The "Who would win..." Game

[AllWalker]

Who would win in a fight between...

... a fruit bat and a mole?

... Belkar Bitterleaf and Batman?

... a cloud of sentient nuclear fusion and a cloud of sentient dark matter?

... a Scrabble champion and a Bridge champion?

... my fist and your face? :twisted:

[garygnu]

Who would win in a fight between...

... a fruit bat and a mole?
Tie, go read Sun Tsu.

... Belkar Bitterleaf and Batman?
Batman, but only if he's prepared.

... a cloud of sentient nuclear fusion and a cloud of sentient dark matter?
The sentient cloud of dark matter, but it wouldn't survive the encounter, either.

... a Scrabble champion and a Bridge champion?
The Scrabble champ. Have you seen how insane those people are?

... my fist and your face? :twisted:
Your fist.

[silenus]

Oh, no. Belkar would so own Batman, prepared or not. That little fucker is just plain mean! Bats would be prepared for everything except a direct, frontal attack, which is just what Belkar would do.

[Wheresgeorge04]

... a Scrabble champion and a Bridge champion?
The Scrabble champ. Have you seen how insane those people are?

No way. Those guys don't know words, they know strings of letters. There are top-tier Scrabble players who don't speak English. I, on the other hand, can't wrap my head around those crafty, hinting Bridge bids. I give it to Omar Sharif in a walk.

Joe

[Oliveloaf]

Knife fight:

Woody Allen vs. Paul Prudhome

Kick Boxing:

Bea Arthur vs. Mia Farrow

Big sticks:

Oprah vs.Chuck Norris wearing oven mitts

[Wheresgeorge04]

Knife fight:

Woody Allen vs. Paul Prudhome

Paul P. You could stick a knife anywhere into him and not hit a vital organ.

Joe

[ivan astikov]

< cue trumpet fanfare >

And now, we have the main event.

For the Galactic Heavyweight Prophet title belt, we have -

Jesus versus Mohammed

Come on, lay your money down, fight fans!

[beebs]

For the Galactic Heavyweight Prophet title belt, we have -

Jesus versus Mohammed

vs.... Galactus?

[AllWalker]

Hmm... Mohammed is a warrior, but Jesus has the whole resurrection thing... not to mention Galactus, who eats planets but has the habit of getting defeated by Richard Reed...

Either way, I'm going to hell.

[Oliveloaf]

I think these pairings should stay in genre.

To that end:

Sipowicz vs. Barney Miller.

[ivan astikov]

But we don't all know who they are... do we? I've vaguely heard of Barney Miller, but I don't know if he can do a bit, or can take one on the chin! As for the Sippy fella, who da fuck, he?

[silenus]

Sipowicz in a New York second. Miller would never get his gun drawn. Even Wojo couldn't take down Sip. Fish.....maybe.

[ivan astikov]

Would Jackie Mason in his prime versus a straight Lenny Bruce fit in this genre then?

I note you didn't object to the combatants in my last suggested match-up being dead for a while.

[Oliveloaf]

Sipowicz in a New York second. Miller would never get his gun drawn. Even Wojo couldn't take down Sip. Fish.....maybe.

Fish was a God-damned bad ass!

Yeah, you're right, Miller was kind of a wus.

[Oliveloaf]

Okay:

Mr. Crabs vs. Pops Racer.

Discuss.

[ivan astikov]

Okay:

Mr. Crabs vs. Pops Racer.

Discuss.

I can't find any form for Pop Racer! How am I supposed to think about shelling out matches on this fight?

[AllWalker]

Oliveloaf versus ivan astikov

:evil:

[Oliveloaf]

Oliveloaf versus ivan astikov

:evil:

I bite.

[ivan astikov]

< cue Rocky theme >

I eat bread!

< gives oliveloaf Eye Of The Tiger and a Van Damme muscle flex >

[pedescribe]

FIGHT!FIGHT!FIGHT!FIGHT!FIGHT!FIGHT!FIGHT!FIGHT!FI GHT!FIGHT!

[ivan astikov]

I've trained so hard for this fight and now I'm finally getting the chance to prove I have the skills to compete with the best, so oliveloaf will have to do until they come along.

< throws out a lightning left >

[Oliveloaf]

I hate bread eaters! You going down, sucka.

(Mr. Crabs woulda won)

[ivan astikov]

I hate bread eaters! You going down, sucka.

You're toast, just you wait!*

(Mr. Crabs woulda won)

( I fancied him as well! The other guy was just too much of an unknown quantity to risk my reputation.)


*Are we playing up to the fans or are you serious?

[Oliveloaf]

I hate bread eaters! You going down, sucka.

You're toast, just you wait!*

(Mr. Crabs woulda won)

( I fancied him as well! The other guy was just too much of an unknown quantity to risk my reputation.)


*Are we playing up to the fans or are you serious?

(I was completely playing up to the fans. You?)

Bring it on!

[ivan astikov]

(I was completely playing up to the fans. You?)

Most definitely!

Bring it on!

< slaps Oliveloaf with trademark chain-mail and diamente gauntlet >

[Oliveloaf]

Pees in your shoes.

[ivan astikov]

While I'm wearing them? Is it gonna be that sort of fight?

[Boozahol Squid, P.I.]

This thread terrifies and disgusts me.

$5 on ivan for the win.

[AllWalker]

Normally my threads sink like a stone. This one is crashing and burning.

I consider it a win.

(Who would win: my best thread or the horrible abyss where forgotten threads go to die?)

[silenus]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs Xena, Warrior Princess

[What Exit?]

Sipowicz vs. Barney Miller.

Sipowicz in a New York second. Miller would never get his gun drawn. Even Wojo couldn't take down Sip. Fish.....maybe.

Is this a shoot out or detective work? If detective work I would go with Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich. In a death match I have to go with Tessio, I mean Fish.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs Xena, Warrior Princess

I assume the winner would be all the straight men in the audience. [spoiler:192fiv4g](jello or oil?)[/spoiler:192fiv4g]

I never watched Xena but didn't she kill/defeat Gods and Buffy never more than demons and vamps?

[ivan astikov]

Father Ted Crilly v The Vicar Of Dibley

[silenus]

Father Ted Crilly v The Vicar Of Dibley

Dawn French by a knockout in the first. No contest.

[What Exit?]

Oakminster had one about two weeks ago. I would love to see a grudge match style weekly game break out.
Who Wins: Frank Burns vs Les Nessman. Overall most people had Les beating Ferretface.

[ivan astikov]

Anyone know the origins of the "Celebrity Death Match" thing?

I know back in the 70's when we only had one telly and were forced to watch my mam's 'soaps', I used to imagine fights between Coronation Street and Eastenders characters.

I don't recall telling anyone about this though, so it must have developed independently, like Lamarck and Darwin's Evolution ideas.

[AllWalker]

Anyone know the origins of the "Celebrity Death Match" thing?

I know back in the 70's when we only had one telly and were forced to watch my mam's 'soaps', I used to imagine fights between Coronation Street and Eastenders characters.

I don't recall telling anyone about this though, so it must have developed independently, like Lamarck and Darwin's Evolution ideas.

Violence is a part of human nature.

So is comedy.

The idea springs fully formed from our very essence.

(Hmm... who would win, Human Nature or Evanescence? How about Darwin versus Lamarck?)

[What Exit?]

Anyone know the origins of the "Celebrity Death Match" thing?

Actually there are some claims they stoled it from Grudge Match as Grudge Match is older but I know Picard vs. Kirk goes back to the 80s. I think the idea has been out there for a long time. There were probably kids in Greece debating Ares vs. Apollo and ancient Sumerians debated Enlil vs. Enki.

[AllWalker]

Actually there are some claims they stoled it from Grudge Match as Grudge Match is older but I know Picard vs. Kirk goes back to the 80s. I think the idea has been out there for a long time. There were probably kids in Greece debating Ares vs. Apollo and ancient Sumerians debated Enlil vs. Enki.

Vishnu vs Shiva?

[What Exit?]

Actually there are some claims they stoled it from Grudge Match as Grudge Match is older but I know Picard vs. Kirk goes back to the 80s. I think the idea has been out there for a long time. There were probably kids in Greece debating Ares vs. Apollo and ancient Sumerians debated Enlil vs. Enki.

Vishnu vs Shiva?

I think Shiva would win, Vishnu is a bit of a wimp.