Not death, not even a horse-whipping, just enough of a punishment to be a disincentive.
Making air quotes.
Not death, not even a horse-whipping, just enough of a punishment to be a disincentive.
Making air quotes.
Writing a check, or using coupons, in the "10 items or fewer" line. At any store.
I've never heard anyone say that. When do people do that to you?
I would nominate the following heinous offenses:
* modifying the adjective "unique" with any other word
* texting Person 1 while you're talking to Person 2 face to face
* failing to wave in acknowledgement when someone lets you cut into traffic
* failing to hold an elevator for someone when it would delay you less than 20 seconds
* waiting until you get to the fast-food restaurant counter to start thinking about what you're going to order
* talking or texting in movies after being politely asked to stop
* finishing juice, milk or a roll of toilet paper and then failing to immediately replace it
* not confining your dog when you know your guest doesn't like to be jumped on
Standing at the top of the escalators looking round where to go next while blocking everyone trying to get off.
In the land of the blind, the one-arm man is king.
Talking on a cell phone inside a store or restaurant for more than a couple minutes. Take your emergency call if you must, but it's not the place for a lengthy conversation.
Walking slowly in the dead center of the sidewalk so that people have to move out into the street to get past you.
People who leave cabinet/microwave/toaster oven doors open, or who don't close the top of the copier when they're finished should be beaten to death with a tire iron.
Talking on your cell phone at the cash register.
Dragging more merchandise than you'll possibly need to look at out of place in a store and leaving it.
So, I'll whisper in the dark, hoping you'll hear me.
People who get to the front of a long queue and then try to work out what they wanted.
In the land of the blind, the one-arm man is king.
Driving slow in the left-hand lane.
Pulling right in front of my driveway to sit at the red light instead of leaving me a bit of room to pull out. I'm sitting RIGHT THERE at the end of the drive, don't fucking pretend you don't see me.
The converse: stopping your big-ass SUV to let me turn left into my driveway instead of just pulling up to the light. I can't see around you and I don't feel like getting creamed by someone in the next lane who doesn't know why you're sitting there in the middle of the block like an idiot.
I have a lot of driving-related rage.
Using the letter "u" as a second person pronoun.
Parking in front of my occupied driveway to wait for your kid to get out of school.
So, I'll whisper in the dark, hoping you'll hear me.
Talking to strangers in the subway to say anything more than "Is this where I get out for the Eaton Centre?". This might be rough on the handful of people who have something pleasant to say, but they're far out-numbered by the nuts, assholes and assholey nuts.
Asking questions about menu items at the drive-thru speaker.
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
Talking on the phone while paying for something.
"I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."
-Jim Rockford
Using business jargon more than once daily.
Giving unsolicited childrearing advice.
Leaving just a few drops of juice or milk in the container and not replacing it in the fridge.
Condescendingly dismissing legitimate complaints with the #firstworldproblems tag.
Luckily it's not though or I'd be out $50 right now.
Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.
Failing to clean out the dryer lint trap at least every other wash.
Failing to turn off the lights in a room when you leave.
Failing to hang up a wet towel.
Failing to replace the toilet paper roll.
Leaving your shopping cart in an empty parking space/on a concrete barrier/in a planter instead of walking it to the cart return or (gasp!) the front of the store.
Paying for a pen or an eraser with a €50 note.
Playing loud music early in the morning. Look, I know you're allowed to now. It's daytime! So just give me a fifty and I won't have to build an EMP ray to point at your car.
So now they are just dirt-covered English people in fur pelts with credit cards.
Accelerating to push yourself just that ONE EXTRA CAR AHEAD when two lanes merge instead of going with the flow of traffic like everyone else who isn't a dipwad.
Taking the last ice cube from the tray and not making more ice.
I like the ice maker, but it did take me weeks to stop going "What the hell was that?" every time it crashed.
That reminds me I was in a friend's house one night when he wasn't there (with his permission, I hasten to say), and the noise of the icemaker freaked me out in the other room until I figured out what it was!
"You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."
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To get enough ice I tend to now put glasses in the freezer with an inch of water in them.