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Thread: You've Got To Be Joking

  1. #1
    Content Generator AllWalker's avatar
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    Default You've Got To Be Joking

    Guess what this common joke was, before I ran it through Google Translate (English to Malay to French to Korean to English). Then submit your own joke, suitably distorted however you wish.

    "We are come to the bar," I plant and tonic ........". bartender asks, "Why the big stop? Says the bear, "My father does not know them," he said.
    Hehehe. Classic.
    Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.

  2. #2
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    This kills.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  3. #3
    Porosity Caster parzival's avatar
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    The bear walks into a bar, orders a "gin and ... tonic" and when the bartender asks him, "Why the big pause?" the bear holds up his hands and says, "Hey, I was born this way "['I take after my dad' in this version?]

    Latvian->Filipino
    What is black and red on white?

    Turkish->Maltese->Chinese

    A person to work one morning and said: "Hey boss, I feel great today, I did not work, my legs, arms, head hurts." Boss replied: "Usually I only like sex to feel better, when I told my wife to go home, so I want to. "

    A few hours later, the man said to his boss. "I did what you said, I feel very good in one hour I will return to work. Beidou Road, has a beautiful home."

  4. #4
    Clueless but well-meaning Hatshepsut's avatar
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    English-Indonesian-Russian-Thai-English created this (which is actually fairly close to the original - just add a verb or two plus proper punctuation and it's back to comprehensible):

    Rabbi and a priest and a Lutheran pastor in bar.Barmen looked up and said. "This kind of joke."

    A person to work one morning and said: "Hey boss, I feel great today, I did not work, my legs, arms, head hurts." Boss replied: "Usually I only like sex to feel better, when I told my wife to go home, so I want to. "

    A few hours later, the man said to his boss. "I did what you said, I feel very good in one hour I will return to work. Beidou Road, has a beautiful home."
    I'm going to guess the original goes something like this:

    A man goes to work and says to his boss, "Hey, I don't feel so great. I'm kind of achy all over." The boss says, "When I feel like that, I go home and have sex with my wife; it makes me feel much better." The man says "good idea, I'll try it." A few hours later the man returns and says "I did what you said, and it worked! By the way, you have a beautiful home."
    Last edited by Hatshepsut; 29 Nov 2011 at 08:38 PM.

  5. #5
    Administrator CatInASuit's avatar
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    How do you people get these jokes? I have no clue what so ever.
    In the land of the blind, the one-arm man is king.

  6. #6
    Member Elendil's Heir's avatar
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    Try this (no mistranslations involved):

    A married couple had been out Christmas shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon. Suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had "disappeared."

    The somewhat irate lady called her mate’s cellphone and demanded, "Where the hell are you?"

    He said, "Darling, you remember, a few years ago, that jewelry store where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn't have any money that time, but I said, 'Baby, it'll be yours someday'?"

    His wife, blushing, said, "Yes, I remember that very well, dear."

    He said, "Well, I'm in the bar next to that store."

  7. #7
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Penguins will take a car service.

    Penguins ride before he said it would take some time machine.

    To provide an ice cream cone across the street from the grocery store and waiting for the penguins, the ice continues melting, but it was a hot day.

    If he returns to the garage penguins. Mechanic looked at him and said: "It seems the dawn of the seal"

    Penguin said: "Oh, it's just ice cream," he said.
    So now they are just dirt-covered English people in fur pelts with credit cards.

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