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Thread: The Oregon Coast (or any coast) Thread...............omnibus

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    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Default The Oregon Coast (or any coast) Thread...............omnibus

    Wow. Me and my bud and have been in Rockaway Beach for about five days, and he likes it so much he rented a bungalow for another week. $129 per night for two people! I think that's not just one hell of a deal, but it's amazing we found a vacancy.

    Yeah yeah, we're not gay lovers, so get that out of your system stat. Not that there's anything wrong with that. ,I'd compare us to Frasier and Niles -- two bookish people who dress fairly nicely. He's Niles -- a complete priss. Maybe he is queer -- I really don't know, and he certainly isn't saying.

    I have come to the conclusion that I might be a hardcore dipso.

    We did an extremely strenuous hike up the Oregon Coast Trail north of Manzanita -- I'm a good hiker, albeit something of a Clydesdale, but I have never in my life seen so many exposed tree roots. Actually, somewhat treacherous. Of course, I was half in the bag from whiskey, which, I've heard, is not really the beverage of choice for climbing 1700 vertical feet.

    We did do Cape Lookout a few days ago -- that's uphill, but extremely well-groomed trails and a gentle climb. Probably only five miles round-trip.

    We also hit up Seaside just to try to mack on fourteen-year old girls in short-shorts, but that was a bust. Couldn't even find the bumper cars.

    We popped into a restaurant for lunch -- I had a burger, but he went for a $49 plate of crab. That seemed ridiculous, as a price, but hey, I wasn't paying for his lunch, so he was happy to get fresh Dungeness.

    What else? Gorgeous weather -- 70-degree days, great marine breezes.

    Can you believe this guy never played gin rummy, the ultimate pure-skill game that exists in cards? Obviously, I beat the shit out of him. There's few things I'm good at, but gin rummy is certainly one of them. Never seen a computer version I couldn't run up thousands of points on. Because you have to be sneaky!

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    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    That is sounding like a good vacation.

    That's one seriously expensive plate of crabs, though.

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    Yeah. He doesn't care about money, except making it via shrewd investments.

    I was surprised, but this is probably the only time he's going to be on the OR coast, so it's not my place criticize, except to drunkenly mock him.

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    Yeah. He doesn't care about money, except making it via shrewd investments.

    I was surprised, but this is probably the only time he's going to be on the OR coast, so it's not my place criticize, except to drunkenly mock him.

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    And last evening I was cautioned by Dr Friend to not leer lecherously at this very nice -- and I mean NICE young woman staying at our new abode, in a cabin nearby.

    Yeah, yeah, so she's married, whatever.

    Fine, I'll leave the fourteen year-old girls alone. That's....well, that's just common-sense.

    But this twenty-something one was flirtatious with me and we got some good tourist advice. Plus I wanted to bone her. And she knew it. I don't see the harm. No animals were harmed in the filming of this motion picture -- I think my friend is a major puss. It's life, man!

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    yeah she had a sweatshirt full of goodies. very nice.

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    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Part of vacation is flirting with women you'll never see again, I would have said.

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    yeah but my friend is kind of a pussy

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    but i am an experienced letch

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    And, also, when I flirt with girls, they STAY flirted with!

    (a riff off the old Hank Miller chestnut "i fuck a woman and they stay fucked")

    besides, I'm not fucking around for a tee-hee like you do with some shop clerk -- I mean business and they damned well know it!

    How's THAT for internet tough-guy speech! Well it's true, at least. Well, at least the part about me drinking to excess and running off at the mouth.

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    I'm pretty sure these hillbillies think we're gay "bachelors," a la Chip and Dale.

    Not that I care, it's just a new experience for me, being on the receiving end of public perception. I mean, what other two single men share a cabin at the beach? I'm enjoying the new experience.

    Also, we made some kick-ass chili last night -- fresh corn, fresh tomatos, beans, a shitload of ground beef. Canned tomatos. I did most of the cooking, but Ian is such a big baby he complained the whole way. Stupid fairy.

    It will be a miracle if one of us doesn't murder the other by the time the week is done. He is such a prissy little fairy.

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    OTOH we did spend much of an evening reciting some of Keats's sonnets by memory and reading Wordsworth.

    I think we might be officially deeply-closetted gays.

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    Oh yeah -- the street our cabin is on is called "Pansy St."

    And the proprietress advised us that we can put a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, if we wish.

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    It's official -- I officially have a giant boner for this gal named Jessica whom we met the other night.

    Yeah, so she's been married for like 18 years to this dude named "Dave". Nice guy. Nicer gal -- she has a blouse full of goodies.

    Me and my pal were making a huge fire in this "firepit" and they came on out and were like "Do you guys want to make some smores?" Apparently, I'm guessing, they were just bored and thought we seemed chill, so that's a feather in my cap, I guess.

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    Another strenuous hike on the Oregon Coast Trail -- up to Cape Falcon.

    Pretty mild, actually -- just a helluva lot of exposed tree roots again.

    Tomorrow, should we go see lighthouses, or shipwrecks, or what?

    Sadly, Jessica left today. I'm extremely disappointed.

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    Also, what is my luck with women named "Jessica"? Ex-wife, and my high-school sweetheart, and now ANOTHER?

    Bizarre.

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    Wow. That was exciting. We just now had an extremely bitchy little dust-up.

    This guy is the biggest bitch I have ever met.

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    OTOH third (fourth?) night of making a kick-ass bonfire out of driftwood.

    My muscles be sore from hauling all this shit.

    OTOH we had some good five or six games of chess today -- I didn't do too well, but he took his share of mulligans and I got a nice compliment, viz., "you're not a bad chess player."t

    Which is false -- I just have more experience, even though he's five or six years older than me. I am not a good chess player, but I am sneaky and wily and have a pretty good memory.

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    That was exciting yesterday -- we diagnosed the problem with the WiFi connection at this motel. I learned a bit. Embarrassed myself by not remembering ifconfig, nor about /var/www, but partially redeemed myself by doing some stuff with vim and chmod and the usually stupid bullshit.

    Well, now I know some more tricks about packet sniffing for diagnostic reasons -- this guy kind of does know his shit, I guess.

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    Yo, it's summer & life's a beach. Covered in corpses on the edge of a scorched continent on a burning world in a cruel universe. Enjoy Arbys.

    http://imgur.com/TnbLaUq

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