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06 Jul 2018 12:07 PM
#701
Oliphaunt
figure out how to save some of each paycheck in a coffee can.
Because when The Man knows what ___________________________________.
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06 Jul 2018 12:11 PM
#702
Member
your wife is smoking, he's sure to try to tax it.
As I've told my last three wives, __________________________
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06 Jul 2018 03:36 PM
#703
Oliphaunt
"you don't have to menstruate every single day."
Women, rags, and rag-pickers: now there's ________________________________.
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07 Jul 2018 12:04 AM
#704
Member
a group I really don't wanna overgeneralize about!
General Motors, General Mills and General Patton all _______________
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23 Jul 2018 12:15 AM
#705
Oliphaunt
had some fantastic (-ally awful) ideas about industrial design.
The best thing to do if you have some GI problems is ___________________________.
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23 Jul 2018 01:24 PM
#706
Member
to drink a gallon of pickle juice as fast you can. Works every time!
I'm always happy to give bad medical advice; in fact, _____________________
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23 Jul 2018 02:23 PM
#707
Oliphaunt
pickle juice is something people drink.
The first time I saw someone pickle brine, I about __________________________.
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24 Jul 2018 11:40 AM
#708
Member
lost my lunch.
Have you seen my lunch? I'm pretty sure ________________
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27 Jul 2018 01:43 PM
#709
Oliphaunt
there was either a woman or a baby in that soup.
I eat any kind of soup, no matter _____________________________.
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28 Jul 2018 08:46 PM
#710
Member
how often the CIA threatens my cats (in secret messages they send through my tooth fillings) if I choose the chunky chicken vegetable.
I swear, if the CIA doesn't lay off me, I'm gonna ____________
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29 Jul 2018 03:17 PM
#711
Oliphaunt
tell them their boss has a bunch of pills, a handgun, and a bottle of Listerine on his desk.
The only person who ever put "CIA" on her business card was _____________________________.
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31 Jul 2018 11:52 AM
#712
Member
my Great Aunt Edna, but what the hell, other than a stint in the OSS during World War II, she was usually delusional.
The last delusional episode I had, ______________________
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03 Aug 2018 04:33 AM
#713
Oliphaunt
I was convinced that every fertile woman had a lady-boner dedicated to me.
The second one starts generalizing about women's behavior, _______________________________.
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06 Aug 2018 09:11 AM
#714
Member
you can be assured that you're missing some key exceptions, 'cause they're all different, amiright?
I think it's about time I took up mountain-climbing again, because ______________________
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06 Aug 2018 10:32 AM
#715
Oliphaunt
there are some really good lady climbers who make a good sauce.
It takes a special kind of woman to enter the __________________________________
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07 Aug 2018 11:34 PM
#716
Member
gladiatorial games of Ancient Rome, once the time machines are up and running again.
I had, have and/or will have a time machine once, but _____________
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08 Aug 2018 04:32 AM
#717
Oliphaunt
my pet Sherman spilled purple drank all over the controls, for he is, although docile, an imbecile.
Mr. Peabody insists men should not wear shorts that are ___________________________.
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08 Aug 2018 09:31 AM
#718
Member
open at the crotch, as it is unacceptable in certain cultures. Well, most of them, actually.
I hate it when I have to go buy crotchless panties for my Great Aunt Edna, because ________________________
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09 Aug 2018 04:18 AM
#719
Oliphaunt
she makes me try them on and model them for her, and then complains that I stretched out the fabric.
Dogs should not have pet boys, because ______________________________.
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09 Aug 2018 11:04 PM
#720
Member
sooner or later a pretty girl from some post-apocalyptic underground city is gonna end up eaten.
I like to play Verdi while I'm ____________
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10 Aug 2018 03:35 AM
#721
Oliphaunt
wearing a kicky neckerchief and having a Campari and soda on the terrace.
Give a woman a dog, a tub of peanut butter, and she's ___________________________.
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10 Aug 2018 12:45 PM
#722
Member
gonna demand three million dollars, two stoats and a machete.
I immediately got that reference to a pretty girl from some post-apocalyptic underground city; it was from _____________________
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10 Aug 2018 01:50 PM
#723
Oliphaunt
well, there was a pool in it somewheres, and also something about science fiction.
When I open a tray of "Hot Italian" fresh sausages, the last thing I want is her to be __________________________________.
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11 Aug 2018 03:51 PM
#724
Member
holding back from making any tasteless and offensive Dago jokes.
(It was from A Boy and His Dog - sf, yes, but I don't remember anything about a pool)
Tasteless and offensive ethnic humor has its place, I think, especially when ____________
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13 Aug 2018 04:24 AM
#725
Oliphaunt
those people have it coming and deserve a good ribbing.
The only time "good ribbing for those people" is acceptable to say is _________________________.
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13 Aug 2018 04:19 PM
#726
Member
when you're going to a BBQ and don't mind having sticky fingers at the end.
I never drink beer with BBQ; instead I'd rather have __________________
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13 Aug 2018 08:01 PM
#727
Oliphaunt
a nice juicy watermelon, with a good woman to feed me smoked brisket while I recline.
Pulling pork is something that should only be done __________________________________.
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14 Aug 2018 03:53 PM
#728
Member
when accompanied by a squad of Latvian paratroopers, three Japanese ninjas and an Inuit bowler.
Inuit bowlers know all the best _________________
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14 Aug 2018 08:16 PM
#729
Oliphaunt
ice flows upon which to set those who don't obey league rules.
Best reason to join an amateur "sporting" league: ______________________________ but then, _______________________________.
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19 Aug 2018 11:28 PM
#730
Member
free beer... you'll recognize everyone at that week's AA meeting.
I would never go to an event just for free beer; of course, _____________
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20 Aug 2018 01:44 PM
#731
Oliphaunt
there's beer and then there's beer.
The phrase "sticky fingers" is oddly _______________________.
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20 Aug 2018 02:02 PM
#732
Member
evocative, even if you're not a Rolling Stones fan: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sticky_Fingers
I don't own that album, but _______________
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20 Aug 2018 06:40 PM
#733
Oliphaunt
that's because I'm totally hating on good music.
Marianne Faithfull probably did _______________________________.
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21 Aug 2018 10:28 AM
#734
Member
not pay extra for the surplus "L" in her last name.
When I want to buy an extra letter, I just ____________________
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21 Aug 2018 01:26 PM
#735
Oliphaunt
call Vanna White while pretending to be Mickey Rourke: lots of heavy breathing and sudden angry outbursts, and some fits of spastic crying.
Before I admit to sexual misdeeds, I like to ____________________________.
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22 Aug 2018 10:27 AM
#736
Member
keep pretending to be Mickey Rourke and blame everything on the traumatic experience of filming Angel Heart.
The last time I saw a scary movie like that, _____________________
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23 Aug 2018 06:10 AM
#737
Oliphaunt
I began to worship Robert De Niro, like a god.
The day I stop recycling neutral-smelling clothes between laundry days is the day ________________________________________.
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23 Aug 2018 12:49 PM
#738
Member
any of my six wives actually offers to do laundry for me.
Having six wives isn't all beer and skittles; sometimes _________________
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23 Aug 2018 01:47 PM
#739
Oliphaunt
they start acting all womanly and cat-fighty, and not in the good way.
Still, six wives is better than six husbands, because ___________________________.
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23 Aug 2018 02:07 PM
#740
Member
I'm a heterosexual dude and have no interest in having one husband, let alone six. I mean, jeez.
Thinking about it, though, if I had six husbands, I'd probably _______________
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23 Aug 2018 02:58 PM
#741
Oliphaunt
attach leg-irons and compel them to perform manual labor I don't wish to perform.
The nice thing about women and manual labor is that ________________________________.
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24 Aug 2018 02:17 PM
#742
Member
they're usually more than happy to let you do it.
I hope to be able to sleep in tomorrow morning, but ______________
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24 Aug 2018 02:55 PM
#743
Oliphaunt
there's these damned things I gotta do.
I once called a woman "The Beast of Yucca Flats": she _____________________________.
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25 Aug 2018 12:34 AM
#744
Member
insisted I have sex with her much more attractive nympho sister, but I found some lame excuse not to.
Now that I think of it, my excuse ____________
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25 Aug 2018 04:44 AM
#745
Oliphaunt
probably saved me from syphilis.
Of all the STDs, the one that _____________________________.
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25 Aug 2018 04:40 PM
#746
Member
I really don't want to get is Altairian crotchrot. And to think one doctor told me it didn't even exist!
Next time you're on Altair IV, be sure to _____________
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25 Aug 2018 04:46 PM
#747
Oliphaunt
make sure you're not mistaken for Alsatian.
Alsatian-French are a bunch of ___________________________.
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26 Aug 2018 11:35 AM
#748
Member
wonderful people, without exception, and I just wish we could clone the lot of 'em so there'd be even more.
The next time I visit Alsace, I must remember to ___________
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26 Aug 2018 12:43 PM
#749
Oliphaunt
not bring up the topic of religion, and not make fun of their accents.
The nice thing about Alsatian beer is that ______________________________.
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27 Aug 2018 09:32 AM
#750
Member
I've never had any.
Alsatians can get particularly touchy about beer, religion, clown porn and ____________________
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