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Thread: Questions you need the answer to.

  1. #651
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Yeah, that's a pretty stupid stunt, but no animals were harmed in the making. And, she acquitted herself well -- hey, I can't do it, so good for her.

    Oh yeah, so question. Are people all there is? If so, how did Bach get through the day? By, apparently, constantly screwing his wife?

    I'd prefer that one put people in cages. And there should be no master. The scientific Weltanschauung is a dismal one, which disregards Leibniz's Hauptfrage. Rational consideration obliges one to discard the bulk of biological and natural-scientific studies, as well as the fetishism of process and technology it encourages.

    Yeah, right. Question. Am I right? Of course I am. But does one agree?

  2. #652
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    Why, despite the people at the hospital mixing up my file with someone else's, and generally showing they have no interest in whether I live or die, do I choose to believe them when they say my retina is healed?

  3. #653
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    Hospitals are proof that god hates you and wants you to suffer. Just to be a jerk to you in particular, I got an eye exam today for new spectacles on one of America's Worst specials. Can you believe they wanted fifty extra bucks to turn one of their "two-fer" specials into shades? Well, without that, it was USD70 for two pairs plus eye exam. My eyes are shit, but the bright news is, being pretty myopic, the DO said I may need reading glasses much later than my cohort.

    I want to know if people think animated GIF's are as funny as I do, on occasion. The Jack Nicholson-in-*The Shining* one that's been making the rounds cracked me up, and it is my new "happy place." ETA Here's Johnny!
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 14 Sep 2015 at 08:12 PM.

  4. #654
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    QUESTION (pronounced in Cajun-man voice): is it just me, or is that one of the most erotic displays of athleticism anyone's ever seen?

  5. #655
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    QUESTION 1ERE
    Where am I supposed to get locally and cheap (ie, not a jeweler), on of those little springy-bars that attach the metal band of a watch to the face assembly?
    QUESTION 2EME
    Now that weed is legal here, albeit not public consumption, I'm just reminded of how nasty some strains can smell. I swear to Christ this is dirtweed, not kind bud. Smells dirty, diluted, not overly-aromatic. Well, like the kind poor people would reserve for rolling a J with -- which is "exactly what we have here, boy." And fucking A. Me smoking a regular tobacco pipe, I'm probably going to get blamed from now on out. Which fucking pisses me off.

  6. #656
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    QUESTION 1ERE
    Where am I supposed to get locally and cheap (ie, not a jeweler), on of those little springy-bars that attach the metal band of a watch to the face assembly?
    Question answered (after trying Target, RiteAid, Dollar Tree). There's a local subsidiary of Kroger called Fred Meyer that, in their "superstores" (i.e., not just groceries, but clothes, electronics, garden stuff, whatever), has a jeweler. I was getting really peeved not wearing my watch, so I broke down and went to the "Watch Repair" section of the jeweler where some guy with a loupe seemingly permanently attached to one eye spent like ten minutes fiddling with my watch, and in the meantime like three or four customers came in to see him, and he was already working on stuff when I came in -- he did it, and when I asked "who should I pay?" He just shrugged and said, "don't worry about it."

    That was a fucking cool-ass dude.

    And I spent the morning helping my mother de-Sanford-and-Son part of her garage, so looked definitely grubby and blue-collary. Not my usual go out in public clothes. Maybe he took pity.

    They did have some NICE looking Citizen watches behind the glass. Not outrageously expensive, either -- not ones I'd necessarily be interested in if I had the money. ETA I don't know....the Citizen models seemed pretty flashy. I'm still holding out for a nice simple ana-digi with a slide-rule bezel.

    But, the answer for future archeologists -- go to a jeweler, be polite and respectful, and they'll probably just do it for you.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 09 Oct 2015 at 03:30 PM.

  7. #657
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    /********************QUESTION*********************/

    How is it possible for (cologne/perfume)'s stench to linger? Corollary question: I sprayed the other day some Drakar Noir (only cologne/aftershave I have -- ca 1992 or so, probably) on my clothes because I had to go run a quick errand and hadn't been my usually hygienic, groomed self. Three or four days later -- quarantine of the offending clothes, shower, two shampooings of hair, scrubbing of the back with the back-scrubber, opening of the bathroom window. I still can't get over the lingering stench.

    I don't see why people malign Drakar Noir -- it's a good enough scent, I guess. But it seems to stick in my nose more than the 2-qt saucepan I burned to a crisp yesterday. I guess this is why certain people shower every day -- they wear aftershave and stuff and, trust me, it's a disgusting smell to have lingering.

    Ever been a houseguest and slept in the bed some other man slept in? I bet you, in America, anyway, it stinks like hell of some aftershave-type product.

    Disgusting. Fucking A, just grab a Speed Stick. No, that is neither pool/billiards nor Cruising slang

    /**************QUESTION SOLVED******************/

    To rethread a drawstring through clothes which need it (sweatpants, stuff like that), grab a pen with a removable cap, thread one end around the "bit" end, replace the cap firmly, and use the "cap end" as a guide to worm your way through the fabric garbage.

  8. #658
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    Why does it bug me when people use exclamation marks too much? Why do I think there is such a thing as using exclamation marks too much?

  9. #659
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    The used bookstore with the "Please hang up your cellphones before entering" sign: Why do they allow yappy dogs inside? If I turned my ringtone to the sound of yappy dogs, could I leave it on? Or would it still be wrong because if comes from a device used by people living in this century?

  10. #660
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    I know the answer to that last one, but I'm not going to say it because it's so obvious. I mean, come on, who do you think those signs are FOR anyway? They give "flava" to the place. Like this sandwich place a long time ago prided itself on having random signs up around the cash register, like "no sunglasses," and crazy shit straight off a Dr Bronner shampoo bottle.

  11. #661
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Dr Bronner is good soap. A lot of the imitators go for the crazy and miss the quality.

  12. #662
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    Nothing wrong with Dr. Bronner. I don't often wash, but when I do, I want all mucus membranes to burn by peppermint. BTW peppermint is the best flavor of DB soap. They should give it to children. For snacks. Then maybe they wouldn't be so fat.

    QUESTION: Do most people associate the word "luger" with guns? For some reason, I think it's hilarious when I read in my new favorite book, Luger's *Artificial Intelligence*, to remark to myself something related to a gun, like "take a Luger to your brain," followed by, of course, "eat the death pill."

  13. #663
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    Yes, when I hear "Luger," I think of the German pistol.

  14. #664
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    I do have a question, about which google is not forthcoming to me. i have a brand new LED light bulb which works OK in some receptacles (over my bathroom sink, in a small thing by my bed -- not the same receptacle), but it won't light up in an old torchiere-style floor lamp in my front room for which regular incandescent bulbs are fine.

    It's fucked up, I'm telling you. And I require answers why.

  15. #665
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    I know the answer to that last one, but I'm not going to say it because it's so obvious. I mean, come on, who do you think those signs are FOR anyway? They give "flava" to the place. Like this sandwich place a long time ago prided itself on having random signs up around the cash register, like "no sunglasses," and crazy shit straight off a Dr Bronner shampoo bottle.
    http://www.speakupwny.com/forums/arc.../t-15653.html?[/quote]

  16. #666
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    /**************************************************
    ***QUESTION***************************************
    *************************************************/

    WHY do people think using underscores is good?

    You tell me. Is big_elevator more legible than bigElevator?

    These people are worse than fucking dogshit.

  17. #667
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    I do have a question, about which google is not forthcoming to me. i have a brand new LED light bulb which works OK in some receptacles (over my bathroom sink, in a small thing by my bed -- not the same receptacle), but it won't light up in an old torchiere-style floor lamp in my front room for which regular incandescent bulbs are fine.

    It's fucked up, I'm telling you. And I require answers why.
    Does the torchiere-style floor lamp include a dimmer switch? LED bulbs come in dimmable and non-dimmable versions. pretty much all incandescent bulbs are dimmable.

  18. #668
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    Quote Originally posted by What Exit? View post
    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    I do have a question, about which google is not forthcoming to me. i have a brand new LED light bulb which works OK in some receptacles (over my bathroom sink, in a small thing by my bed -- not the same receptacle), but it won't light up in an old torchiere-style floor lamp in my front room for which regular incandescent bulbs are fine.

    It's fucked up, I'm telling you. And I require answers why.
    Does the torchiere-style floor lamp include a dimmer switch? LED bulbs come in dimmable and non-dimmable versions. pretty much all incandescent bulbs are dimmable.
    No. And thanks for the response -- a good trouble-shooting step. It's just a receptacle for the...whatever it's called...like a 20A eta E12? I don't remember. I worked for a Christmas season at Home Depot at electronics and never got the hang of the lightbulb section.or something screw-in bulb, on and off. It lights my neon "open" sign just fine, off the same circuit, and handles incandescent bulbs like a champ.

    Maybe it is supposed to be a dimmable receptacle, for all I know. I checked for stray moth wings in the receptacle, but didn't find any. ETA no, it's just an off/on switch. But maybe there's some kind of internal circuitry that is designed to optimize use of the torchiere for one of those wall-mounted pots/dimmers.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 07 Nov 2015 at 12:16 PM.

  19. #669
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    Why would someone who's already carrying two cups of McDonalds coffee walk into a little bakery (that sells coffee), not respond when the cashier greets her, stand around for a couple minutes, then leave without saying a word?

  20. #670
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    Details needed for correct answer. Crazy cat lady, complete with hair? Your average rich bitch? Twenty-something yuppie? Bag lady? Jewish, Protestant, or Catholic?

  21. #671
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    Looked closer to 20 something yuppie than any of the other options.

  22. #672
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    Well, then that explains it. She was a dumbass.

  23. #673
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    Here's a mild question. I was on public transport earlier today, and when I was about ready to disembark, the lady sitting by a door smiled at me. No, it wasn't *that* kind of lady -- a pretty fat woman probably fifteen or more years my senior. And it wasn't that kind of smile, more like "hi, son!" I didn't do anything strange to attract her attention in the few minutes prior, just packed my pipe, put my book in my satchel, put my gloves on, you know, like you do.

    No, it didn't harsh my mellow, but it's pretty weird, somebody just looking at you and smiling, expressly, at you.

    On a related note, and I could have been wasted (it was night and I was ambling back home) and hallucinated it, but I'm pretty sure my downstairsnik said "Hi!" (with the exclamation point) about a week ago. That's OK, I said (I think) hi back in a friendly way. I was extremely rude to her when she first moved in or maybe bought the place below me about her parking in my spot, but then, also when I was drunk, I saw her outside when I was coming back with her dog and asked if I could "say hi" to the dog, and I'm sure she hears all kinds of bullshit piano playing coming from above her, so we're cool.

    It was just a weird, random "hello," in that case. She's getting kind of chunkier.

    Maybe the plus-sizes are feeling me out.

  24. #674
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    Goddammit. It's been a long time (meaning, a week or so), but I have to admit.

    I think my hair is falling out. Every time I scratch my head there are long, Fabio-like strands left in my hand.

    Jesus fucking christ. It's like one good thing I got going, "Hey, at least I'm not bald." Well, I've been receding for a few years, but like in a cool, Christian Slater way. Now where is all this other hair falling out of? My dowry? My wonderful mane of hair on top?

    I will not forget this, mother nature, you twat whore bitch cunt.

    So yeah my question is: why?

  25. #675
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    God hates us and wants us to suffer.

    Yeah, I dunno, went through the same kind of thing. Even when I had gone grey, my hair was still thick, which is unusual in my family. Then all of a sudden, it was thin. (Shakes fist at the sky.)

  26. #676
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    I agree. It is a personal insult. Unwarranted, unfair, unplanned. Through "adversity" my ass. My goddamned fucking hair. Jesus fucking christ. Dammit.

    You know you're getting old when, everytime you get a haircut, you think about asking the hair-cutter to "take it all off the top," and presenting her with a chainsaw. But only if she shows you her boobies first.

  27. #677
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    Well, then that explains it. She was a dumbass.
    Oh, "thinking" about it more, she's not just a dumbass, she's also mentally disturbed or incompetent or non compos mentis or whatever it is. Every single fucking day people do weird shit.

    Non-adaptive ideations coupled with societal buffeting, and the delusions of power granted by technology.

    Yeah, she was an idiot.

    Final answer.

  28. #678
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    You're really into this "Final answer" thing now, aren't you? Is Who Wants to Be A Millionaire even on anymore?

  29. #679
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    Why does Facebook think I may want to be friends with so many people who have Confederateflags on their profile pictures?

  30. #680
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    I don't know, but I really hope they're wrong.

  31. #681
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    Way wrong, but it's odd. All I can think of is that I like Robert E. Howard, the Conan the Barbarian writer -- maybe there's a lot of Stars and Bars types among his readership.

  32. #682
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    Quote Originally posted by Elendil's Heir View post
    You're really into this "Final answer" thing now, aren't you? Is Who Wants to Be A Millionaire even on anymore?
    Well, if it wasn't funny to me once, it can only be improved by repeating like a mental patient.

    ETA I meant to say "was funny." Whoops. Maybe Freudian slip or something.

    Final answer.

    And, no, I have no idea if that Millionaire show is still on -- that is indeed the source I was cribbing from.

  33. #683
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    Quote Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday View post
    Why does Facebook think I may want to be friends with so many people who have Confederateflags on their profile pictures?
    WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!!!!

    I don't know how FB searches and sorts its data, but it must be something.

    ETA on inspecting your more recent information. Yeah, that would do it. Nothing against genre fiction myself, but they are sorting the data using some kind of tree, and, in keeping with the Southern US tradition, you probably pinged some kind of sibling relation. Economy of scale, it's bound to happen.

    The more better question for me is: why do you pay attention to what FB plants in your lap? I love FB, but I just flat-out don't pay any attention to what other people, including the "people" that is FB, say. It's just for chatting with friends, sharing pictures, and stuff. Ignore all the other BS, I'd say.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 30 Nov 2015 at 04:14 PM.

  34. #684
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    Well, the thing is, sometimes I look at who Facebook thinks I may know, because sometimes they are pretty accurate -- people I used to talk about movies with at another site, what have you. I don't even look that often, but last time there had to be a half dozen Stars and Bars types and my jaw dropped.

  35. #685
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    OK. Yes, I was actually, believe it or not, kind of condescending, rurde, and stupid in suggesting "suck it up, you pussy, and enter the internet age with your diapers empty, gramps."

    I would like to know how FB figures out its stuff too. I'm still betting it's a tree (like a phone tree, you know, not an actual tree) of some kind. I'll bet you anything it's the historical re-enactment, alt-history that got you pinged as bubba's cousin's brother's wife's son-in-law, so y'all are down in the family.

  36. #686
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    For people who live in regions where marijuana plant-matter is legal, or effectively legal. I wouldn't say I don't smoke, in fact, I enjoy it every now and then, although the last time I smoked was with some kid on campus six months ago or so I was talking to, and before that, a few years ago.

    But, even as basically a non-partaker, this seems bizarre to me, thinking about it. Peace officer: "Y'all been smoking some of that jazz tobacco? Think I smell something funny grass around here." Dirty hippie: "Yes sir, I have a quarter of kind right here, would you like to have some?" Officer: "No, thank you son, I do that when I'm off duty. Go on about your business......And here's a ticket for jaywalking, and get a haircut."

    Weird, man. ETA I swear that sounded like a question in my head, but for completeness: "People think that's pretty weird, right?"

  37. #687
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    (a) how do you get blood out of clothes you don't want to risk using "color-"safe"" OxyClean on?

    (b) why doesn't someone knife to death
    (i) David Wang, "author" of such trash as "6 Harsh Truths* from cracked-ass.com. What a piece of garbage, by a vile scum of a human being.
    (ii) Ignatiy Vishnevetsky, the piece of human garbage who took a shit on Criterion's *Deux hommes dans Manhattan*. Somebody like that belongs in a trash can, so I can spit on it on my commute

  38. #688
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    Here's one I've always kind of wondered about, but got reintroduced to last night at a friends-n-family thing at my sister's last night.

    I guess I know the basic reasons -- it's some stupid shit they saw in a movie -- but why do women I barely know, or who may be distantly related to, seem to think an obligatory fake-hug is an appropriate gesture, rather than a despicable, irony-fuelled mockery of the bonds of good society?

    So, yes, I hug people all the time, men and women, and am in general in favor of full-contact casual conversation -- the slap on the shoulder, or whatever.

    What kind of fucking asshole thinks giving me a shit hug is appropriate? Fucking do it right, or I'll cut your asshole open, and let your children run free, bitch, in the fucking toilet.

    I would ask about small-talk, and how people suck at it, but I know the answer to why people suck at it -- they're not cool, and not interesting, and wildly inept at judging what makes for appropriate light banter. Nothing to say about it, except that maybe there should be some segregation, and they can all go in a corner and interview each other.

  39. #689
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    Is it a good idea, should one find oneself in a public library to kill some time and surf internet, to openly mock someone who sits at a public table across from you with some kind of student/tutee, and so forth?

    I'd never make fun of the tutee -- it's clearly some kind of teacher/student relationship, and she is an obese minority woman, but the blond twenty-something tutor/teacher/whatever is hilarious to make fun of.

    Just to be clear, we're not talking internet "make fun of" -- we're talking about someone sitting four feet away from you. And by "make fun of," I mean the usual. Eye-rolling, while inserting earplugs, and so forth. ETA and when the woman says something inappropriate, under her mask of tutelage, dealing with it.

  40. #690
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    *********************************************
    *********************************************
    ****ENOUGH NONSENSE I HAVE A GOOD ONE******
    *********************************************
    *********************************************

    So, I get this voicemail message (crummy audio, but it's about the best I can do) Sunday at about 1:30 in the afternoon. Apparently I met some woman (?) named "Diane" and gave her my phone number, and now she's calling me back.

    First of all, let's get a few things cleared up: nobody leaves voicemail, so that's bizarre. Also, "Diane" is a David Lynch name -- but OK maybe somebody is named Diane.

    And I have no memory of this, AND I can account for every second except one day over the past three weeks or so.

    Friday 26th Feb: 15 beers. Stayed at home.
    Saturday 27th Feb - Sunday 28 Feb: 17 shots of whiskey, at home.
    Sunday 21 Feb - Monday 22nd Feb: 34 glasses of wine, at home.
    Monday 15 Feb: 17 shots of whiskey, at home.

    Leaving only ONE Wednesday when I was out and about, running some errands under the influence, probably sometime within the past week or so.

    I guess I'll text her back like so: "Thanks for the message, Diane. I'd be happy to talk with you. Can you please remind me what this is regarding/Could you remind me where we met?" (second option ETA better, but it doesn't matter).

    I don't know how to word this. She could be (a) a bill collector (b) someone I insulted, no doubt for something irritating like being in my way, being loud, having a bratty kid, or being a piece of shit dog owner (c) a tasty bitch I chatted up (d) a fat broad who I chatted up because she was reading something I liked or had a cool T-shirt on or something.

    So, yeah.

    ***********************
    ***********************
    What should I do?
    ***********************
    ***********************
    What the hell did I do?
    ***********************
    ***********************

    Phew. Feels much better to get that off my chest.

  41. #691
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    Oh, for those many who are reading and formulating careful, clever, and helpful replies, but don't want to bother hearing the message, "Diane" says, IIRC, "Hi, this is Diane, I'm calling for John [in a business-like bill-collector way]. We met the other day and you left me your phone number. Anyways, if, you are John, call me back. Ummm. Thanks! Bye. [tone softening considerably by the end]."

    I didn't list my dietary habits especially for fun, but to show that it can't have possibly been within the past week or ten days that we "met," so unusual time frame for this "call" from this person. In fact, my mother's been in the hospital the past two weekends, on separate occasions, so I'm well aware of where I was over the past two weekends.

    Who in the hell leaves a voicemail? That is really annoying.

    Whatever.

  42. #692
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    OK, well, this doesn't answer my question, but I just now texted:

    "Hi Diane. Got your message. Just chilling out on Facebook. Feel free to chat over there or whatever."

    So, it must have been the Les McCann in my ear that made me decide to just pull the trigger and get this done with. Probably a bill collector or a fatty.

  43. #693
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Keep us advised, but my money's on bill collector or a scammer trying to get your credit card info on the pretext of being a prostitute.

  44. #694
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    No, she texted back just now and said "What's the addy??" To which I said "Oh my last name is [look it up] -- TBH I don't remember where we met but I didn't want to come right out and say so, in case you were a bill collector "

    My cousin on Facebook thinks my initial text reply was a little cold, saying "whatever" and not including a smiley, but whatever.

  45. #695
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    ************************************************** **
    ***************SIMPLE QUESTION**********************
    ************************************************** **

    So I made a special trip to this grocery store in my larger neighborhood. It's in the suburbs, but it's like the Mexican suburbs, so you know it's good. Corn flour was on my list, because, being king of all bachelors, and also king of all baking, I've decided to merge the two categories and go with the laziest possible way of baking bread. Put some corn meal, some flour, and stuff, in a bowl, and then put it in the oven and have corn bread.

    BTW King of all Bachelors, about bread, means: put flour and yeast and stuff in a bowl, let it sit for a while, then apply fire -- because who gives a shit about forming loaves and shit.

    King of all Bread? You can do the same thing but add corn meal, and it comes out of the oven resembling something most square people would probably eat, if they were drunk or starving.

    So, I had yeast or baking powder on my list (sadly, I've had to admit that my yeast supply of both bricks of SAF and Red Star [I think they're the same company, but whatever] are just not worth even pretending to use anymore. And my hoarded little packets of rich-people yeast [because only assholes buy the yeast in those packets -- I'm not Thurston fucking Howell] seem to have not only a best-by-date of 2012, the date seems accurate. [And my baking powder is basically a slightly moist cake I'd give to a confederate soldier -- who cares, because baking powder is just for show, and to impart a metallic, nasty taste to biscuits] suck, and I just used them.)

    What do I find, noting prices per ounce between the flour aisle and the........I don't remember which aisle....it wasn't the "Mexican Aisle" or the "Goya Aisle," because this isn't that kind of place. There's some shit called "instant corn flour," that was about the same price as corn flour, except, from the looks of it, I don't need to buy leavener OR more white flour to cut it with.

    So, like, does this stuff work? And, if so (and I have no reason to think it won't -- it's presumably wholesome ground grains in a bag -- so at least something wholesome will come of it), why isn't this more popular? Sounds like that old-school "Jiffy" boxes of whatever, except this comes in a manly bag made of brawn and know-how.

  46. #696
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    No, she texted back just now and said "What's the addy??" To which I said "Oh my last name is [look it up] -- TBH I don't remember where we met but I didn't want to come right out and say so, in case you were a bill collector "

    My cousin on Facebook thinks my initial text reply was a little cold, saying "whatever" and not including a smiley, but whatever.
    Update: after some prodding on FB from my very attractive, newly-divorced female cousin, I came up with this :

    "After talking it over with my lady cousin @ Facebook, I'm supposed to shower precious gems with adoration. I also said I probably have thirty-percent frontal-lobe damage, so that explains why I don't know who you are and also I just had twelve beers right now. [new paragraph]But the good news is I can almost play an English Suite and even though being French-Irish I don't care for the pommies."

    Granted, I'd forgotten about this random lady calling me, but, hey, she called me, so if I have a half-rack of beer and am bored, damned right I got some awesome stuff!

    Question: pretty cool, right? Yep! BTW, I'm not joking -- real text, send to an unknown person warm for my form five minutes ago.

  47. #697
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Made the mistake of giving my phone to read my hilarious text to a RL person, who cock-assedly hit "OK" a second time, which is stupid.

    So, I had to send a follow up text:

    "Eh ignore 2x send -- this jackass weed smoker fucking hit 'send' when I was trying to make him laugh by giving my phone to read my text.

    Note to self: don't let squares touch your phone.

    Also, who are you, anyway?"

    Question? This jackass moron deliberately hit 'send' a second time, right? Just to make me look ridiculous. And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous.

  48. #698
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Update: here's the transcription of what she replied to my last text, reprinted above, a few hours later:

    --"< 3" [without the space -- old school emoticon]
    "Yep."

    "I'm still mighty curious when we met. I'm convinced ur not a bill collector, so that's all good. Some great musician I am, home on Saturday listening to the Pointer Sisters and drinking coffee.
    I'm convinced this is like a David Lynch mystery. You must be either cute or have been reading something I approved of. Or both.
    Pretty sure nobody my age is named Diane, though. Is that for real?"

    me send 24 hours later: "I know texts from me are probably getting to be like Russian Roulette -- if you want to just let it go, no hard feelings. Anyway if my last text hurt your feelings, sorry about that -- fine line between a little light-hearted joking around and me being a dick. What can I say, just in love with the sound of my own voice!"

    --"No problem! What do you mean let it go? I would not like to let anything go, though. I thought your joke was funny, didn't hurt my feelings. stayed on the right side of the line."
    her a few seconds later: "I'm sorry, but what color hair do you have?"

    "I don't know. Dark blonde? Sounds about right."
    --"Could you send a photo?"
    --"I'll be the judge"
    "sure. give me a sec."
    [me send http://imgur.com/yAcBtEd selfie taken that second]
    --"Looks a little bit darker than dark blonde?"
    "i've been studying nonstop for a week -- i make a point of hygiene, but sometimes I just gotta prioritize. also bad light and bad photographer!"

    "No dic pics though!"
    --"Phew!!!"
    --"It's ok! What are you studying?"
    "Artificial intelligence. I'm moonlighting after not getting my PhD dissertation in Comparative Literature a while ago. What do you look like? Maybe it will jog my memory!"

    --"Ah that's exciting. Sadly, I regret to inform you that I actually do not recall meeting a Mr. [insert last name -- look it up]. I have enjoyed our little conversations, but I believe we must part ways here. You sound like a great dude and hope your life is great and your studies of Artificial Intelligence prove to be successful!!!!"

    "Keep on keeping on!"

    --"Same to you!!!!!!"

    That is some passive-aggressive bullshit. That's a not-unhandsome picture of me, and I'm even doing my best to smile. OK, lady, you got me. "Oh, zing! I don't remember you at all! j/k"

    She's probably jewish, anyway.

    Renard et les raisins.

  49. #699
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    I think she must be oriental of some kind, though -- it just dawned on me that names like "Diane" and so forth are not unheard of among East Asians recent immigrants.

    She didn't sound Japanese on the phone message, though. If she was Chinese or Korean that could have been OK, I guess.

    Also she either thinks I'm some loser going to school in his thirties, or maybe she met me like a year ago when I was 30 pounds heavier, or maybe she's a chub and didn't want to send a selfie, or maybe she's just a c-word who wanted to throw back the "who are you, anyway?" back at me.

    Anyway, I've never been accused of giving a woman more than she can handle
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 14 Mar 2016 at 03:06 PM.

  50. #700
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    Why, in my totally boring government office building, is there a guy in the men's room with a spider web tattooed on his totally bald head?

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