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Thread: The funny RL observations and anecdotes thread RPG omnibus

  1. #301
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    For ten dollars, I found out, you can be served a chicken-fried steak, bread of various sorts, two eggs, potatoes, and gravy.

    And it's fucking good.

    So I switched to debit card for that, the bill will with a beer was $13.00.

    I tipped three dollars.

    Not exactly generous, but it seems fine. I tipped for the other beers I drank, so I think it's adequate.

    Any more and the cute little bartender probably would have thought I was trying to dig tunnels into her uterus.

    Which is a possibility, but I only have room to psycho-manipulate one woman at a time, and little WareGirl is it.

    She did say "Good morning, John" today -- very uncharacteristically non "joking around" just a nice regular greeting.

    You know, like people do.

    So I'm convinced she's a human.

    And now I have a horrible thought of slicing into her thigh with a chef's knife, and coating the cutlet with bread crumbs, and trying to chicken-fry her.

    Fuck it.

    I could just eat her pussy out, but my own groin is pungent after a shift.

    Hmmmm...maybe hers is better.

    ETA Oh, and the bartender seemed psyched as shit when I asked if they had chicken-fried steak. Like I think that's probably her favorite or whatever.

    Yes, I ate the entire plate in under two minutes, I believe, but I used a napkin to blot the corners of the mouth.

    I'm not an animal!........................................... ....A filthy animal......................an impolite animal.................well, I have some table manners. Let's leave it at that.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 23 Jun 2018 at 04:25 PM.

  2. #302
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    Jesus H. Fucking Christ.

    Wonderful.

    Every single time I try to bring my uncle out to socialize, it's a fucking problem.

    What a fucking asshole.

    I fucking love inviting people over and just say "Sure, just make yourself at home. The futon's pretty comfortable."

    First fucking thing? They do not make themselves at home. They constantly fucking bothering me with mealy-mouthed little requests.

    Glass of water? Sure! You know where the kitchen is. What am I, your fucking servant? No, I don't know where your cigarettes are. Do you want one? Fine, have one. Did that really merit a ten-minute periphrastic exercise in circumlocution?

    I especially enjoy waking up, for example, today, and am looking forward to dealing with some twenty goddamned minute fucking conversation about....NO. There is no conversation, just chill out, I'll drive you to the fucking train station and buy you a ticket, you fucking asshole. No goddamned way am I driving into fucking downtown on my second day off, and listening to your shit.

    WHAT is so fucking hard about just shut the fuck up, don't do things that encourage me to barricade myself in my bedroom with my wallet, keys, anything else that is of modest value and isn't nailed down.

    You can look around the room and if you can't spot the asshole, it's you.

    Well, it's not me.

    And thanks for getting so shitfaced on BEER -- yes, that's right, goddamned BEER -- that I have to go intercede when you mistake the womens' head for the men's room.

    It's like training an animal. I have to point, literally, with an index finger, and say, "You. You stand there. Stay. I'll be back in two minutes. Wait. You wait here."

    What the fuck. There are a lot of assholes out there, but it doesn't seem so fucking difficult to me to be trustworthy. I don't mean drunkenness or petty crimes or whatever, just fucking say what you goddamned mean, and do it. Fucking rube.

    I think it's fucking great he's the last one to carry on that name from his side of the family. That is fucking retarded.

    AND another thing, while he didn't attend mass with me yesterday, I fucking HATE those fuckers who assume the "orans" posture while doing that part of the mass. That is not for the congregation, stop fucking copying the goddamned priest. It's pretty fucking simple, stop the fucking affectation.

    And waving at people across the aisles while making the sign of peace is tacky and distracting, so cut that shit out. It's not a goddamned barn-raising.

    That is all.

    ETA Oh, and good job, Msgr. Pat, for your outrageous homily and guided prayer. That was the most fucking ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

    Yeah, just my luck my own parish happens to be the seat of the archdiocese. Nice fucking "cathedral." Do your fucking worst to make it look like some goddamned television shitshow. Bunch of fucking hippies. Bullshit. At 0730 there is not a fucking need to outrage the senses with your garish schemes.

    And I suspect the font is crawling with microbes.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 25 Jun 2018 at 11:38 AM.

  3. #303
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    Actually, yesterday, somebody I was just half-chatting with yesterday said "Have a better one!"

    I about shit myself.

    Well, apparently plenty of people have seen Blade Runner IRL, and, apparently, have integrated phrases from their movie into their regular patter.

    No, I didn't have a snappy riposte, just like, "Yep, you too man."

  4. #304
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Oh, yes, and from multiple people at work I have heard people refer to "Ghost Rider" when addressing me moving a cart, who seemed to chuckle when I respond that "The Pattern is full" (from Top Gun, I assume). People are strange.

    And, FYI, if you have smashed the fender/rear panel of your car, and it happens to be a dark-gray or black car, you can in fact take black duck tape, and make it almost look like nothing happened, from a distance.

    Whether the tape continues to adhere or not remains to be seen.

  5. #305
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    Just by the by today I happened to notice the younger bartender is like a regular dick-pump.

    No, that's not to be discouraging.

    She just really really really seems to really really like the social company of men.

    I guess she'd have to, in that job.

    No, I'm not complaining, I just have never seen somebody who seems to spend a lot of time even after work, just enjoy the company of men.

    Wow.

    Profound, or stupid.

    Viewers at home, you make the decision.

  6. #306
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    This goddamned asshole, let's call him "Drew," since that's his name, agreed to play doubles against a HUGE pack of Asian-Americans (I mention their ethnicity because ... well, playing pool is a sort of minor/major past-time among many people of SE Asian heritage).

    That shithead ducked out, so it left me one against two.

    And I still won.

    Defensive play rules.

    Bar-room pool players like to try the low-percentage bank shots, I guess, to show off to their friends.

    I felt like I was in a Kung-Fu movie, like about seven dudes against one.

    But still, nothing like a good friendly game, shake hands afterwards (goddamned don't shake my hand! that was a low-five, slap me some skin, brother!)

    Kind of works the kinks out of the hands/fingers, and it's always an interesting game.

  7. #307
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Well, that was an interesting uncle-visit -- he did help me find my car.

    But, seriously.

    You're going to sit there with a straight face and say my chords to "Georgia on My Mind" are wrong?

    And, also seriously, "Mister Play By Ear I don't Read Music"

    If you're such a fucking ear master, why can't you play what I ask in Db, Ab, or whatever.

    And for the record, yes, I play that goddamned stupid tune the right way, not like some hick ukelele player using some simplistic triad — I'm making a bass line, introducing passing chords, and I don't need some fucking hick telling me "Just play an A minor triad!"

    Yeah, if that's all it was, I'd just fucking playing a fucking harmonica, you fucking rube hillbilly.

  8. #308
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    And another thing.

    After my car-finding bullshit, spending all day at "my" hangout, periodically stalking the streets.

    I will never again go to a bar of any kind in the evening.

    Kids. Damned stupid idiot stupid kids. I think at least a few of you know NYC pretty well -- remember that place, I think it was just south of St. Mark's Place just off 3rd Ave, that had a big sign saying "We do not serve people under 26"? And they meant it, too. That was a fucking great idea they had.

    Never mind, I don't want to talk about it.

    How can shitty little kids NOT know what it means when you put fifty cents for the pool table on the top of the table, or, alternatively, tuck it under the railing?

    Who the fuck doesn't know that?

    And then talk back to me, when I nicely point it out?

    Just shut the fuck up, you ass-faced little kids. Go drink your fucking hipster IPA bullshit malted milkshakes.

  9. #309
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    I think I should adapt my style of "working" at the warehouse.

    When it gets intense, I just use sheer brawn, and am not shy at verbalizing every crude thought in my head. Just like a crazed rabid animal or something — however, not so much that I lose situational awareness, or fail to assist others. Obviously, I never get in others' ways, and cooperate extremely well — because my method is designed by me for efficiency, accuracy, speed, and camraderie.

    Just, extremely intense, maximum effort, maximum sweat, maximum cursing, maximum putting in earplugs to mitigate the horrible NK-style "happy music make work people good so happy!"

    HOWEVER, it may be of benefit to slow down my pace. The only reason to not is that it's extremely fucking boring, so it only works for me to go balls-out, and amuse myself thereby. And the entire job could and probably should be automated, provided some cunt MBA types used logistics as a science, instead of what's called "business logic" to half-ass it. They make mistakes in general, but the "Operations" people are actually incapable of reasoning, in a correct manner. Not without significant retraining, which could probably be reduced to an understanding of tractable path and scheduling algorithms, and the analysis of which is to be applied and in which combination. So, UG-level data structures and algorithm/complexity analysis.

  10. #310
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    ETA Yes, my attack was not on "business logic," which is a useful abstraction. It was rather on the degree to which "Operations" so-called people have failed to comprehend the stack.

    Also, the only people I have "met" in an Operations or supervisory capacity are only soft-skilled people. Think, Pop Warner football coach, or retired chopper pilot, and those who rose through the ranks by being worms seeking sunlight. Nothing relevant to what is primarily an engineering concern.

    And I put myself out of that running as well — I don't give a shit about being a conceptual engineer, but I want it to be right.

    How do you know it's right?

    When I say so.

    And when I prove it or see satisfactory proof.

  11. #311
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    I think I've gone completely psychotic.

    So, yeah, as it happened, my first route I was picking and staging (don't worry about the terms of art, just means lifting and moving stuff) was adjacent to that WareGirl.

    She was every bit as quick as me, but, I guess me being probably 1.75 her size, I sweated a lot more.

    Call it hyperhydrosis, or whatever.

    BUT and here's the crazy thing, I think she made some effort to slow her pace down, I suppose she thought I would have been embarrassed by being bested by a woman.

    That's an insane conspiracy theory, and yet, I think it's the simplest explanation that meets all of the facts.

    If this were true, however, it would imply she (i) had some empathy for me (ii) had a defective view of men (iii) was insufficiently observant (iv) was having a frolic of her own.

  12. #312
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Well, no.

    I've figured it out, though.

    My advantages in strength and reach have a pretty severe expense, in terms of physical expense.

    A smaller, more compact employee who uses correct technique will fare better, and will be less demanding of rest periods every three hours or so.

    So, yeah.

    But, IMHO, it's good to know.

    Also, I'm right, because I just said it and proved it informally.

  13. #313
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Pretty good.

    I think WareGirl has come to terms with me both being a foul-mouthed, sweaty man, but also kind and generous in help to other co-workers.

    A few odd pedestrian moments today.

    (i) I did as I always do and give somebody carrying a heavy load plenty of space, step to the side.
    "Thanks for moving out of my way, John."

    Oh yes, I did get to grab an extra six-foot tall by five-half feet long, by two-foot wide metal utility cart with one hand and slide it out of her way.

    So I have to think that demonstrates non-womanly hands.

    MIND YOU! Womanly hands are good on women! Not for man! Nor Trump!

    That's odd, because I've never not done that, for anyone. Usually a monosyllable, like "thanks," is about what's the done thing

    (ii) towards the end of the shift she went through the pantomime of "what time is it?" Apparently she observed I would have known, particularly since cell phones aren't encouraged.

    No, nothing special, but I think she probably thinks I'm more a person than a dangerous savage. Or both.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 12 Jul 2018 at 01:47 PM.

  14. #314
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    I am actually getting pretty damned good at making the shots at the table.

    With no eyeglasses, using the right amount of force, and now, my challenge is evening out my stroke. You know, make sure the stroke on a closed-bridge is as smooth as these awkward ones you have to elevate the bridge hand to get over the balls and not do a table scratch.

    Also, it's good for my fingers and hands to rack the balls — shut up — and especially work the shaft.

    Oh shut up.

    It's just I've noticed over a few months practice, I'm getting OK at making the "gimme" distance shots, working the balls down the rail, using some of the obvious combinations with higher accuracy, and making an honest go at breaking up a large cluster.

    Still, I have troubles using side English on my initial 14.1 set-up -- pocket the head ball, but break up the remaining 14 into something reasonable.

    Pool sounds pretty goddamned pornographic, but I'm pretty sure it's not.

    ETA it is pretty nice when you clear a table in a few minutes, and go hang up the house cue before you even look to see if the last ball dropped.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 15 Jul 2018 at 01:59 AM.

  15. #315
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    RL quote said out loud to self (more than once IIRC): "If that fucking cunt doesn't give me a goddamned break after this route, I'm going to fuck her in the ass."

    I really hope particularly any of my favorite little girls around the warehouse didn't overhear me.

    Probably not give the right impression.

    ETA No, goddammit, they're not "little girls." A high school diploma is required for this job, you creeps!
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 15 Jul 2018 at 08:22 PM.

  16. #316
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    My petty high-school jealousy revenge scheme is working.

    It's just a matter of making a point of connecting personally to people who are nearby when she happens to be, and generally being outgoing, friendly, calm, and considerate to them.

    She's going to be very jealous when I decide to not cut her head off and put it in a bowling ball bag.

    Mark my words, I understand women very well.

  17. #317
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    There is a nice newer hire who's been here about a week or two.

    Very geeky, but wears shorts and let me tell you, she's not only pretty (once you ignore the geeky glasses), with great hair, she has one great set of legs.

    No, she's not having any of me, although I was able to give her some "inside baseball" reassurance when she broke a driver's side-view mirror. If I had to guess, she's already shacked-up, or is just cautious. No, no vibes there, but still, it's nice.

    ALSO, not sexy, but a bit of a bigger girl, with some unique eyeglasses, also a new-comer to the business. She's nice, and I enjoy joking with her and collaborating.

    Hmmm....every week my bench gets deeper with woman acquaintances at work. They're all valuable, for different reasons. Just in this new environment. Got to build the bench.

    Oh, and this woman G____ (a former HR executive for a major concern, in her mid-50s, with whom I've socialized over drinks after work). She got "promoted" to a floor-level supervisor.

    I feel like Ray Liotta felt when Joe Pesci was about to be "get made." I got someone on the inside. I don't want to be promoted or anything (although they gave me a significant cash reward for kicking ass two days ago), because it's a fucking ridiculous "job," but while I get along extremely well with most of the other floor-walker supers, personal jokes, levity, friendliness, it's still nice to know somebody on the inside a little more personally.

    ETA Oh yes, I'm also a raving sexist. In case you hadn't noticed. But I like it.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 21 Jul 2018 at 09:08 PM.

  18. #318
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    Great legs, but I'd guess..........34-26-33?

    I am not a good man at "sizing" women up....Dean Martin is still my mentor. But I'm getting pretty good.

    Let's hope I get better before I exit my "prime" as a virile man.

  19. #319
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    So I picked up an extra shift this morning, and while I was running down the pool table G____ stopped in. She'd been recently "promoted" to a low-level supervisory position.

    She says, "Hi Weirdo John! I was so hungry I had to come by to eat." My response: "Hi, weirdo G____!"

    WTF kind of shit is that? "Weirdo"? Fuck you, cunt.

    Kind of sad, seeing her eating a giant picker's breakfast by herself at a booth.

    I did congratulate her on her "promotion" and mention how good it is to have good people before I left.

    Kind of sad, though.

    Oh well: c'est sa vie vivre.

  20. #320
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Yoga pants.

    That is all.

    These younger women are not shy at all.

    Love it.

    They can be modest about camel-toe and VPL, I find, but there's nothing I don't see.

  21. #321
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    Blonde hair.

    Hey Nineteen.

    Yoga pants.

    Holy shit.

    Just fine.

  22. #322
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    Holy fucking Christ shit on a cross

    You've got to be fucking kidding me.

    No.

    It's a godddammed recipe for the goddamned bastard child.

    It is a tempting too much!

    The yoga pants!

    How can not penetrate!

    The yoga pants!

    Must have!

    ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. #323
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    Overheard in the hall: "It's the middle of summer, and there's hail! Are you kidding me!"

    Uh, bubby, hail is associated with severe thunderstorms. When do you think it happens?

  24. #324
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    Pretty funny, RubeET. Yeah, that's like the opposite of being born in a barn — I thought everybody knew that kind of stuff, just by observation.

    Speaking of born in a bar. WTF is it about this town that makes every dishwasher or fry cook with a hipster beard and some tattoos some kind of royalty? I don't ever want to eat at a non-fast-food-restaurant just out of spite.

    Yeah, fine, you're in ten bands like every other person GenX or younger. Good for fucking you. Now just shut up and stop swarming like a vile herd around me.

  25. #325
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    Quote Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday View post
    Overheard in the hall: "It's the middle of summer, and there's hail! Are you kidding me!"
    It's POURING down rain in the middle of SUMMER! And some of the rain is hard, like it hurts my beer helmet!

    I don't actually have a good idea where people come from where this doesn't happen.

    Possibly anywhere in the "shadow" of a major ridge.

    AFAIK, that's pretty much the way it is all over, what with pressure, and wind and so on. Easy to predict the range of circumstances, but not always the immediate likelihood. Because of those other things.

    HAVE THESE PEOPLE NEVER SEEN APOCALYPSE NOW. Eh, maybe not.

    HOWEVER, thermodynamics is not that easy — usually, IIRC, there's an entire upper-division course devoted to this, for people who did the usual Phys+Calc first year thing. Again, IIRC it's usually for people who passed (not an easy task, not that I would know — I did first year Physics+Calc+Chem+lots more math: applied maths and logics are relevant to me, and I don't care about the Big Bang or whatever; although I read the syllabus and the textbooks, and yet I still didn't get the simple [possibly wrong] solution to that basic combinatorics baseball problem EEETA I'm convinced just n choose r is fine, but I want to see the proof, and I can't feel like making one EEEETA OK, a proof by induction 1<n<i or whatever, that would do it, but still) a "Modern Physics" aka quantum mechanics/standard interpretation/more in-depth work in studying experimental chemistry/physics that led to the blah blah blah.

    All I know is it's super-complicated, and it uses a lot of the multi-variable calculus (the good kind), plus the chemistry the physics geeks thought they were too cool for, so they just used linear algebra to balance equations, and reasoned out whatever else.

    OH YEAH, I forgot why I was making a superfluous post, but where are such people from that they don't have superb variations in pressure regardless of season?

    Also, I can't remember why I really came back in here, but it must not have been that important.

    ETA Near major bodies of water whose boundaries are relatively unperturbed by more-or-less-regular changes in pressure. That's where these people come from. IOW, never mind.

    EETA If anyone can remind me of the Latin word Vergil used for what's usually translated as "buffetted" I'll arrange to have a random meth-tweaker suck your dingus.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 27 Jul 2018 at 08:02 PM.

  26. #326
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    Uh-oh

    I just remembered a bit of a brief conversation with WareGirl from two (?) days ago.

    Yeah, she just showed up near me while we setting up our gear. I believe that was on purpose on her part. I did ask if she had a nickname. She very definitely said "no," so I said a little response.

    I completely forgot that I was trying out one of these scanning devices designed to go around two fingers.

    Holy shit.

    I should not have said anything, because, well, you know, you're all adults. Me: "WTH??? Who can fit their fingers in this tiny thing? What are they munchkins?" She: "<semi-chuckle>, yeah, well look at mine <she shows me her device>, it's not bad."

    Yeah, yeah, it's fine, but I wasn't thinking about you know, other things fingers and size.

    Geez.

    That was not my best moment.

    While she insists she has not a nickname, I'd bet she has one for me now: "Fingerblast!"

    Not that good.

    ETA that wasn't too coherent, but that was an actual conversation that I'd apparently erased from my memory, even though it only happened a few days ago. Yes, to the best of my memory (?), that's pretty much what was said IRL.

    Goddamned it, I should stop trying to chat up women about the size of my fingers and what size holes they can fit.

    Innocent enough, but really, that's considered harmful. Or exciting. Usually just not good.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 29 Jul 2018 at 05:35 PM.

  27. #327
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    In fact, I think I might have inadvertently terrified her when I demonstrated how much larger fingers 1 and 2, put together, were than the hole the device is meant to accommodate. (Yes, they are adjustable devices, I just happened to have picked one up apparently made for a dwarf or something).

    Yes, that probably frightened her.

    And, no, I don't have fat fingers, just about the usual proportion to the rest of myself.

    So, like a medium-sized speculum she probably saw in my first two fingers, and she knows I'm not a doctor of medicine, despite my "Amateur Gynecologist" T-shirt (no, I don't have such shirts).

    Not good.

    Very not good.

    Well, I guess she knows who to call if she has some plumbing issues in her house at The Hague.

  28. #328
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    That fucking "Gary."

    Geez, he's some old twisted fruit (well, he's probably five or ten years older than me, but my hair is better and he's not as cool as me) and he's got his fingers all up in my woman.

    Plus, where do these people come from, trying to be all fancy and do-gooding?

    Argh.

    I think people should just stay away from my women.

    Yes, I think I should revise my opinions and emotions.

    Or I should have all other men castrated.

    Yes, it's grand being a man-child.

    Well at least I still have my own hair and haven't yet alienated everyone IRL.

    Take that, Shatner!

  29. #329
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Did see a pretty good coyote this morning, at about 0430 or so.

    I think up along Westover or NW 27th.

    Not a real good-sized one, but he or she seemed pretty content and well filled-out.

    That may explain why I don't see rabbits too often except in the daylight in the various parks, especially early in the morning (seems to be when they come out to forage on greens or...really, anything vegetal seems to be their thing). Also, rabbits are hard to spot in the dark, what with them being not that visible and all that.

    But man, coyotes and she-coyotes, they just are illuminated by one's headlamps, and I still think they are impressive animals.

    I wouldn't be so thrilled about encountering a hungry puma in the wild when on foot, although they are around in my neighborhood quite a bit, but the coyotes are harmless and like I said, I think they can be impressive specimens.

  30. #330
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Well, that was nice.

    Got a chance to talk with Morgan — just small-talk about eye-glasses and stuff, and ended up with us talking about some of our other pursuits.

    Apparently she has some kind of certificate in a biomedical field, so of course I managed to regale her with my work in biomedical ontology.

    Ending up by saying, "Well, obviously I can talk for hours about this."

    AND YET! when we re-met a few minutes later at our respective aisles, she actually said "I enjoy listening to you talk."

    That is no shit.

    This dick is going to be drowning in Morgan poontang pretty damned soon.

    I guarantee it.

    So, just so everyone's aware and can give the proper amount of applause.

    And, no, while I think she's cute, she is not some beauty queen.

    She just has an endearing way of looking into your eyes when speaking, and while her range of facial expressions is somewhat limited, that's not a problem.

    She does have pretty chunky thighs, though.

    No that I was inspecting her from behind — well, fine, I was.

    But I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 02 Aug 2018 at 02:39 PM.

  31. #331
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    Me: "Hey, when you going to come out to breakfast with me and <insert names of some other people.>"
    Her: "Well, mumble mumble, well, I've never been asked."
    Me: "I'm asking you. Sometimes blah blah
    <blah blah>
    And anyway I'm still asking you, just thought you might feel more comfortable with a more group. I'm really interested to know more about your ornithological pursuits."
    She <somewhat shyly>, "oh, you mean about my birdwatching."
    Her: "Mumble mumble something something where do you like to go"
    Me: "Well etc etc, they serve good food, but I just go five days a week after work to practice pool, wash my hands, and maybe have half a beer [all true, BTW]."

    Her: "Well I don't know, maybe sometime we can go and you can teach me to play pool."

    and more blah blah.

    THAT is a win. Low-key, no pressure, but she definitely wants some of my dick.

    I hope all of it, but I'll settle for just the tip.

    No question about it.

    I can't reconstruct the whole conversation, but that's what happened.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 04 Aug 2018 at 02:42 PM.

  32. #332
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    All right, I'll try to do a better transcription from (fading) memory.

    Me: "So, when you coming out to breakfast with S______ or G_______ with me?"
    She: "Well....I don't know."
    <longish pause>
    She: "Where do you guys go to?"
    Me: "Well, it's not a regular thing, just sometimes a few people meet up. It's this bar and grill close around here on NW __th and _______. Kind of a dive, but a lot of cabbies and warehouse people come there. It's open at seven am. Good food though."
    She: "That sounds nice but I've never been invited."
    Me: "Well I'm inviting you. I just meet up with the others sometimes at random, but I though you might feel comfortable having some extra company."
    She: <silence>
    Me: "You know, I go there five days a week after work, wash my hands, practice pool, and have about a half beer."
    She: "Well, maybe sometime you can show me how to play pool."
    Me: "You never played pool?"
    She: "No, never."
    Me: "Well, I find it's a good way to get some sensitivity back in the fingers after our job. To be honest, there's a lot of skeevy people at bars who play pool, but I find it's a good exercise for the hands."
    She: (thinking), "Well, maybe sometime I can have you teach me to play pool."
    Me: You just let me know.

    That's, TMK, about that portion of the conversation.

    (and, yes, she ends work at 0930, same as me)
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 04 Aug 2018 at 04:44 PM.

  33. #333
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    And yes, my smoothest line in recent memory, as repeated above:

    "I'm inviting you!"

    I think the subtext is, "Screw those other randos, you're the one I'm asking. Duh."

  34. #334
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    Goddamned now I have to save up half my paycheck in case this WareGirl wants to order food.

    It may be that she didn't intuit that I'd pay for her, since that wasn't really clear.

    To preserve my fragile ego, I prefer to think this way.

    I could have also mentioned I'm a stud on piano and Hammond organ and that's why I play a stupid game like pool, but if the gossip is as robust as I think it is, she probably already heard from somebody else, or else say me reading music while smoking coffee.

    Every no is a yes! Or at least a ... maybe.

    No, she's receptive but cautious.

    I shall intromit.

    ETA Oh. OK, every "yes" is a "maybe" and "no means no." Geez, this isn't a college campus. Fine, whatever, nerds. She still either (i) likes me or is (ii) afraid of me. That means "yes," pretty much.

    And no, I'm not a groperapist. So shuddup.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 04 Aug 2018 at 07:12 PM.

  35. #335
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    Dammiit. I should have said how I value sensitivity in my fingertips.

    I did leave out the part of our conversation where I mentioned this other: it went like this:

    Me: "Yeah, remember g_____ [different g___ than the above]? She used to go there are the time, but you know she's left on for other things."
    She: "Oh yeah, really tall. Well, <sheepishly> everyone's taller than me"
    Me: "Yeah. she was like a blond haired Norse lady."

    That was that bit.

    I wonder if WareGirl has some kind of complex about being short and not-blonde,

    That would make me really sad, and .... what is she, 5'3"? 5'2"? That's nothing a man can't handle, and I speak from experience.

    I suspect it's that she has a kind of poor complexion about the face, and, she is a bit large in the dimensions.

    38-38-36/38.

    Maybe she doesn't have knowing that she's still a person and I still like her.

    Confidence problem?

    Well, even if she doesn't like me "that way," maybe knowing she's at the top of somebody's list will do her some good.

    Dunno.

    ETA Maybe it deflates her a bit that I'm friendly with women about her age who are really chunkos. What can I do about that? I just like people and being friendly.

    About that, I can't do anything, that's just the way I get along.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 04 Aug 2018 at 08:47 PM.

  36. #336
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    BUT my new tactic is to just start calling her "kiddo" in a friendly way when we see each other in the morning.

    My suspicion is that she'll want to prove that she isn't some "kid" (by donating her vagina and labia to "science," AKA "me") OR that she'll just go with it and we'll be same as before.

  37. #337
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    My measurements of her are just not right, and it's bothering me.

    36 - hips (no larger: she has a nice-sized ass and some big thighs, but she couldn't be larger in the hips — she's only 5;2"-3")
    36 - bust (she could be as small as 34 with a C-cup size, but it's hard to tell with work clothes on).

    Those are pretty sure.

    Waist?

    That's hard to tell with the safety vest on and such.

    I'm going with 28 waist. Possibly 26.

    HEY! I can just ask her after the weekend. All women like those questions.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 05 Aug 2018 at 12:37 AM.

  38. #338
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    I think I might have unintentionally hurt the feelings of another woman, about my age, but not, should I say, "physically compatible," (all right fine, she's pretty large — I'm no prize pig myself but I can't help to whom I'm attracted), when I gave her last Saturday my "gossip news" in private about WareGirl saying "maybe" to a "maybe date."

    I never led her on, just was friendly and learned her name when she started about a month ago.

    But, today, she did have a new shorter haircut, and I made sure to compliment her about it.

    No, I don't think I'm the stud of the warehouse breaking hearts everywhere I go, but I'd hate to think she felt a bit excluded by me confiding in her about my True Romance saga.

    Other women don't mind it IRL at work, but they have kids or are already hooked up; they're kind of conspiratorial "wing girls." But I don't know about this one.

    But this one should know better than to get between a WareMan and his meat! Besides, I'm nice to her and I like having more people on "my side."
    ///////////

    OH, the younger woman (well, maybe about thirty or so? hard to tell) of indeterminate SE Asian origin who relies on me as her "muscle" to lift heavier parcels when I'm nearby.

    She started a brief conversation, "So, where you from?" etc. She moved here when she was nine, directly to P__________nd. I didn't feel like probing her for details, but I suppose that explains that she has a considerable accent in English.

    I'd guess China, but that's a big place. She has southern features, like from Korea (the demographics are all wrong for SKor-->US), but I really couldn't say, and although I can ask if she feels like starting another conversation (what???? where the fuck do you THINK I'm from? do I have a Yonkers or Carolinas accent?), it's still nice to have yet another "ally" in the warehouse, who ..... wait a minute .... uses me for my raw muscular power????

    AHHHHHH!!!!

    She probably eats dog every Sunday with her 100-year old parents and 25 cousins.

    No, I'm glad to help her and everyone, and am fortunate to be able to.

  39. #339
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    Yes, and I can't describe the emotive qualities when the true WareGirl responds to a genuine inquiry about her interests.

    She seems to light up from the inside.

    I have a nice smile, and a bit of glint of emotion in my eye, I've been told, but I've very rarely noticed a woman whom I barely know basically have an orgasm just from someone being kind and friendly to her.

    Maybe that's a bit hyperbolic, but not by much.

    /////////////

    Yeah, so anyway, that three-legged dog was something to see. He or she was with some kind of "owner," but the dog didn't seem too happy, limping along. And yet, the dog seemed to tolerate being led along the path of the "owner." I think the dog would have been happier at home in front of a nice fan in a comfy bed, and some accommodations made for its "necessaries," but I wouldn't know for sure.

  40. #340
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    Holy fucking shit.

    Yeah, yeah, three-legged dog being paraded around by a cruel and probably mental head-case owner.

    I just went up to the grocery and I swear to fucking shit that bartender who works weekends at this place I go was walking out as I was coming in.

    No, I'm sorry honey, I'm not into your type.

    But she was rocking the sun-dress and full-on she-sunglasses. Almost looked enticing.

    She did ask me once just in conversation where I lived, and she knew all the apt complexes around me, which I was appropriately dismissive of, since we condo people despise the renters. It is ape law.

    That's a weird coincidence.

    I know it was her, even though I'd put my eyeglasses on top of my head, because of a weird double-take.

    It's odd, because neither of us are remotely interested in each other, but we're pretty friendly, just from months of me doing my same routine on Fri and Sat and sometimes Sun at about 0945.

    Actually, it's pretty odd that even the replacement/temp bartenders remember where I work, what I drink, ask me if I need quarters for the pool table.

    Odd in that I spend at most 00:45 most days, unless.

    Anyway, I thought it was odd.

    She looked kind of good in the sunlight, actually.

    Good for her.

    ETA "Maybe that's a bit hyperbolic." I'm really unhappy about that phrasing. It's like calling someone or something "sort of monotonic." All right, you all know what I mean.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 07 Aug 2018 at 07:25 PM.

  41. #341
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    OK, that was a nice pair of legs, encasing what I imagine to be a very fine snapper.

    Summer dress about eight or ten inches above her knees, using one of those stupid skateboards with handles attached, like a scooter or whatever.

    That bitch is going to cause a traffic accident.

    But I wouldn't mind.

    Very nice.

    ///////////////

    Oh yeah, in yo' face aloof WareGirl. Yeah, right in front of you someone who actually comes out of doors with me talking quietly, and BOOM! Yeah, I give her the low-five, and she knows what to do.

    WareGirl knows what she's missing now: friendly camaraderie, without any pressure.

    Not that I wouldn't apply pressure, but that would also be friendly.

    She'd like it just fine.

    ////

    ETA Also, WareGirl should be appropriately jealous of how much help I'm willing to give when asked to my two not-so-good-Engrish speaking woman friends, of some decade or so apart in age, as well as how much time we spend chatting, each of them, coming back from break and such — she might almost think women enjoy my company, and I enjoy theirs!

    She might be jealous of how well I get along and vice versa with the younger, pretty, sexy girls, but if she has any sense she wouldn't be.

    OTOH, she might have observed just how friendly I am and vice versa with "regular" girls (ones who aren't having a good figure and all that).

    Point in my favor.

    However, probably balanced out if she's observed the very few times I've let my explosive temper out in frustration at inept management. I keep it reigned in, but it might be not good for her to have observed.

    Also, while I try to curse only in French under my breath, English is still my mother tongue, so I'm sure she's overheard me say some extremely vile things under my breath.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 09 Aug 2018 at 02:53 PM.

  42. #342
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    All right, so I think the two SE Asian women are sort of in some kind of competition.

    Each of them is especially solicitous of my help in lifting very heavy freight. They each know my name, why? I don't know.

    As I intended to say, they're about ten years apart in age. Maybe fifteen. Hard to tell with women, because of all the makeup and shit.

    Both not very good at phonetics of English.

    Both especially avid to start and continue jocular conversations with me. The older one understands the joking humor better, but the younger one is more forthcoming about, "It only been like this me first job in united state! You so good you help me so much!"

    For contrast, many other people ask for help in lifting heavy freight, it's not the same dynamic.

    /////

    I don't remember what I came in to say.

    Well, hey, how many times in a day or even year does one get to say the word "ornithological"? Not many, I guess.

    So I win.

    That is all.

  43. #343
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    Great legs, but I'd guess..........34-26-33?

    I am not a good man at "sizing" women up....Dean Martin is still my mentor. But I'm getting pretty good.

    Let's hope I get better before I exit my "prime" as a virile man.
    Oh, she's lasted more than a week, so I think she's in the Amazulu Tribe.

    Still not especially interested in making the effort to penetrate her, but she always seems to have a nice half-smile and a smidgen of eye-contact for me.

    Not sure if she's all that appealing to me (nice legs, always wears shorts, trim figure, great hair — sort of generic), but it's still good to cultivate good relationships, particularly with women in a closed environment with many people.

    For a number of reasons.

    Makes work easier to cooperate, and it gives me a better outcome

  44. #344
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    Not sure if she's all that appealing to me (nice legs, always wears shorts, trim figure, great hair — sort of generic).
    Yes, that's all true, but I think she's trying to not be "generic hot girl" by her eyeglass choices (for all I know they're just clear plastic, like a fashion).

    Anyway, that is nice that she seems to be interested in reciprocating my trivial kindness by being friendly.

    Still, that may be enough to get my pecker up. I certainly take a good look when she's pushing a cart in front of me.

    But that's not quite enough. Not enough to make an effort.

    I'm having a feeling she might start some kind of light conversation/banter if we end up working closer together.

    I don't think that would confuse me, but I might have to re-evaluate if she makes a little overture. Of course, I couldn't help but be nice and friendly, in return.

    Her legs aren't that great, though — I mean, tan and shapely, although kind of stumpy. She sure does like to show them off, though, IMHO.

    I think I prefer my women to be more pallid and, although fit, a little more reticent.

    She'll do, of course, but maybe not hep enough to deal with my unusual habits of arranging my life around books, musical instruments, and none of that TV/video game shit.

    That one's a "your place, not mine" — pretty sure she'd recoil in horror at the amount of papers filed, and alphabetized books, and those old-fashioned things called LPs and CDs.

    And she wouldn't think it's funny if I said, "why don't you pick out a Linear Programming [LP] exercise from the shelf. It's even better than Netflix."
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 11 Aug 2018 at 06:49 AM.

  45. #345
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    All right, so I think the two SE Asian women are sort of in some kind of competition.
    Uh-oh.

    There apparently was a competition of some kind. I was helping the older one wrestle a rather heavy, misshapen object onto her cart, and this other "associate" (one who has some more seniority and responsibilities — I know her pretty well, but we're just friendly, and I think she's involved with a male supervisor, who's also a good guy) came by and offered some advice just as I had the problem solved. Her advice was to do exactly what I'd already done.

    Apparently, that didn't go over too well with the older Asian.

    I don't know exactly what happened between them, but some kind of catfight, such that I was asked by the manager if I knew anything about that or heard any "words" between them.

    Of course not. I'm no rat or snitch.

    But I think there is some emotional content there that I'm very happy to not get involved in.

    Bitches be tripping, yo.

  46. #346
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    Observation #1

    If you have your bare feet up on your desk, and observe the space between, I guess the first metatarsals (?) and the first "knuckles" of the big toe on each foot, it resembles a nice part of female anatomy. OR, if you're not a perv, maybe a Venn diagram of exclusive-or (or "xor") between two mildly overlapping sets. Anyway, it's a nice oval pattern which remains open.

    Observation #2

    Hmmm. Yeah, I've heard more from my Asian friend. Apparently after I was done helping her solve the problem: the way she says it, the other woman kept following her and saying stuff about something or another, which ended with my Asian friend saying "shut up!" Apparently that went to HR, and even though she says she's leaving in a month, and when queried, she says she didn't get "in trouble," she was very upset, as in in tears, she claims, and really wanted me to go talk to the manager on her behalf.

    Which I would do, if asked, and, she stresses, "just say what you know, I know you were gone after incident happen, just say truth."

    But, while I would if asked, I'm not going to do that unless asked.

    Keep in mind this is the same "manager" who refused bereavement time to me, and about whom I think is cunty, and also, she and I get along well now, so, no, I'm not saying shit.

    I do believe her that she was in tears after whatever incident, and I feel terribly empathetic and wish I could help. But, I've done what I can in private conversation to assure her I'm on her side and that, IMHO, the other woman was wrong, or deranged or something. Which is true: the problem was solved, because I "solved" it, and there was no reason for those two to have any more conversation.

    She had a nice psychological "encourging-to-help-come-on" to me, though, after mentioning she was leaving after a month, "What about how she do to other women who are college or out of high school, I know she treat them bad too!"

    I don't know about that, but that's a good point, were it true (I have no idea, maybe this "other woman" is just one of those who gets along better with men, and I've always been friendly with her and vice versa: she's a little abrasive, maybe, but she's definitely got the idea of how to be friendly, if a little bit extroverted).

    Nope. Not getting involved. Of course, that was never a question. After all, I do have encoded on the back of my safety vest "[Manager_name] also eats ass-babies," so I've got to not rock the boat.

    Not that she has a "boat," that fucking incompetent, illiterate freak. She probably had it sewed shut once she saw a man.

    But still.

    ETA
    Quote Originally posted by JT
    Her legs aren't that great, though — I mean, tan and shapely, although kind of stumpy. She sure does like to show them off, though, IMHO.
    That's not fair. It's plenty reasonable for a woman to wear shorts. And her legs aren't exactly "stumpy," they just aren't as long as I suspect she wishes them to be.

    Pretty sure her glasses are fake fashion glasses, though.

    Which is cool.

    TBH, I don't really think about her that much. Not even sure what her bust size is, nor her waist-hip measurements. Pretty good, but nothing to get too excited about. She does have a nice tan, though: usually I find abused skin offensive, but it works for her.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 13 Aug 2018 at 07:31 AM.

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    I cannot fucking believe this Android shit.

    Even through "silence" mode.

    "blah blah your vehicle under warrrantee" and some other shit.

    Me: "I'm going to find out where you live and have you killed."

    "OK sir no problem and have a good day."

    Me: "You're going to be executed."

    Fucking prick shit-eating motherfuckers.

    BUT on the good note, I hadn't yet had the chance to say to someone in person "I will have you killed." So, got that out of the way.

    Yeah, legal eagles, it's only a "threat" if the other person is a puss-assed piece of shit and makes a big thing about it. So don't get your panties in a wad.

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    uh-oh.

    I think I might have upset my chub work-friend by revealing my not-so-secret plans re Morgan.

    "So, did you finally ask Morgan to go out to play pool?"

    —"Yeah, well, I put the idea out there, but it's not my style to apply pressure."

    "I got a great pool app I've been playing......etc etc....the graphics are really good."

    I should not have said anything to this woman. I'm thinking there'd be some weird passive-aggressive catfight, and if it gets nude, there's only one party I'd be paying attention to.

    And I might not like what I see.

    Which is terrifying.

    Because some women need to not have their clothes torn and be slapped by a she-beast in order to look their best.

    IMHO.

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