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Thread: Collapsible Batons

  1. #1
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Default Collapsible Batons

    Yeah, so, in my state, viz., Oregon, the laws and statutes are incredible vague.

    Mine hasn't arrived yet, but i think I've a huge mistake. I should have just bought a bigger umbrella.

    I have no intention of carrying it concealed -- but rather in a belt holster, but the whole idea was I could just carry it expanded through intersections where cars give me static.

    Still, it's going to be a fun toy.

    Even more still, I think I might land in the clink and/or have some problems.

    Question? What the hell was I thinking? An nice size golf umbrella, even in the summer months.

    Better, no?

  2. #2
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Following legal advice offered on this board, I do not wield my baton in its uncollapsed state in public. I instead carry a regular Totes brand black umbrella, in a small size, black, in one hand whenever I desire bicyclists to notice me and not cause me to perish

    Other implements that might work: carrying a cardboard tube like people use to transport drafts or rolled canvases, or a disposable coffee mug wielded like a weapon. Both implements could be filled partly with cement, if one is not a method actor used to handling props.

    But the nice thing about the baton, which rarely leaves my house, is that snapping it open with one hand sounds a lot like cycling a shotgun. It's good for when sitting on my back porch and the renter neighbors get too loud late at night. Dropping a small coin on the deck makes it sound close to a round being ejected from a shotgun.

    Also, unscrewing and disassembling the baton kind of sounds like I'm just crazy Chester cleaning his gun.

    Keep in mind, I don't know these people, they don't know me -- they're just neighbors, so they're strangers to me, and I, them.

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    Member Elendil's Heir's avatar
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    I am not your lawyer. This is not legal advice, but might be of interest:

    https://www.northwestfirearms.com/th...-oregon.53935/
    https://answers.yahoo.com/question/i...0034103AAManZV
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_laws_in_Oregon
    http://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com...aws-oregon.htm

    If you live in a city or town, there may also be ordinances (as opposed to state law) which directly address your situation. When in doubt, consult capable local counsel.

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    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Well, I'm aware of certain jurisdictions considering carrying a concealed baton a relatively serious offense. Therefore I abstain from that activity.

    However, for getting bicyclists and automobile-fetishists to yield to me, I find a stout umbrella works just fine.

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    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Justin is a good name for an umbrella.

    Justin case.

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    Member Elendil's Heir's avatar
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    Justin credible!

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    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Elendil's Heir View post
    Justin credible!
    First laugh of the day! Pretty good.

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    Member Elendil's Heir's avatar
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    That's the username of a guy over on the Straight Dope.

  9. #9
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Well, good for him, I guess. Kind of funny.

  10. #10
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    Following legal advice offered on this board, I do not wield my baton in its uncollapsed state in public. I instead carry a regular Totes brand black umbrella, in a small size, black, in one hand whenever I desire bicyclists to notice me and not cause me to perish

    Other implements that might work: carrying a cardboard tube like people use to transport drafts or rolled canvases, or a disposable coffee mug wielded like a weapon. Both implements could be filled partly with cement, if one is not a method actor used to handling props.

    But the nice thing about the baton, which rarely leaves my house, is that snapping it open with one hand sounds a lot like cycling a shotgun. It's good for when sitting on my back porch and the renter neighbors get too loud late at night. Dropping a small coin on the deck makes it sound close to a round being ejected from a shotgun.

    Also, unscrewing and disassembling the baton kind of sounds like I'm just crazy Chester cleaning his gun.

    Keep in mind, I don't know these people, they don't know me -- they're just neighbors, so they're strangers to me, and I, them.
    Yeah, well, so, in my version of spring cleaning, this is completely insane and maladaptive. I tried to say this a few weeks ago, but I'll say it now, looking back at the kinds of stuff I used to say in a "safe place," even in my own head, is completely fucking crazy.

    Rumination is one thing, but, hey, in life, the proof is in the pudding.

    But, back to the OP -- hey it's been a long time and I still have my collapsible baton, my tactical flashlight, and a much better umbrella with a wooden handle.

    Lessons learned? None, because I still have not learned, as of a week ago, to not put a Shure SM57 through a mixer into a JBL Eon 15, with the trim set to max, and broadcast (a) obscenities and (b) loops of motorcycle sound effects to probably everyone within a mile or so.

    What a wonderful world.

  11. #11
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    ...
    Lessons learned? None, because I still have not learned, as of a week ago, to not put a Shure SM57 through a mixer into a JBL Eon 15, with the trim set to max, and broadcast (a) obscenities and (b) loops of motorcycle sound effects to probably everyone within a mile or so.
    This paragraph may need to be translated for some of us non-audio masters.

  12. #12
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Oh. OK, so a Shure SM57 is just a microphone -- it's basically the only one I have worth the name. A JBL Eon 15 is a powered monitor -- basically a large PA speaker with a fairly large amplifier built into it. Of the type used for sending sound out into crowds from a stage, for outdoor events, and the like. A mixer takes sound inputs from a bunch of different sources and lets you decide how loud you want each source to be "mixed" into one or several outputs. Build into each "channel" or "source" or "track" is a preamplifier stage that lets you fine tune a bit each track -- for example, add gain or trim for a microphone, or bass, and so forth. In my mixer I have the organ, the piano, the microphone, and a little adapter for connecting to, in this case, a computer's sound card which can play back "loops" -- so called, I guess, because you could take some physical magnetic tape, with some sound on it, cut it, tape it together, and have it run in a "loop" repeating until the power goes out.

    I don't think that's exactly the way a "master" would explain it, but the point is, you shouldn't do what I did. I don't know exactly why -- it's mean or something.

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