18 May 2018 01:38 PM
#651
Oliphaunt
single-handedly turn a convent of discalced Carmelites into a whorehouse.
When I see them again, I swear ________________________________________________/
18 May 2018 11:32 PM
#652
Member
I'll think of some better future for them than that.
Visiting Paris in springtime always seems to _______________________
19 May 2018 05:20 AM
#653
Oliphaunt
make me sing like a fruit, "I love Paris in the springtime!"
When the Germans marched into Paris _______________________________
20 May 2018 12:56 PM
#654
Member
they immediately began ogling the pretty French girls.
Pretty French girls always make me wanna ___________________________
20 May 2018 01:47 PM
#655
Oliphaunt
make sure they've been taught how to wash, in the French fashion.
Anglo-American punk-rock girls sometimes have ____________________________________________.
20 May 2018 04:34 PM
#656
Member
piercings in places you just wouldn't believe.
My gilt-edged invitation to Harry and Meghan's wedding must've __________________________
20 May 2018 04:57 PM
#657
Oliphaunt
been accidentally fed to my pet dog, who turned it into something worthwhile.
TNP heard about that movie Black Panther IRL from somebody and thought _________________________________________________.
21 May 2018 02:36 PM
#658
Member
, "I gotta see that!" So I did, and it was a lot of fun.
The next movie I wanna see this summer is _____________________________
08 Jun 2018 05:11 AM
#659
Oliphaunt
the Zapruder footage, digitally "enhanced," on the basis of a restored print.
Thing about people always wanting to give you a "high five" is that ________________________________.
08 Jun 2018 11:49 AM
#660
Member
they always make me think of Seinfeld :
I can always count on Puddy to __________________________________
08 Jun 2018 06:23 PM
#661
Oliphaunt
talk in a funny cartoon voice.
Inspecting a woman's mouth on a first date for visible signs of a cold sore is _________________________________.
09 Jun 2018 10:35 PM
#662
Member
always greatly appreciated by her, I've found. Funny how they never want a second date, though....
My favorite celebrity mouth would have to be _________________
10 Jun 2018 08:53 AM
#663
Oliphaunt
Nick Nolte's, because it's filled with raccoon meat burritos and enough raw ether to intoxicate a Victorian drawing room.
One can learn a lot from Nick Nolte, like _____________________________.
10 Jun 2018 12:33 PM
#664
Member
all the best places to buy raccoon-meat burritos and raw ether.
I wish it would stop raining so that I could ______________________
10 Jun 2018 02:04 PM
#665
Oliphaunt
remember what it's like to be turned on my back in the sun, unable to turn myself over.
Nolte doesn't buy raccoon meat, or turtle meat, or any other kind of ____________________________.
11 Jun 2018 11:50 PM
#666
Member
meat that he can't beat with his feet, all reet!
I think I'll stay away from Singapore until well after the US-NK summit meeting, because _____________________
13 Jun 2018 03:37 AM
#667
Oliphaunt
Singapore too beaucoup.
Me and some guys gave a sock party to some guy, only it wasn't ________________________________________.
13 Jun 2018 11:40 AM
#668
Member
our fault, really, that he died the next day of internal injuries.
Whenever I watch Full Metal Jacket I think, ______________________________
13 Jun 2018 01:07 PM
#669
Oliphaunt
what ever happened to those socks and all that lubricating soap?
Socks and soap would be a good name for _____________________________.
14 Jun 2018 10:15 AM
#670
Member
a store that sold hand tools and parachutes. Just to mess with customers' heads, you know?
If I owned a store, it would definitely ___________________________________
14 Jun 2018 01:19 PM
#671
Oliphaunt
feature novelty foam hands for pointing out girls one desires to comrades, in a subtle fashion.
Pointing repeatedly at a girl to a female comrade, as she enters the toilet, behind her back, is probably ________________________________________.
14 Jun 2018 01:34 PM
#672
Member
not going to win you the Nobel Prize in Enlightened Gender Relations.
If I ever actually won the Nobel Prize in Enlightened Gender Relations, I'd _________________________________
14 Jun 2018 06:00 PM
#673
Oliphaunt
paint some lewd drawings of woman genitals on it in lipstick and hang it on the wall.
The next time I find a table with a missing cue ball, I'm going to ___________________________________.
15 Jun 2018 11:16 AM
#674
Member
take a nap on the pool table, because it just wouldn't be worth playing a game otherwise.
Big, burly dudes in biker bars who find you asleep on the pool table typically _______________________________
15 Jun 2018 12:21 PM
#675
Oliphaunt
are shit-faced or have severe injuries and are extremely ornery when awoken.
The next time you play pool against some random person in a bar, you should ___________________________.
15 Jun 2018 11:19 PM
#676
Member
bet them everything you own and assure them that they can kill you without consequence if you lose and then don't pay up within a week.
I don't usually bet anything when I play pool, because __________________
16 Jun 2018 05:17 AM
#677
Oliphaunt
I suck only slightly less than most of the vermin who play pool in bars.
Three-cushion billiards is the most-good of the games, but, ________________________________.
16 Jun 2018 11:18 PM
#678
Member
playing with Big Brother is double-plus ungood.
The last time I read George Orwell's 1984 , I ___________________________________
17 Jun 2018 09:11 AM
#679
Oliphaunt
made my own rat mask and wore it for Halloween.
Chasing skirts is a perfectly ____________________________.
17 Jun 2018 01:40 PM
#680
Member
understandable activity for a hormone-addled young man.
When I was a hormone-addled young man, I would often __________________
26 Jun 2018 10:52 AM
#681
Oliphaunt
take the family car out in the middle of the night and go grind with some seventeen-year-old poon.
Strange, when one gets to be a bit older, one never stops ________________________________________________.
26 Jun 2018 12:08 PM
#682
Member
yearning for fresh young poon - not entirely.
If I have to kill one more zombie today, I swear I will ____________________________
26 Jun 2018 01:11 PM
#683
Oliphaunt
murder the fuck out of the next goddamned nerd I hear.
Best thing about hearing some idiotic conversations about nerd shit is that ______________________________.
26 Jun 2018 10:17 PM
#684
Member
being able to cover my ears and loudly chant "Lalalalalalalala!"
The last time I did that, the White House called me and ______________________
27 Jun 2018 04:45 AM
#685
Oliphaunt
offered me a plum appointment as consul to Brazil.
Nice thing about Brazil nuts is that __________________________.
27 Jun 2018 12:33 PM
#686
Member
they were a running gag in the British farce Charley's Aunt , a high school production of which I appeared in many years ago.
The other high school plays I was in included ____________________________________________
27 Jun 2018 02:51 PM
#687
Oliphaunt
Georgy Kaufman's If Men Played Cards as Women Do , among others.
The real good reason to tip generous when getting a haircut is that ______________________
28 Jun 2018 01:46 PM
#688
Member
otherwise your barber might go all Sweeney Todd on you.
Getting my throat slit by a homicidal barber is definitely not _________________________________________
30 Jun 2018 09:21 AM
#689
Oliphaunt
that bad, provided I'm well and truly dead when Angela Lansbury makes the kidney pies.
The nice thing about forgetting where you parked twelve hours ago is _______________________________________________.
30 Jun 2018 11:06 AM
#690
Member
that either helpful car thieves will move your car for you, or you'll get a whopping parking fine from the police telling you where it is.
Most of my encounters with the police ____________________________
01 Jul 2018 02:40 PM
#691
Oliphaunt
are polite and professsional.
You know who else was polite and professional: _________________________________________.
02 Jul 2018 01:26 PM
#692
Member
the IRS agent who audited me and said I owed Uncle Same another $450k, plus penalties. The dick.
Most of my encounters with the IRS have been ____________________________
03 Jul 2018 04:28 AM
#693
Oliphaunt
irritating, when actually speaking to a RL person on the phone — they are not the best customer servants.
Using one week's paycheck to do car stuff is ____________________________.
03 Jul 2018 01:41 PM
#694
Member
just about par for the course when you own a lemon like mine.
If you offer me a piece of lemon meringue pie, _____________
03 Jul 2018 06:08 PM
#695
Oliphaunt
I'd say, "that's adorable, go have some children eat your little pie: you got anything for adults, like lemon-infused vodka served in a highball glass, you cheap bastard?"
"Well, here's you, there's the liquor store, in between there's a few miles: ______________________________________."
04 Jul 2018 09:40 AM
#696
Member
better start walkin' if you want to get your drink on today, pal.
To celebrate Independence Day today, I plan to ________________
04 Jul 2018 11:01 PM
#697
Oliphaunt
take an extra Benadryl, put in earplugs, and dream about scores of millennials next door committing mass suicide-by-fireworks.
You should always light, step back, and watch _____________________.
05 Jul 2018 07:25 PM
#698
Member
in appreciative silence the giant, stinky cigar your girlfriend is smoking.
If my wife started smoking cigars, _________________
05 Jul 2018 07:58 PM
#699
Oliphaunt
she would hold the greater power to burn the back of my hands, in one of her daily menstruation-filled rages.
If I had a dozen oranges, a large towel, and a cigar-smoking wife, __________________________________________.
06 Jul 2018 12:05 PM
#700
Member
I'd have three-eighths of what I needed for a really interesting weekend.
Next weekend, I've really gotta ___________________________
Last edited by Elendil's Heir; 06 Jul 2018 at 12:08 PM .
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