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Thread: Physical fitness OMNIBUS thread

  1. #1
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Default Physical fitness OMNIBUS thread

    I'm sure there's one like this already, but I don't see it.

    Someone can add to my current repertoire of:

    (i) pretending to get my 100 good-form pushup/presssups in -- meh, my biceps and pecs get enough. It's not that many, but I need them to be good, and after my job I'm just fucked, not doing it.

    (ii) meticulously, carefully extending and retracting my fingers.

    (iii) I will never do a crunch/sit-up, so forget it

    (iv) thinking about drilling some pilot holes in my roof beams, acquiring some hooks, and some pipe length, and doing it

    (v) ............. ?

    [yeah, I used to have a free-weight set I cobbled together, but that was in another town, and I don't do that again -- only body-weght stuff for me, just the basics]

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    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    I'm a middle-aged fat desk jockey. So my big exercise program consists of ensuring I get in at last 6000 steps and day. The funny thing is this little bit is already helping. As I go along I will increase my activity level while trying to decrease my calorie intake. As the warmer weather is finally coming, I should be doing more work outside and that is always a help.

    So all those years ago when I did work out, I relied mostly on sit-ups, squats & twists. Bike riding was a big help and fun, wish my knees worked better, I miss biking. I never spent much time in the gym and when I did, I used the machines provided, swam laps and loved the rowing machines.

    Never really did free weights.

    To everyone, get more active. That is a the best thing and keep going from there. Otherwise you can end up in terrible shape like me.

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    I was just saying in PM to the inappropriately punished poster Froody Blue Gem that I didn't realize I was actually strong in upper body than I thought.

    Like I was saying to her, I guess you never know what you're capable of until you try.

    I think a lot of it is being tall, that helps, and also just having the habit of walking and not being stupid with fucking around with your spine, but if you asked me a few weeks ago if I could pick 60+ sacks of shit and toss them with zero mistakes, zero injuries, and keep picking for three hours before some cocksucker decides you earned a break (meticulously counted to the second -- I enjoy taking out my stopwatch in front of them....people....and having them hear the audible click as I begin)......bahhhh...what I was I saying?

    Doesn't matter, but one thing that has not changed is that my shirt and shorts are SOAKED with sweat by after hour one.

    Like the salt stains around the sleeves (rolled up! John Travolta did it!).

    Did I mention that administrators who manually override the queuing/scheduling system suck dong?

    They do.

    Not smart enough, not competent -- they should follow the algorithms, and then bend over and let me ram a box crap right in their ass.

    Wow.

    Real management material. They're bright.

    ETA oh, Rocky/Bullw fans will like this -- this bitch on the rag (although I think she's too old) administrator.


    No shit.

    Her name is "Natasha."

    Well, that caused me at least an hour of trying to do an impression of "moose and squirrel" and other quotes in French under my breath this morning.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 30 Mar 2018 at 05:05 PM.

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    And, yes, that was the highlight of my workday, trying to do Boris and Natasha shit in a way that probably....I don't even think R/B/&F exists in France....maybe Francophone Canada....eh...I don't think so.

    So, no, I have no idea what I was saying, but it was hilarious, in a pretty stupid kind of way.

    BUT: as a recommendation for vocal-chord and mental fitness -- every day, spend at least a few hours saying the most disgusting insults you can in a foreign language you're pretty sure no one in earshot can understand.

    It's a warmup!

    And, yes, inanimate objects you are trying to manipulate physically should by all means compared in the crassest possible terms to sexual partners.

    Always.

    It is ape law.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 30 Mar 2018 at 05:36 PM.

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    Quote Originally posted by What Exit? View post
    So my big exercise program consists of ensuring I get in at last 6000 steps and day. The funny thing is this little bit is already helping. As I go along I will increase my activity level while trying to decrease my calorie intake.
    Thank you for giving what I consider excellent advice for anyone.

    I don't know anything about physiology, but I've been convinced for the past...I don't know...a lot of years...that walking, just simple walking is the perfect baseline measure to get moving.

    Works your core, improves your balance, stamina, improves circulation, and it's also just fun -- well, maybe depending on what kind of place you're walking around in, not always as much fun.

    I bet you're doing great -- I mean, what more can you do, move more and eat less, like you're doing?! I'm sure your situation isn't as dire as you say, and, even if it is, you can't do any more, really. I don't know, a good 40-day fast while wandering the desert or something, but who has the time! :smile:

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    A brief report (I can't remember the Kafka story title, but that's supposed to be an allusion to that -- yes, Kafka is three feet away from me on half a bookshelf, but I stubbornly refuse to go look it up).

    I think after months of doing three hours of strenuous exercise, followed by hours of less strenuous but still active work, I've figured out a few things:

    (i) I still sweat about 5-7 pounds of water during the first three hours. I suspect it has to do with alcohol intake, retaining intercellular water -- that's got to be expelled, apparently. And I still drink a lot of water, so not all of that is absorbed or retained, despite a pretty high-sodium diet.

    (ii) Psychologically, I think basically being forced to do the effort non-stop, where, on my own, I'd be taking breaks all the time, is interesting. I suppose I could shuffle my feet and not work at 100%, but I would get bored. I think there's some value to "guided" or "supervised" exercise sessions -- I guess that's why people use personal trainers, or sign up for classes at gyms and all that

    (iii) my gut has become quite a bit more lean. No six-pack abs visible, but I'm on the last notch of one belt. I don't know how to measure upper-body strength, but it's considerable, even though I don't have the bulk of a Schwarzenegger or a Weathers.

    (iv) Should do some traditional pushups and pullups, just to get something to compare to, but the last thing I want to do after every day coming home is do more exercise.

    (v) Even though I'm not immune to spastic coughing fits, I think there's something to do the idea that anaerobic work complements cardio health. Not very often do I get short of breath.

    CONCLUSION:

    You should all volunteer to work gratis at an Amazon warehouse.

    Jeff Bezos needs your support. For he is a mere pauper in spirit, and one must support his insanely idiotic efforts.

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    This is funny.

    I just did an impromptu "half-assed assessment" of my biceps and triceps -- LH is noticeably smaller in density than RH.

    I've been trying, while lifting these ~100 lb sacks, to use deliberately slow, almost gentle technique -- like, in a pushup or a bench press, you know, take as much time descending as lifting, instead of half-assing it and just using leverage and sort of toss the weights.

    I've been doing that about a week, and the "burn" on the muscles is considerably better.

    Well, I guess the next step is to try to prioritize the LH (I don't know, left arm/shoulder/left back muscles, I guess is more like it).

    I did enjoy trying to "drive" these racks-on-wheels one-armed.

    It has the benefit that it demonstrates I know how to treat a woman, and it's also a bit of a work out for the pecs.

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    Do not eat two Red Baron frozen pepperoni pizzas in a sitting.

    Also, while possible, one should refrain from eating five Taco Bell soft tacos followed by eight chimichangas.

    I justify my experimentation under the heading of "physical fitness," because I think my stomach has become very small, and I'm trying to accomodate it to accept larger amounts of food, so that when I hydrate in the morning, I don't end up vomiting water into the sink.

    This is a public service announcement. Many bothans died to get you this information.

    You can eat up to two roasted porgs, though, as a meal, provided they are roasted sufficiently to kill the parasites.

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    Also, always be taking Ibuprofen.

    Inflammation goes hand-in-hand with muscle pain, IMHO.

    Do never not be taking ibuprofen, unless your renal system is compromised.

    Always seek to repair damaged muscle tissue by rest and application of ibuprofen.

    It is ape law. But apes probably have a more hardy gut and stomach, what with the termite-eating. Hard on the stomach, I find.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 18 Jun 2018 at 07:44 AM.

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    Lucky me, I found a corner in the back of the warehouse that has a sturdy metal girder about 10 ft above the ground. (It's a semi-converted warehouse near the docks that used to make or do stuff to locomotive cars, so there's a bunch of old remnants of cool stuff around).

    One would think that's ideal for doing some impromptu pull-ups.

    However, that's ignoring that the pull-up is the hardest fucking exercise I've ever done. I can't even get my chin within eight inches or so of the "bar."

    In conclusion: that is a fucking hard exercise. I have fairly large biceps, strong back, good core but that's not enough.

    Maybe I should have one of my female coworkers whip me as I try, for inspiration.

    ////////

    ETA Oh, I tried using primarily my left arm to carry the weight and use rotation to manipulate heavy objects at work. That seems successful. However, it also makes me appear like a wuss, IMHO, because I'm not as fast and adept using my non-dominant arm.

    So, to solve that, I will also need women to whip me.

    But the Russian FOB who asked for help lifting a heavy bag did say, "You so strong!" So positive reinforcement is good.

    But mainly whipping.

    While shirtless. Both.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 19 Jun 2018 at 07:34 PM.

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    Conclusion: on days when my muscles aren't too sore, I can try one-armed pushups using my left arm only.

    I predict I will barely be able to do one, but that is the probably the only reasonable solution.

    It's possible using a one-armed hanging from a horizontal bar and exerting some contracting force would do about the same.

    But neither requires going to this miserable "exercise room" in the condo clubhouse and using weights.

    Corollary: if an exercise can't be done using using a horizontal bar or sheer body weight, it's not worth it, except for über-jocks.

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    I don't think so.

    While my biceps are noticeably more impressive, and the deltoid muscles obviously do their share.

    I'm not sure that this development has any kind of translation to any other kind of exercise of a useful kind.

    Good for lifting, good for endurance — I extend endurance and durability to the wrists and forearms.

    I don't think there's any kind of transference to other activities IRL. So, I can lift heavy things in a controlled manner.

    It's shit for piano/keyboard work — in fact, kind of the opposite. I guess it can be good for fighting, but not wanting to be imprisoned for assault, that doesn't matter to me.

    General health?

    Yeah, I guess so.

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    All right, this is going to be the summer I'm going to finally nail my tennis serve.

    Nothing fancy, Andy Roddick, or anything.

    I've just been hit-and-miss and occasionally nail the "target" (say, a 4 inch x 4 inch zone), very similar to my pool playing.

    Nah.

    Since I'm just jacking off working in this fucking warehouse, I can at least get my serve consistent. The rest of my game is, I'm pretty confident, still there: strong volley-at-the-net technique, strong two-handed backhand, good placement and power in forehand.

    So, serve technique and, related, be able to smash a lob and crush my opponents into womanly tears.

    It's just kind of a PITA — I think I have a few dozen balls, but not a caddy device, which means a lot of running around shagging balls.

    It's also unpleasant and hazardous to play in the direct sunlight.

    Probably on a par with driving automobiles, but certainly much more hazardous than using tobacco, of course.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 17 Jul 2018 at 03:06 PM.

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    Jesus fucking Christ.

    My biceps have become extremely large.

    Not Carl Weathers/Arnold Schwarzenegger arm-wrestling large, but, still, large enough that even I can notice with my shit eyesight.

    Still not sure what advantage that gives me, but it's kind of cool.

    No, that's no "posing" or "oiling up," just apparently that's what happens doing physical labor for a few months.

    Also, forearms developing as, I suppose, a side-effect.

    Starting tomorrow I'm beginning to tape up my forearms with Ace-style bandages. Attempt to stave off tendonitis. Don't know if I can wrap tight enough, but the commercial wrist stabilizers at the drugstores are stupid expensive, plus, can't really try them on easily in the store.

    I figure a tight wrap with some bandages will provide some support.

    I am very pleased that, just glancing in the mirror, it looks like I could subdue a predator with my bare hands. And that's with no gymnasium workout or weights.

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    Jesus.

    I'm walking around like fucking Frankenstein's fucking monster.

    Ridiculous.

    I play or played the fucking piano ferchrissakes. I guess it's OK to be able to kill someone with your bare hands, but it's not my life's goal.

    Well, I guess there's not much to be done. I'm stuck in this job until something better comes along, and it is kind of nice to have these "glamor" muscles. At least I can hit something or someone really hard if I want to.

    But, I don't want to.

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    Hunh.

    Apparently using a compression-granting elastic-like fabric wrapped bandage about one's forearms is not too odd in public, however, the sympathetic "vibes" one gets from "people" is really not worth it.

    I suspect a purpose-built wrist-forearm elastic brace in the classic black might be worth the outrageous expense (that's like a case of beer! for ONE arm! outrage!), instead of the hospital beige half-unwrapped neo-Mummy look the classic "Ace"-style bandages impart.

    Quote Originally posted by Jizz
    I'm not sure that this development has any kind of translation to any other kind of exercise of a useful kind.
    I don't know about that.

    Probably splitting and chopping wood.

    Maybe rowing a boat.

    Not real handy skills to put on the old CV.

    ETA Unless it's under "skills/talents" as an actor, then you can say: "almost do good like Charles Bronson." (yes, I saw the movie Bronson, it was film-student-level crap).

    OR, Jesse Ventura in Predator. Not quite there yet.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 27 Jul 2018 at 02:59 PM.

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    I think I should start preparing for my first heart attack. I don't even remember how old I am — 42, I think, or maybe 43.

    Well, whatever, I don't think I can live like a poor-man's Charlie Sheen and escape a stroke or a heart attack for long.

    So, in the spirit of the thread, I must be able to beat Jesse Ventura or his vintage-era simulacrum to death with my bare hands.

    Without lifting weights.

    I think I can do about 70% of the Dutch-Dylan arm-wrestling now (Predator), but the wrists and forearms need progress.

    Coincidentally, those are the muscles and tendons needed for a strong serve in tennis.

    Also, coincidentally, those are not the areas to develop for piano technique*, unless doing some macho stuff like Argerich's performances of the Scarlatti K141 (? the one with the brutal repeated notes at a very brisk tempo). In my defense, nobody plays it like Argerich, and she has massive forearms, AFAIC to this day.

    OTOH, plenty of jazz pianists with brisk, supple technique had powerful delts and biceps. Red Garland's the best example, but Champion Jack DuPree is another, although his style was more closer to my own, viz., just pound at the keys like a boxer.

    * of course I shall expand. IMHO and IME muscular development in any area, but especially the forearms, is an impediment to developing lightning-fast,effortless, fluent passage-work from the repertoire. IMHO the technique at the keyboard is exactly the opposite of how one does on guitar in the fret-hand — everything is falling-down and natural. Not that guitar is "unnatural," it's just, on the fret-hand, contracting rather than, as in keyboards, letting the hands and fingers (and forearms and shoulders) fall down without contracting any of the tendons.

    Don't believe me? Do the G maj. prélude from Chopin's Op. 28.

    Can't be done with even a soupçon of stress or "pushing/contracting" action from the tendons in the hand. There's no pushing at all, but it's still rather difficult.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 28 Jul 2018 at 05:10 PM.

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    All right, just finished another six-day week doing an extra shift at my paid-to-work-out "job."

    I conclude that there is some value in endurance at repetitive strength-using exercises most days, but I also observe that a period of healing for the torn muscle fragments is necessary.

    However, I think the usual nerd thing of making a schedule of "do that one day, then rest, then blow your monkey grandmother, then repeat" is a bunch of bullshit.

    Just fucking do it.

    It sucks, but it hasn't killed me. One day off is good enough.

    A little pussy would do me fine, but I'm not dead yet, so it's fine.

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    I found an interesting "exercise" to do during spare moments yesterday: namely, discreetly use the same motions of the arm "in the air," i.e., "leading" with the shoulder and upper arms.

    HOWEVER, take the motions needed to do the C-major three-part invention of Bach: can't avoid the finer use of the fingers, but the motions can still be abstracted, into using the tendons of the upper arm, extending into the hand, while imagining the right finger motion (which is really wrist motion, from the tendons of the forearm).

    That's a perfect example: abstraction from actually playing the piece (hey, I like it, and usually play it as part of a daily exercise from many others of the Bach sinfonias).

    Why is it a "perfect example"? It's that it is easy to work on abstracting-away relatively minor passage-work mentally, while being able to practice control of the upper body in a discreet way.

    Anyway, I find such exercises instructive, from the point of view of technique.

    And the abstraction has an additional benefit, namely, in that one isn't advertising in an obnoxious or distracting way the particular discipline one is thinking of. No, I've never done that since outgrowing the "playing air guitar" middle-school stuff, but it's still a benefit. Sort of like a more sophisticated way of playing air guitar, when focus is on technique.

    So, that's really it: abstracting the physical movements in detail away, and finding ways to develop the techniques in a larger sense that one requires.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 01 Aug 2018 at 06:44 AM.

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    And, to clarify, yes, good keyboard technique is IMHO all about coordinating the upper body, including especially the shoulders/delts.

    Most of the technique for keyboard work is mental, and about having the right balance between relaxation and smoothness in the upper body, including the arms, while mentally recalling the patterns of using the tendons extending into the hand, which doesn't IMHO need to be practiced away from the keyboard, just considered in some detail. Especially if one has a basic "baseline" technique or experience at executing passage-work.

    I think today I'm going to fold up a photocopy of one of Scarlatti's pieces and stick it in my pocket. For the reason(s) I described above.

    Wrist rotation, arm-leading, stamina, and a very good memory and understanding of the piece is really sufficient to begin to learn any given piece at a modest level. THEN you can work at the keyboard to do the smaller, finer-grained work.

    Keyboard work is not, actually, that hard. I suspect many of the child wizards one sees from time to time is not the result of deliberate mental preparation, but more a rote repetition at the physical layer.

    I think my way is better, more musical, and more versatile.

    ETA And, yes, I like the C-maj Sinfonia played quite briskly, typewriter-like, almost. I respect András Schiff's more romantic, effusive interpretation, but I prefer it done quite quickly, with maximum articulation. Not for all the Sinfonie of Bach — in fact some of them I have to play pretty slowly (but with a steady pulse), like the D maj, the A maj., etc., just because of not having figured out the right division between the hands. For those who don't know, usually you have to study Bach's scores ahead of time and figure out which hand is going to cover which part. After all, nobody has three hands, much less four or five for some of his other stuff. So, that has to be figured out, or you have to read pretty slowly at the keyboard and figure it out ad hoc.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 02 Aug 2018 at 06:31 AM.

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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    I don't even remember how old I am — 42, I think, or maybe 43.
    That's 39 to you, buster.

    Quote Originally posted by Jizz
    ETA And, yes, I like the C-maj Sinfonia played quite briskly, typewriter-like, almost. I respect András Schiff's more romantic, effusive interpretation, but I prefer it done quite quickly, with maximum articulation.
    That's true, but I respect alternative interpretations. IMHO everything about the pulse suggests a rather quick, precise interpretation. Anyway, sometimes I need to look at the score to remember the notes.

    Also, IMHO, the C-minor sinfonia should be played quickly. As should the G-major. The D-major should be more moderato, as should the A-major.

    And, I may have mentioned elsewhere, the E major should be played rather quickly indeed.

    In fact, it's only the minor-key three-part inventions (the D-minor and the F-minor, especially), that can handle the funereal tempi. I don't play those that often, because, for me, there's better things in Bach that do more with that dirge-like feeling.

    ETA And I should say I still regard the Sinfonie very highly: even though they are basically student pieces, like the French Suites, I think they're extraordinary (in some cases) pieces of music and masterly lessons in improvisation and composition. And, while they're not "easy" pieces to play, I find the whole set to give a good alternative to running scales, although I still find making exercises out of scales to be of interest.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 03 Aug 2018 at 06:58 AM.

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    Well, saw my regular physician for an annual check-up yesterday.

    Blood pressure: 138/70. I'm happy enough with that, at least the diastolic. I did just eat lunch, with two liters of wine, and smoked a cigarette minutes before, which may explain the elevated systolic number. And only the nurse checked this time: the doctor didn't do a second reading. Not worried about that.

    Also, he doesn't tend to share my weight taken with his balance, even when asked, but even though I don't have a working scale of the right size at home, I can tell roughly by the size of my gut and how much water I feel I've retained. I suppose he feels that his services are more important than being some kind of Weight-Watchers clinic.

    He agreed with me that many dozens of vans driving in a mostly-enclosed space is considered harmful.

    correction to above post: the E minor three-part invention should also be played quite slowly, and that one I do or did play pretty often. Almost an Eastern (western Asian) wheedling out of the melody, which I find unique and interesting.

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    Wow. I think I screwed up my back today.

    HOWEVER, I think it is not a spinal problem, but a result of using the "lats" more than usual, involving more twisting than usual.

    It is my theory, as someone who knows basically nothing about physiology, nor even gross anatomy (yes, I have the textbooks, and even the Schaum's Outlines, but it just doesn't sink in my brain on casual reading, especially when all I care about are delts, arms, and tendons in the hands), that it is no different than, say, a regular person pounding out a few hundred pushups and feeling sore the next day.

    A lifting belt would be of help, I believe, in addition to purpose-built wrist/forearm braces, but I have limited resources and it's earmarked for beer and some bedbug-proof coverings for mattress and boxspring. And a new ballcap that fits my 7.75 skull and has a really long bill, like David Lynch has been known to wear on set.

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    Oh yeah, if you find yourself sitting at an office chair which sucks (i.e., all of them), this trick I learned off a street urchin works OK. Just take an empty bag of boxed wine, inflate it like a balloon to taste, and it's not only an extremely good improvised pillow, it's disposable and unlikely to harbor bugs of various kinds.

    I recommend highly.

    OR, as an alternative, take your eco-friendly cloth grocery bag, put two 24-oz. beer cans (full) in it, and use as a supportive and restorative back rest.

    Meh, I don't think cabbies use those wooden bead back cushions anymore, and anyway, mine are effective, improvised solutions.

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