Justin Bieber - the Baby Daddy

[CatInASuit]

So the allegation goes that Justin Bieber, all 17 years of him had sex for the first time with a fan backstage at one of his concerts and has promptly become a father. The mother, 19 yr old Mariah Yeater, is now claiming paternity from him and wants a paternity test to prove it.

More on the story here.

Could be an expensive 30 seconds for Mr Beiber, although that was three times longer than Boris Becker. I'm betting his agents are desperately hoping it is false. If it is true, expect a settlement, sooner rather than later.

[Orual]

I would be more surprised if the Biebs wasn't screwing his groupies. Hell, if I were him I'd be using the "oh its my 1st time" line every dang night.

[OneCentStamp]

The young man has access to trim in quantities that would have been beyond even my impressive imaginations at that age, and it would be beyond effortless for him to take advantage on a daily basis. There's no way he's keeping it in his pants.

[Zuul]

I just have to say that "I want to fuck the shit out of you" is the grossest sexual phrase. It conjures up some really unappealing mental images. Ugh.

[OneCentStamp]

It does lend itself to unfortunate literal interpretation, doesn't it?

[Zuul]

I never really thought about it until a gay friend complained about it being used in porn during anal sex. And then it just...gah.

[CatInASuit]

Well, if he had been, I guess he wouldn't be facing a paternity suit.

[OneCentStamp]

And if he has been, I hope he hasn't been double dipping, because hello UTIs.

[The Original An Gadaí]

At least he didn't say he wanted to scoop the poop out of her. There'd be no ambiguity about that.

[Elendil's Heir]

There's something to be said for ambiguity when it comes to romance.

[Orual]

This is so much more thought than I ever wanted to give to Justin Bieber's sex life.

[Muffin]

$800 bucks, a bucal swab, and wait, wait, wait, wait . . .

[Muffin]

Is she being prosecuted yet for having sex with a minor?

[CatInASuit]

She certainly should be as he was 16 at the time but that's only likely to occur if any test comes back positive, otherwise she is just a crank.

This could become the new groupie status symbol. Never mind sleeping with a pop star, have their kid and take them for a lot of money and life security.

[Muffin]

A celebrity just isn't a celebrity wihtout a love child.

[OneCentStamp]

This could become the new groupie status symbol. Never mind sleeping with a pop star, have their kid and take them for a lot of money and life security.

This is not new. Groupies actively trying to get pregnant with stars' kids is prevalent enough that Kanye West and Jamie Foxx recorded a song about it, the song went to #1, and they didn't exactly have to explain what it was about:



"18 years, 18 years
She got one of yo' kids, got you for 18 years
I know somebody payin' child support for one of his kids
His baby momma's car crib is bigger than his
You will see him on TV, any given Sunday
Win the Superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai
She was supposed to buy ya shorty Tyco with ya money
She went to the doctor got lipo with ya money
She walkin' around lookin' like Michael with ya money
Shoulda' got that insured, GEICO for ya moneeey(your money)
If you ain't no punk holla' we want pre-nup
WE WANT PRE-NUP!, yeah
It's something that you need to have
'Cause when she leave yo' ass she gon' leave with half
18 years, 18 years
And on her 18th birthday, he found out it wasn't his?"

[Zuul]

Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, but...

[OneCentStamp]

Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, but...

...she ain't messin' with no broke androgynous Canadian white boys.

[CatInASuit]

and it looks as though its not going to happen.

Case withdrawn, lawyers resigning, Bieber threatening to take the paternity test and sue for defamation etc. etc.

Ah well, all his fans can sleep easy at night knowing he is still pure and chaste and that they will be the one.