and really should've just stopped there.
Call me Ishmael _________
and really should've just stopped there.
Call me Ishmael _________
and if you're at least a "C" cup, call me twice.
A priest, a preacher and a rabbi walk into ________________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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immortality in the Bar Joke Hall of Fame.
The chicken crossed the damn road because ________
it was stapled to the chicken from the last damn chicken joke.
If I'd known you were coming, I'd have ______________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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run for the hills.
When I look in the mirror, ______
why does my reflection look horrified?
When diving into a deep blue sea, ________
In the land of the blind, the one-arm man is king.
I'm always on the lookout for Thomas Jane and LL Cool J.
Now that it's the weekend ___________
the week has ended.
If I was a little taller, ___
I could look down your dress.
You may call me a voyeur, but ________
you don't really need to call the cops, do you?
I realized the gravity of the situation when ___________
I was plummeting to the Earth at about 800 mph.
Orbital skydiving just doesn't appeal to me, because ________
there's like a 35% chance I'll land on land, man.
The first rule of Fight Club is _____________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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bring cookies.
I find your lack of faith ___________
on the bathroom floor all the time; wouldja clean up after yourself once in a while, ya slob?
All dogs go to __________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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pee and poop somewhere, sometime.
I could tell you, but then I'd have to _____
eat a bag of cockroaches.
I am so drunk,_____
I could teg uh marl barl sumfin ortle wuzzle. Come back 'ere!
I don't always drink beer, but when I do, _____________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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I turn into a classy-yet-grizzled older gentleman.
On Sunday mornings ___________
I light a candle to the memory of Douglas Adams.
I know I look a trifle disheveled right now, but ______________________
you would too if you had my personalities
A stitch in time ____
happens pretty frequently on Star Trek; how come no interesting space-time anomalies ever happen to me?
My hand itches because _________
space-time anomalies always give me a slight rash.
I have never been more certain in my life that ______
velociraptors make terrible pets.
I can't imagine how this day could _______
mark the expiration of my dear grandmother AND my half-and-half.
Trespassers shall be _______________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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flayed alive while being forced to listen to Justin B.
Cruel and unusual punishment is just _______
fine by me!
If a tree falls in a forest, ______
and nobody is there to hear it, does it make my ankles look fat?
We hold these truths to be _____________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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unpleasant, so we will bury them under a metric fuckton of booze and denial.
All Gaul is divided ________
as to the merits of Miracle Whip versus mayonnaise.
Take these broken wings and _______________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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stop playing bad Christian rock.
Ask not what your country can do for you; ask _____
where the hell the bathroom is at this miserable music festival.
Two roads diverged in a wood and I ______
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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mistakenly took the one that led to the isolated cabin of a serial killer.
If my ghost could haunt you, it would ___________
probably be so unnoticeable that, hell, you'd never even bother to arrange an exorcism.
My strongest memory of seeing The Exorcist is ______
my head spinning 360 degrees while popcorn spewed from my mouth.
4 out of 5 dentists surveyed agree ______________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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they're really tired of responding to surveys.
The sign on my lawn says __________
BEWARE OF WIZARD! (Trespassers will be toad.)
I never get tired of talking about ________________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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myself.
I'm going to assume your hasty departure is due to _______
the Ex-Lax brownies I served you two hours ago for this very reason.
When in Rome, ___________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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do whatever you damn well please. It's your city now!
A stitch in time _______
strongly resembles post #70 of this thread.
I thought I told you never to ____________
floss your teeth with a knife!
I think, therefore ___
I'll probably blurt out an inappropriate comment any moment now.
I'm confused by _______
those multicolored lights I see at intersections, and all the beeping and honking I always seem to hear.
Before I ever say "I love you," I always _____
pass gas as silently as possible, then look at the dog in an accusing manner.
They never again invited me to a church potluck ___________
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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because I ate all the tater-tot casserole.
Whenever I got to the movies _________
in my misbegotten youth, I always went to the X-rated double feature.
Kids these days are just _____
spoiled by the easy availability of internet porn, unlike when I was a kid and we had to figure out how to deviously acquire and cleverly hide Penthouse.
This photo reminds me of _______
that time I saw the photographer get attacked by a tiger.
My mama always said, "Life is like _________________
a box of Crunchy Frogs, just before the police arrive."
People who post YouTube links to Monty Python sketches are obviously __________.
knights who say NI! NI!
May your dreams ______