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Thread: Steven Wright Appreciation Thread:

  1. #1
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Feb 2009
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    Default Steven Wright Appreciation Thread:

    http://www.wright-house.com/steven-w...ght-jokes.html

    Just a few:
    Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.



    I didn't know it then, but looking back, in hindsight, I realize that when I was younger I could see into the future. Now I'm getting all my premonitions as flashbacks!





    He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."

    Four years ago... No, it was yesterday.


    Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

  2. #2
    Member Elendil's Heir's avatar
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    (Oh, man, I love Steven Wright! I've seen him live twice. Very, very funny guy).

    I saw a restaurant that had a sign that said, "Breakfast served any time." So I went in and ordered French toast from the Renaissance.

    It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

    My last apartment had an old switch on the wall and I couldn't figure out what it did. So I flicked it a coupla times. A week later I got a letter from Germany that read, "Cut it out."

    I used to work in a fireplug factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

    I had a crazy old grandfather. One time he asked me, "How old are you, Steven?" I said, "I'm five." He said, "When I was your age, I was six already."

  3. #3
    Porosity Caster parzival's avatar
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    A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire
    planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were
    here."

    I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So
    I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".

    A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?"
    I said, "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator.
    When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole
    car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it."

    I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act
    like I'm in a submarine that's been hit.

    I have a full-size map of the world. I hardly ever unroll it.

  4. #4
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Mar 2009
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    Love this guy.

    I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

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