+ Reply to thread
Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Proper Conduct for the Modern Time Lord and Time Lady

  1. #1
    Content Generator AllWalker's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Antipodea
    Posts
    1,479

    Default Proper Conduct for the Modern Time Lord and Time Lady

    The Time Lord civilisation is among the oldest in the Whoniverse, possibly the universe, and certainly one of the most technologically advanced. According to the Kardashev scale, Gallifrey is well above a Type III civilisation. They have mastered time travel, can create black holes on a whim and not only manipulate but police and maintain the laws of physics. TARDISes are like self-contained worlds of their own, capable of going anywhere/anywhen and sustaining any sort of environment internally, and are generally pretty indestructible to anything nature can throw at them.

    Which raises the obvious question: why do they all seem to live of Gallifrey, a single planet? They can harness the energy of entire universes and beyond, but they built their cities on a single world? One notion is that they strive for non-interference by isolating themselves to one world, but I have a different theory.

    They are culturally stagnant.

    Think about it – the Time Lords are technologically advanced but socially backwards. Their fashion reeks of the ‘70s and ‘80s, they are so pompous that even their lower classes are Lords and Ladies, and they consider themselves the masters of all reality (whether or not that’s true). No wonder the Doctor ran for 20th England… it’s the least sophisticated and civilised place in the universe.

    But I can prove this theory that they are culturally stagnant. I came across a book in the ruins of Torchwood, one which describes the way proper Gallifreyans are expected to behave. I give to you now, excerpts from the book Proper Conduct for the Modern Time Lord and Time Lady:

    Like all bodily functions, Regenerations are not to be referenced in polite company. It is improper conduct to comment if a host has Regenerated since your last encounter; similarly, if you yourself have Regenerated since your last encounter then it is unseemly to display any unique body parts you may have acquired. Under no circumstances should a Time Lord enquire or guess as to the number of Regenerations a Time Lady has undergone, nor should she volunteer this information. If you are in polite company and find yourself unable to prevent a Regeneration, then a well-timed, discreet cough can mask the unfortunate event.

    Cutlery placement and usage is vital. Sonic forks go on the left, sonic knives go on the right. Though a Time Lady’s attire should be properly deadlocked, it is inappropriate to ever aim a sonic device at anyone, whether or not the device is active.

    When entering a fellow Time Lord’s TARDIS for the first time, it is polite to favourably comment how much bigger it is on the inside. However, comparing the size of your TARDIS to the host’s is highly frowned upon.

    Gallifreyans possess a respiratory bypass system. This is to be used as a last resort only when one’s life is threatened, never in the bedroom.

    There is a current trend among higher circles of Time Lord society to give pompous, absurd names to mundane tools and locations. This is to be encouraged at all times.

    Make sure your Continuity Maintainer of Tartarus is well serviced – while this has the unfortunate effect of leaving one blind to future calamities, one doesn’t want to commit a faux pas such as meeting one’s spouse when he or she does not know you, going to your own parents’ wedding or, worse, becoming your parents’ childhood friend. Please note that while it is theoretically conceivable that one might attend one’s own parents’ marriage without violating the laws of physics, it is not achievable unless said parents first violated the sanctity of the bedroom with extramarital relations.


    Sheesh. No wonder they went extinct.
    Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.

  2. #2
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
    Registered
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    9,908

    Default

    Quote Originally posted by AllWalker View post
    If you are in polite company and find yourself unable to prevent a Regeneration, then a well-timed, discreet cough can mask the unfortunate event.
    I don't know why exactly, but this line in particular has set me off into a gigglefit.
    So now they are just dirt-covered English people in fur pelts with credit cards.

  3. #3
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
    Registered
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Central NJ (near Bree)
    Posts
    10,071

    Default

    Well they were a stagnant civilization indeed. About the only this left was for a Brutal to show up and shake things up. Change could not come from within. Sadly even Leela was not able to accomplish this goal when the Doctor tried to save Gallifrey.

+ Reply to thread

Posting rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts