Bob: [whispering] "Listen closely. I'd like to help you but I can't. I'd like to tell you to take a copy of your policy to Norma Wilcox on... Norma Wilcox, W-I-L-C-O-X... on the third floor, but I can't. I also do not advise you to fill out and file a WS2475 form with our Legal Department on the second floor. I would not expect someone to get back to you quickly to resolve the matter. I'd like to help, but there's nothing I can do."
"I'm notifying in advance my absence today. Per the new attendance policy, I expect zero deductions from UPT. I observe symptoms, but I also don't have the tools to self-diagnose. I suspect a non-zero chance that I might be infectious and would rather not be an inadvertent carrier and risk the health of my coworkers today, despite my excellent habits of preventative hygiene. If AMZL does not abide by its current official statement and insists on docking my UPT, that would be noteworthy indeed." — somebody's slightly snotty screed reporting, as a courtesy, his or her absence from work today.
Aside, I"m guessing The Incredibles might actually be worth looking at! I don't know where I got that idea, but maybe I'll have to check it out. Not so much into the cartoons, but maybe that'll be a worthwhile change of pace!
"Actually, I'm going to be forwarding your non-specific request to our
regional manager, as well as my local HR representative.
I don't think you understand that there are some actionable
consequences, and while I'm sure you represent a fine firm, indeed,
there are some problems with your "claims."
I don't have the resources or time to retaliate, but I believe it's
fair to say you've opened yourself, on behalf of your firm, to a
tortious claim on the behalf of AMZ, and you've also wasted my time,
which I cherish, as I'm sure you do.
Regrettably yours,
J____ E ________"
— my portion of a forwarded e-mail to my HR rep and my regional manager.
Did I mention I'm kind of in a bad mood today? Just a few days ago some people I like just lost a cool quarter million overnight because of this ridiculous panic in the streets. Granted, it's not my money, but it's just a bad scene.
ETA Oh, some context, some third-party firm pretending to headhunt/scavenge for what they claim are AMZ jobs. AFAIK, it's complete bullshit: I wasn't born yesterday, you know. So, yeah, I cc'ed my reply, quoted above, together with the whole quotes from who I'm pretty sure is just some jackass troll.
Is something going to happen as a result? No, probably not, but I'm pretty sure that's a ten minute job for HR to get legal on the spammers to STFU.
And, yes, I'm in a bad mood, so, fuck them.
Last edited by Jizzelbin; 10 Mar 2020 at 06:44 PM.
Yes, by all means, check out The Incredibles - my all-time favorite Pixar movie, and sure to lift your spirits. A fun, clever superhero movie with surprising emotional resonance:
"I may be an alarmist, I may be entirely wrong about the whole matter, but I've seen this disease work. And I'm telling you if it ever gets loose it can spread over the entire country. And the result will be more horrible than any of you can imagine. And the key to the whole thing lies right here, now, in the next forty-eight hours."
Elastigirl: "Settle down, are you kidding? I'm at the top of my game! I'm right up there with the big dogs! Girls, come on. Leave the saving of the world to the men? I don't think so."
Some might say it's identical to what Taylor said at the end of The Planet of the Apes. I would probably agree with those people.
"As Frege's work to accomplish his goal progressed, identity came to play an important role in his thought in a way that raised certain challenging questions." — Claire Ortiz Hill, Rethinking Identity and Metaphysics. On the Foundations of Analytic Philosophy (Yale UP 1997)
"Get it straight, Buster. I'm not here to say 'please' I'm here to tell you what to do. And if self-preservation is an instinct you possess, you better fucking do it and do it quick." — some movie
Gilbert Huph: "Complaints I can handle. What I can't handle is your customers' inexplicable knowledge of Insuricare's inner workings. They're experts! Experts, Bob! Exploiting every loophole! Dodging every obstacle! They're penetrating the bureaucracy!"
Bob: "Did I do something illegal?"
Gilbert Huph: [begrudgingly] "No."
Bob: "Are you saying we shouldn't help our customers?"
Gilbert Huph: [through gritted teeth] "The law requires that I answer no."
Bob: "We're supposed to help people!"
Gilbert Huph: "We're supposed to help our people! Starting with our stockholders, Bob! Who's helping them out, huh?"
"—How you want that chickens, legs or wings?
Four fried chickens. And a Coke.
You all want something to drink with that?
— No ma'am, just dry white toast. And a Coke."
Bob: "Want to catch a robber?"
Lucius: "No. To tell you the truth, I'd rather go bowling. Look, what if we actually did what our wives think we're doing... just to shake things up?"
Mr. Incredible: "I was wrong to treat you that way. I'm sorry...."
Syndrome: "See? Now you respect me, because I'm a threat. That's the way it works. Turns out there are lots of people, whole countries, that want respect, and will pay through the nose to get it. How do you think I got rich? I invented weapons, and now I have a weapon that only I can defeat, and when I unleash it... [Mr. Incredible throws a log at Syndrome, who dodges it and traps Mr. Incredible with his zero-point energy ray] Oh, ho ho! You sly dog! You got me monologuing! I can't believe it...."
Edna: "They're all finished, when are you coming to see?"
Helen: "Look, I'm calling about...."
Edna: "Don't make me beg, darling, I won't do it, you know!"
Helen: [trying to talk over Edna] "Beg? Uh, no, I'm, I'm calling about a suit, about, about Bob's suit. I'm calling about Bob's suit!"
Edna: "You come in one hour darling, I insist, okay? Okay, bye-bye."
Edna: "Your boy's suit I designed to withstand enormous friction without heating up or wearing out, a useful feature. Your daughter's suit was tricky, but I finally created a sturdy material that can disappear completely as she does. Your suit can stretch as far as you can without injuring yourself, and still retain its shape. Virtually indestructible, yet it breathes like Egyptian cotton."
Bob: "You're out of ice? You can't run out of ice! I thought you could use the water in the air!"
Lucius: "There is no water in the air! What's your excuse, running out of muscle?"
Bob: "I can't just go smashing through walls! The building's getting weaker by the second, it's going to come down on top of us!"
Lucius: "I wanted to go bowling!"
Elastigirl: "Let go of me! Let go, you lousy, lying, unfaithful creep...."
Mr. Incredible [kissing her]: "How could I betray the perfect woman?"
Elastigirl: "Oh, you're referring to me, now?"
"Oh papa! He's doing the Jerk
Papa, he's doing the Jerk
He's doing the twist, just like this,
He's doing the Fly every day and every night
The thing's, like the Boomerang."
Syndrome: "You, sir, truly are Mr. Incredible. You know, I was right to idolize you? I always knew you were tough, but tricking the probe by hiding under the bones of another super? Oh, man! I'm still geeking out about it!"
Helen: "I love you, but if we're going to make this work, you have to be more than Mr. Incredible. You know that, don't you?"
Minister: "...so long as you both shall live?"
Bob: "I do."
"Viruses cannot travel on radio waves or via the 5G mobile network. It is spread through respiratory droplets when an infected person coughs, sneezes or speaks – which is why it’s important to wear your face covering correctly over your mouth and nose."
Thursday's important Notification to AMZN employees, chock full of good information and sound advice.
"Hooker: What do you do here?
Rain Man: We're counting cards
Hooker: Yeah, but what do you do here?
Rain Man: We're counting cards
Hooker: Yeah, but what do you do here?
Rain Man: Are you taking any prescription medications?"
Elastigirl: "Of course I have a secret identity. Can you see me in this at the, at the supermarket? Come on! Who'd want to go shopping as Elastigirl, know what I mean?"
"Do you like that suit?
— It's not a K-Mart
How could you not like that suit? It's fantastic, Ray. How could you not like that suit?
— It's not a K-Mart suit.
I'll let you in on a secret, Ray.
— Yeah
K-Mart sucks. OK?
— Yeah"
Mr. Incredible: "I've been meaning to ask you. Of all places to settle down, why...."
Mirage: "A volcano? My employer is attracted to power. As am I. It's a weakness we both share."
Mr. Incredible: "Seems a little... unstable."
Mirage: "I prefer to think of it as misunderstood."
Mr. Incredible: "Aren't we all?"
"Jason Staebler: You notice how it's Monopoly out there? Remember Boardwalk, Park Place, Marvin Gardens?
David Staebler: Go to jail?
Jason Staebler: Well, that's me. Don't pass go, don't collect $200."
Syndrome: "Oh, come on! You gotta admit this is cool! Just like a movie! The robot will emerge dramatically, do some damage, throw some screaming people, and just when all hope is lost, Syndrome will save the day! I'll be a bigger hero than you ever were!"
Underminer: "Behold, the Underminer! I'm always beneath you, but nothing is beneath me! I hereby declare war on peace and happiness! Soon, all will tremble before me!"
Lawyer: "Mr. Sansweet didn't ask to be saved. Mr. Sansweet didn't want to be saved. And the injuries received from Mr. Incredible's so-called 'actions' cause him daily pain."
Bob: [lunging towards Sansweet] "Hey, I saved your life!"
Oliver Sansweet: "You didn't save my life, you ruined my death, that's what you did!"
"Birdman: The road your father and I walked together is soaked in the blood of both friends and enemies. The war is far from over. We live our lives in hiding."