate you!" to the dogs is absolutely flawless.
Other parts of the movie aren't nearly as successful. The ending falls rather flat, for example. It's inexplicable why Fate is angry and ranting about winning "his way" when he already, in fact, won his way. He promoted the romance between Ms. DuBois and Leslie because he figured she would cost Leslie the race. She did. His plan worked. His behavior at the finish line has no other explanation than the writers trying to "funny up" a scene that was conspicuously lacking in laughs.

[Julie]

I love IAMMMMW. I think a lot of the scenes are extremely funny, and to the despair of all and sundry I find myself quoting things like "I got a truckload of furniture I gotta get to Yuma!" or "It just *slap* sailed right out there!"

[jali]

The Towering Inferno!


Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, William Holden, Faye Dunaway, Fred Astaire, Susan Blakely, Richard Chamberlain
Jennifer Jones, O.J. Simpson, Robert Vaughn, Robert Wagner.

[silenus]

Any disaster movie would qualify.

Earthquake

Charlton Heston
Ava Gardner
Walter Matthau
George Kennedy
Lorne Green
Richard Roundtree
and Pedro Armendariz, Jr!

[Rube E. Tewesday]

Any disaster movie would qualify.

Arguably, any Irwin Allen movie would qualify.

[OneCentStamp]

Any disaster movie would qualify.

Earthquake

Charlton Heston
Ava Gardner
Walter Matthau
George Kennedy
Lorne Green
Richard Roundtree
and Pedro Armendariz, Jr!

Shut yo' mouth!

[jali]

Richard Roundtree
shut yo' mouth!

THAT cracked me the hell up!

[What Exit?]

One of the last and maybe the worse 70s disaster movies was Meteor(1979)
It starred Sean Connery, Natalie Wood, Karl Malden, Brian Keith, Martin Landau, Trevor Howard, & Henry Fonda.

It was not exciting, well written or gripping.

[Baldwin]

I love IAMMMMW. I think a lot of the scenes are extremely funny, and to the despair of all and sundry I find myself quoting things like "I got a truckload of furniture I gotta get to Yuma!" or "It just *slap* sailed right out there!"

It's a good movie to have on the tv when you're doing something else but want to be able to stop in and get a laugh occasionally over the course of three hours. But sitting through the whole thing in the theatre might have been an ordeal. The Great Race also; they're both just too long to sustain the comedy.

[Scumpup]

None of the bloated 60's comedies were really good. "Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines" sucked. "Those Daring young Men in Their Jaunty Jalopies" was even worse.

[garygnu]

As much as I love The Great Race, I do admit it's too long.
All those"madcap" race comedies could use a good re-edit.

[RobuSensei]

Arguably, Cannonball Run.

Definitely, Cannonball Run II.

(up until now, I was unaware that there was another sequel...that's probably a good thing.)

[sistercoyote]

"[url=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061452/]I just remembered a worse one:Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
It had too many to list and is a truly horrible movie. This bomb gets a 3.4 rating on the IMDB BTW.

I love this movie so much, in part because of its spectacular badness.

But it didn't have a lot of "star" power, really - unless we're counting musicians. Actor-wise, it was George Burns, Donald Pleasance, Steve Martin...wasn't that about it? The mass scene at the end doesn't count.

[sistercoyote]

Ocean’s 12, follow up to the good, star-studded Ocean’s 11. 12, however, was pretty much WTF the entire time. Good movie to watch high, though. You stop caring that you have no idea what’s going on and simply enjoy the banter.

Ocean's 12 would have been much better if they'd gone with my idea for who was behind it all:

[spoiler:380l4hs0]It should have been Linus (Matt Damon) proving to the older crew that he could outwit them. That would have been awesome.[/spoiler:380l4hs0]

[What Exit?]

"[url=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061452/]I just remembered a worse one:Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
It had too many to list and is a truly horrible movie. This bomb gets a 3.4 rating on the IMDB BTW.

I love this movie so much, in part because of its spectacular badness.

But it didn't have a lot of "star" power, really - unless we're counting musicians. Actor-wise, it was George Burns, Donald Pleasance, Steve Martin...wasn't that about it? The mass scene at the end doesn't count.

I was counting the music stars so I see your point.

[silenus]

Arguably, Cannonball Run.

Definitely, Cannonball Run II.

(up until now, I was unaware that there was another sequel...that's probably a good thing.)

Hey, they're Hal Needham movies. Anything past his first three are, by definition, crapfests.

[OtakuLoki]

None of the bloated 60's comedies were really good. "Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines" sucked. "Those Daring young Men in Their Jaunty Jalopies" was even worse.

Bite your tongue! I won't say anything in favor of TDYMINTJJ. But TMMITFM is grand fun.

Once you ignore the main characters. ETA: The main characters being defined as the love triangle between the Brit, the American and the newspaperman's daughter.

Pearl Harbor. Lots of big names, incredible potential, both because of the subject matter, and that 9/11 happened a few months after it was released. Not a redeeming moment in the picture, and by the time the Japanese show up, you're praying for them to wipe everyone out.

Not true. There were a few redeeming moments when Kate Beckisale was on screen looking hot.

Just not enough to save the movie.

[Ludovic]

Troy. While the set wasn't that bad, it was pretty much worth watching only to watch "actors" "act" (i.e. play their stereotyped roles.) that said, the actors were cast perfectly (i.e. "big" pretty boy, non-big pretty boy, wiley fighter, etc.)

[sublight]

Similar to It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World and the "bloated '60s comedies", special mention has to be given to Won Ton Ton, The Dog Who Saved Hollywood. Reading through the imdb page is a who's who of classic film stars, many of whom it seems were dragged out of nursing homes and propped up for brief cameos in a truly crappy movie. I hope they at least had a good time doing it.

[sublight]

Arguably, Cannonball Run.

Definitely, Cannonball Run II.

At least with Cannonball Run, you got the sense that, even if it was a crappy movie, the actors were having a hell of a lot of fun. And that fun was infectious to some extent.

In CRII, it didn't look like any of them were doing more than picking up a paycheck.

[sistercoyote]

Arguably, Cannonball Run.

Definitely, Cannonball Run II.

At least with Cannonball Run, you got the sense that, even if it was a crappy movie, the actors were having a hell of a lot of fun. And that fun was infectious to some extent.

In CRII, it didn't look like any of them were doing more than picking up a paycheck.

I barely remember CR - except that I stumbled on it on TV a few years ago and realized - "Hey, that's Jackie Chan!"

What I remember are the bloopers from one of the CR movies: "I'm gonna stuff those bleeds right up your nose!"
Sammy Davis Jr.: "These bleeds? These bleeds right here?"

Which latter line my sister and I will randomly say to each other.

[Zenster]

Otto Preminger directed Jackie Gleason, Carol Channing, Frankie Avalon, Fred Clark, Michael Constantine, John Phillip Law, Peter Lawford, Burgess Meredith, George Raft, Cesar Romero, Mickey Rooney and Grouch Marx in the Sahara Desert of laughs, Skidoo.

Impenetrable plot, ham fisted hamming and just plain horrible production values. The "Plan 9 from Outer Space" of comedies.