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Thread: Questions you need the answer to.

  1. #751
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    That bothers me that I should have spelled "nil," and not "nill," which, AFAIK is not actually a word.

    Never mind.

    In my old age I'm getting less adept at spelling words in various languages, but I prefer them to be spelled correctly.

    You know how it is. Just the pon farr -- or the opposite, I don't remember. One of those.

    ETA Actually, "nlll" is a word, going by phonemic identification. Never mind, I just like stuff to spelled correctly and shit, so, as much as I try to deny it, I might actually be a kind of nerd. I still hate nerds, though. Just on general principle.

    That concludes my edit. Peace out.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 12 Mar 2018 at 07:18 AM.

  2. #752
    Member Elendil's Heir's avatar
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    nm

  3. #753
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    ...she's obviously derelict by several days, therefore my civil liability is nill, and yours is none.
    Well, that's a relief!

  4. #754
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Just for fun, some names redacted:

    Dear Sirs:

    I am grateful for your response, however, I feel that I have been
    informed sufficiently during my very satisfactory training,

    I merely wished to confirm in written form that I will be punished,
    according to Amazon.com, for assisting my father during his final
    moments at the ICU at St. Vincent Hospital, in Portland, OR.

    And, to confirm that, apparently, your superiors do not require
    documentation, which is the second reason of my insisting on
    communication with your superiors.

    Please correct this error, immediately, and I shall continue as was
    instructed during training, "open door" ...just fix it. Please.
    Dealing with Amazon's defective DPD-1 management is not an effective
    way to prepare for my shift at Tues, 13-Mar-2018 0500.
    Whatever.

  5. #755
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Elendil's Heir View post
    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    ...she's obviously derelict by several days, therefore my civil liability is nill, and yours is none.
    Well, that's a relief!
    Fuck you!

    Yes. that's a joke -- I don't know, first laugh of the day.

    OK, don't FAQ, whatever, I thought it was funny.

  6. #756
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    Just for fun, some names redacted:

    Dear Sirs:

    I am grateful for your response, however, I feel that I have been
    informed sufficiently during my very satisfactory training,

    I merely wished to confirm in written form that I will be punished,
    according to Amazon.com, for assisting my father during his final
    moments at the ICU at St. Vincent Hospital, in Portland, OR.

    And, to confirm that, apparently, your superiors do not require
    documentation, which is the second reason of my insisting on
    communication with your superiors.

    Please correct this error, immediately, and I shall continue as was
    instructed during training, "open door" ...just fix it. Please.
    Dealing with Amazon's defective DPD-1 management is not an effective
    way to prepare for my shift at Tues, 13-Mar-2018 0500.
    Whatever.
    Oh, and, no, while I posted that for the purposes of amusing people, that's the entire e-mail I sent to some buttfucker @ amazon HR.

    Well, at least I'm right, and they're wrong.

    I guess that counts for...not much, but, huh, at least I'm right.

  7. #757
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday View post
    Why, in my totally boring government office building, is there a guy in the men's room with a spider web tattooed on his totally bald head?
    Oh, I actually know the answer to this one: people are fucking morons.

    Let's just close the ticket on that, because, well, I'm right.

  8. #758
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    Why are the kids on the Trix commercial so cruel and why doesn't the rabbit ever get his zarking trix?

  9. #759
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Hey, here's a stupid question: a good friend of mine from another board, named "Froody Blue Gem" is having trouble posting new content.

    Starting this PM UTC-7. she and I shared a few high-quality PMs, and I can vouch for her that she's a low-bullshit, high-content poster, and I think she'd be an asset to our small group here.

    Any assistance or expedition would be appreciated.

    Cheers!

    Jzz

  10. #760
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    Thank you so much J! ^^ You didn't have to do that but I am very grateful.

  11. #761
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    Quote Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday View post
    Why, in my totally boring government office building, is there a guy in the men's room with a spider web tattooed on his totally bald head?
    Oh, I actually know the answer to this one: people are fucking morons.

    Let's just close the ticket on that, because, well, I'm right.
    Preaching to the choir on both counts, amigo.

  12. #762
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Aw, c'mon, people with defective cranial tattoos.

    Where would Anglo-Pollack and American literature be without those dear fellows?

  13. #763
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Here's one, I think some of you may have a spastic knee and say, "no way!" but I am really wondering if I can keep up this warehouse job for Amazon.

    It is little exactly like picking up extremely heavy bits of cotton.

    I am a cotton picker.

    The one reason I want to hold on is to have access to Amazon's internal job postings, you know, so I don't forget that I actually know a good bit of network engineering, am a competent hacker in a few programming languages, and am actually more a fan of wearing adult clothes than jeans and shirts that end up soaked with sweat by the end of the shift.

    However, today was my first real day off -- I permitted myself to stay awake until 2100 or so, but man, I did not want to get up.

    Just all this crap in my head, the million people I've met in a few weeks -- a lot of my copickers are cool as shit. The older ones. Some of the under 30s are are funny, but I'm a little prejudiced against smartass kids talking loud about bullshit.

    Shit, yeah, I can keep at it, and I should, I just wonder at what point I'm going to decide the damages to future real career vs. actual decent money+getting strong is a great enough ratio to force a decision.

    ///////////////////

    So, what is my question? (i) Can I keep it up, given my quiet, introverted nature, without having some kind of psychotic break or weird journey into an alternate self? (ii) should i keep doing it anyway, and dare them to fire me despite my extraordinary demeanor, non-shirking, hard work, and help to co-pickers?
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 18 Mar 2018 at 10:06 AM.

  14. #764
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Here's a better question: what exactly is the problem, if asked for a signature by a civilian, to (i) ask "Got a pen?" (ii) grab it with your fist and make an "x" mark at the indicated space.

    I think that's gonna be my new thing.

    I'll leave out the part where I suggest the assailant find the zip-ties and duck tape in my trunk and get in.

    Because I'm pretty sure that last bit is not that good.

  15. #765
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    I certainly expect Amazon management would discourage it.

  16. #766
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Elendil's Heir View post
    I certainly expect Amazon management would discourage it.
    LOL. I wouldn't be surprised. I was just thinking more like, I don't know, some random civilian like a cop or a librarian.

    That is, to my possibly wrong understanding, a legal signature. You know, "one's mark."

    Of course I'm just fantasizing, but now I'm thinking I might be right. Of course, a private business, like a bank or whatever, can refuse for whatever reason, but I like the idea of just doing as little as possible to aid a civilian antagonist.

  17. #767
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Oh, I got a new one -- why do I HATE dong laundry so much? I mean, you get a fresh of clothes, but IFXl, ergh, it takes fucking forever and I just hate it. Never mind. I just hate it. Meh, I'm glad to have fresh clothes, but I fucking hate the task. Shit, I should probaably a house slave or a wives, then they could play music and do my laundry.

    Meeh. Forget I said that. Just grumpy.

    You know what. I fucking hate cigaretres, but I feel inspired to go buy a pack. Why?

    I don't know. Seems like something to do.

  18. #768
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Oh here's a question. So since I'm enjoined to commute by car these days, I never figured out how to manage my pipes + the ashtray in my Camry. Apparently the Japanese engineers weren't real big pipe smokers, so this ashtray is designed for the ladies.

    Not real big, more for cigaretttes i guesss.

    I fully expect to be pulled over, especiallly in this hippie town, for having a briar pipe stuck in my mouth constantly. However, I take Groucho's advice seriously, and take it out a lot. Also Henry Miller.

    What am I going to do about this? A cop rolls lights on me for some unknown reason, sees one of my ramikins from my kitchen with a briar pipe stuck in it, and he has cause to open the trunk and find the many bodies? I can't have that!

    I joke, but it's a problem.

  19. #769
    Member Elendil's Heir's avatar
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    Well, first, I hope you'll quit smoking, because we want you around here for many years to come, Jizz! That said, I've seen some people with small, beanbag-style ashtrays - the trays have sand in their soft bases so that they'll mold to the top of curved car seats, for instance, to avoid spilling ashes.

  20. #770
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Elendil's Heir View post
    Well, first, I hope you'll quit smoking, because we want you around here for many years to come, Jizz! That said, I've seen some people with small, beanbag-style ashtrays - the trays have sand in their soft bases so that they'll mold to the top of curved car seats, for instance, to avoid spilling ashes.
    Well, thanks -- not sarcastically, I appreciate the sentiment. I do smoke my pipe pretty much too much, but it's a kind of a less bad than cigarettes, and I enjoy (not the right word) swapping tobacco for loose-leaf black tea a few times a week. It kind of cements in my mind how much is just a stupid habit it is. It's weird, but it's a project for me that I enjoy, trying to trick my brain into cultivating better habits.

    Yeah, I think I know those kind of ashtrays, like I think they were fashionable-ish in the 1970s and maybe later. Maybe before. Anyway, that's too much effort -- talk about a ridiculous shopping outing, going to look for a stupid ashtray.

    Actually, that would be perfect. No, that's too ridiculous to go out shopping for an ashtray. Anyway, I have no idea where to buy something like that.

    Well, I do have $50 credit at Walmart earned by using Bing. No, that's still ridiculous. Think of all the lighter fuel and turbo wine yeast I could buy instead! Maybe even a pair of pants!

  21. #771
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    HEY!!!!

    Here's a simple question.

    So, yadda, I know the standard HR rap, including at my current company.

    Apparently you're not supposed to compliment people...I don't know, about their physical stuff?

    I mean but what the hell? All I want to do if I ever just hang in the break room or get a drink at the same water fountain, is say "you have a really cool hairstyle -- where'd you get that idea?"

    That's exactly what I'd say to a regular person -- hell, maybe even some dude -- it's not really a sexual come-on, it's just first thing I notice, and I'm curious.

    Very frustrating that apparently that kind of talk is categorized the same as "nice jugs, sugartits," or "looking good, mama!"

    So now the whole language is pushed back, encouraging people to be little weasels like "Hello! Nice to see you! My name is Jizz. What's yours?"

    Which is bullshit, and offensive in its transparent, gauche attempt to sneak up close to some prey.

    Pure bullshit.

    I like to say what I mean, and I'm not trying to sneak into her front crack, like a weasel, wormy little greaseball, just say what comes to mind that isn't offensive, and maybe make her happy with a kind word.

  22. #772
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Here's update to my stupid pipe/car problem.

    I don't feel like fucking around with a camera, but I often dump my pipe tobacco on my desk into a metal (stainless steel? I don't know, some kind of metal that's somewhat shiny, in a brushed way) can, probably 1.5 quart. One of those that people put grains or other shit in for cooking -- I never use them in the kitchen, in fact, I don't know why I have those, but I'm old and I have a bunch of shit I have no idea where or why I have them.

    So, I just drop my pipe in it, nestled right on top, and as a bonus it helps carry my coffee little mug the fifty feet to the car from my front door,

    And, yeah, it can just on the passenger-side seat.

    I'll probably start a fire in the car one of these days, but I'm somewhat careful about not throwing loose flame around. A lot safer, in my estimation than fucking cigarettes.

    Meh, close enough. Works OK, and I didn't have to go shopping for gramma's old-style beanbag ashtray, although if I saw one at a thrill shop, I might (MIGHT) drop some coin on one.

    Nope. My solution is adequate.
    //////////////

    Oh this isn't a question, just an observation. I stopped by this tavern near my route back home today. Huh. Yeah, I pretty much cross chick bartenders off my "list of conquest" -- she was nice, but they're obviously pretty guarded, probably because of their clientele. Those some hard broads.

    Yeah they as a rule don't really do the whole feminine thing. Hard broads. But it's OK with me -- anyway, I don't flirt or hit on service girls. No percentage in it.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 23 Mar 2018 at 10:50 PM.

  23. #773
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    NEW QUESTION

    What exactly is this forum/site about, anyway?

    I've been "here" awhile and I never got around to figuring it out.

    Something about writing and .... I don't even know what the subforums are about except the handful of threads I do.

  24. #774
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    It started as an angry exit from the Straight Dope Message Board. After, like, one good month, it collapsed from horrible moderating. (Sorry, What Exit, but you were frank about it.) It attempted to reinvent itself, and since a bunch of the surviving mods were writers, there was some writing stuff. Various drama, various people walking away, and now there's ....whatever this is.

  25. #775
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Got it. Thanks.

    So it's the Seinfeld of boards -- the board about nothing.

    Well, it's a good one, anyway; I did know of some of the SDMB splintering.

    I'll just stick to the handful of threads I'm "subscribed" to, like a good little introvert, and say thumbs to the rest, may god have mercy on your souls.

  26. #776
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    TRUE or FALSE:

    A decent way to ask out a coworker is to say, "Hey, I've been noticing you don't seem that retarded. How about I buy you a drink after you get off your shift?"

    Honestly, that's my smoothest line, but..it's honest and its not that nerdy.

  27. #777
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    Unless they have an actual retarded person in their family or as a close friend.

  28. #778
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Well, then they would say so, and I can relate some of my own experiences with the mentally disabled.

    And in sharing, we'll work through the pain together, and grow closer.

    All right, smart guy, substitute "stupid" for "retarded" (which latter is not any longer a medical term, AFAIK, much like "moron" and "imbecile" and "mongoloid."

  29. #779
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    I have a college friend who likes to say "stupid with two 'o's."

  30. #780
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    That's not possible, but an incorrect observation is never unwelcome.

    QUESTION is Ibuprofen hepatotoxic?

    And if it may last for more than four hours, should I ask my doctor

  31. #781
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    Lingoquestion

    Am I the only one who just now realized that the phrase "people are fucking morons" has multiple senses?

    I like it.

  32. #782
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Jizzelbin View post
    That's not possible, but an incorrect observation is never unwelcome.

    QUESTION is Ibuprofen hepatotoxic?

    And if it may last for more than four hours, should I ask my doctor
    Liver safe, kidneys not safe but better for the stomach then aspirin.
    I don't understand the 4 hours part of the post though.

  33. #783
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    Quote Originally posted by What Exit? View post
    Liver safe, kidneys not safe but better for the stomach then aspirin.
    I don't understand the 4 hours part of the post though.
    There was a wise king from ancient days, called Priapism.

    Ask your doctor if Cialis is right for you, or your pet dog.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 01 Apr 2018 at 08:49 AM.

  34. #784
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    My dog tells me it's never right for him.

  35. #785
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Is it better to tell a defective violator:

    (a) I hope you die.

    (b) You should kill yourself.

    Very important question. Difficult, since they're equally fine, but I wonder which option has the most chance for embellishment in improvisation.

  36. #786
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Why does a Tarantino joint have to have Samuel L. Jackson say the word "motherfucker" so much?

    It's hurtful to all the motherfuckers out there!

  37. #787
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    The American Society for the Advancement of Motherfuckers has, I know, protested this loudly but no avail.

  38. #788
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    In an 8 game schedule, how many different ways can a team play its 4 home and road games?

  39. #789
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Wait, this is a good one with an answer: let's see. Two possibilities for four choices, so 16 choices. We have two sets of four, so another 16 ways.

    I think there's a name for this in probability theory, but I think that's 16*16, so (2^4)*(2*4) = (2^8) = 256.

    or (2^4)(2^4)--(2^16) = 65536.

    One of those is right. I think it's the first one, but I'm just grabbing an after-work beer and can barely spell my own name without drooling.

    MUST ONE BE NUMERATE???? THAT IS THE QUESTION

  40. #790
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    Jizzel: I seriously doubt it’s 65k. . Keep the in mind: you only need 4 home games (and obviously 4 road games)

  41. #791
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Erictelevision View post
    Jizzel: I seriously doubt it’s 65k. . Keep the in mind: you only need 4 home games (and obviously 4 road games)
    Fine! I doubted that one too, as in discarded it, but the first one, 256, could be right.

    Now that I'm at home, I can think more....drunkenly.

    Well, since you know the parameters why are you asking?

    The reasoning is roughly as I stated, I just have to think if there are edge cases that need discarding.

    ETA this is a good one, and it's something I should be able to figure out in a second in my head....it's just not coming to me.

    I think about petite brunettes being rolled to me on bread carts across a warehouse floor, slowly, and sequentially, and I have no numeracy.

    Very upsetting.

    Well, this one has an answer, I'm just bothered why it's not coming immediately to mind.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 07 Apr 2018 at 01:28 PM.

  42. #792
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    I'm asking because I can't determine the equation that would lead to the answer. Algebra is 15+ years in the rear window. BTW: 256 seems like a logical answer.

  43. #793
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    OK, forgive me for doing in real time -- I really should know the answer, but I have to start from the beginning.

    OK, so, of the first game, for eight possible games, there's 256 possibilities.

    Then for the second game, we can say that in a just world there's 128 possible answers.

    And the third...64...and so forth down to one (==2^0)

    So we're indexed at zero, so this needs changing. 128, 64, 32, 16, 8, 4, 2, 1

    Now what to do? This is a problem because it's not a monotonic function -- the odds can change.

    First game: chances/possibilities? 2^7=128.

    Second game:


    ............


    Here's where I'm getting confused in my own head. This is a good problem, and I just can't remember how to work it out.

    ////////////

    I will figure it out, but just in case there are any actual smart people, I'll give this a rock and roll fist smash for good measure.

    ETA the answer is applying the factorial function and dividing out the odd cases, I just don't remember how to figure it out from the ground up. BUT, that's still the answer. Since we're in between probability and combinatorics, because of the varying number of choices. But, even though this should be a walk in the park, it's frustrating to me to not be able to construct it and solve it immediately.

    ahem maybe if an ahem administrator would let my friend's pending posts through, I might get up and walk the three feet to a bookshelf of one of Schaum's guides on discrete math....ahem
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 07 Apr 2018 at 02:31 PM.

  44. #794
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    Thanks for giving it a go!

  45. #795
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    OK since I'm still home and even genuinely drunkenly-getting (WHITE WINE!!!! yeah, a man's drink).


    OK, the way to do this is:

    (i) number of outcomes of first game (==2^7=128)
    (ii) number of outcomes of second game MINUS/DIVIDE the number of faulty outcomes
    (iii)
    we can repeat until we get to the number 1 (==8-9+1, which is our zero-index, i.e., one)

    NEW QUESTION WHY IS THIS SUCH A PUZZLER? IT'S FRUSTRATING -- THE METHOD IS CLEAR BUT THE ABSTRACTION IS DIFFICULT FOR ME, TO GENERALIZE.

    NEW QUESTION since the last is hard and stuff

    Has anyone else ever shouted across the floor of a VERY noisy warehouse, "Shut the fuck up or I'm going to fuck you in the ass, bitch" in a language other than English.

    Or similar.

    If not, I'd recommend it -- it's very cathartic, and nobody can hear you anyway.

    (Oh, something like "Arretes-toi de ce putain d'horreur, je t'encule, putasse de petit con merde de connerrie" -- I'm not good with spelling and French is not very good for cursing, just string some vile words together and pronounce it good, is all I know). Kicking something and saying "putain d'un chien, ta mère suçera m'pene enfin, toi, petit pute de me faire chier, connasse pute." is extra credit.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 07 Apr 2018 at 04:55 PM.

  46. #796
    Member Elendil's Heir's avatar
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    I was told there would be no math....

  47. #797
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    Quote Originally posted by Elendil's Heir View post
    I was told there would be no math....
    Well, then you were told wrong!

    I'm still frustrated -- the method of factorial "law of multiplication" in probability/combinatorics and dividing out the dupes is right, I'd just have to look up a similar problem or think harder.

    HOWEVER: WTF is the deal with people not dimming their brights in early morning/late night?

    And don't even tell me about that halogen light bullshit.

    Truly, once the brights hit you, it doesn't really make a difference, but still, that's just common courtesy.

    Tentative conclusion: these people were born in a bar, or are drunk or some shit. Or, just plain assholes.

    Fucking assholes.

    Trust me, if I can do the common courtesy, then anybody can.

    Maybe I can tag one of their side-view mirrors with my car and use my extensive knowledge of the backroads to evade scrutiny.

    Fuckers.

    ETA Oh. There's a reason I have a collapsible baton I carry with me 24/7. Just lean out the window and use it like a Lousiville slugger. And then, I don't now, I can hide it somewhere easily.

    Anyone who's such a cunt to be a dick piece of crap is obviously not going to grab my plates, and my car is just a nondescript Camry.

    Well, no, that's way too much effort, but I'm still right.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 13 Apr 2018 at 02:41 PM.

  48. #798
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    QUESTION

    Solved, but solicit opinions.

    The next person who commits a traffic violation by inappropriately honking behind me while I'm clearing the intersection, or god forbid, obeying the law by allowing the pedestrians right of way should be treated in the following way:

    (i) Put my vehicle in park, and the emergency brake

    (ii) exit my vehicle and approach the violator

    (iii) grab a picture from two feet of their driver's side window of the violator

    (iv) return to my vehicle and resume correct operation of my heavy machinery

    YEAH, that wouldn't be for everybody, but at 6'3", 210 pounds, I'm not exactly afraid of some defective violator.

    ETA Yes, in my state noise violations caused by heavy machinery is about a $270 fine for "no contest." And, citizens, like other civilians, are allowed to issue a violation, by going to city hall and filing the same paperwork other civilians do. It's not an optional "discretionary" right -- once the violator has been identified, there is no option but that the violator will be spending his or her day in court, or pleading nolo. It's not subject to discretion at any point -- I provide, like civilians like peace officers, testimony, and it's improbable that the violator would be able to mount a successful defense.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 13 Apr 2018 at 03:04 PM.

  49. #799
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    I should have edited -- they will receive a summons and a court date. That's not optional, once the paperwork for the violation is complete and the violator has been identified from a selection of DMV photographs.

    I'm not sure, but they may be able to plead no contest and pay the fine by mail, but they will receive a summons. And if they ignore it: bench warrant.

    HOWEVER, it's uncertain if stopping operation of my vehicle in a safe area itself is a violation. HOWEVER, operating a mobile device while driving is a serious offense -- even though it's not considered equally offensive as drunk driving, things are coming around, so eventually that might be fixed, such that the two offenses are treated EXACTLY as equivalent, since they are.

    It is a problem, since pulling over to a safe, legal side of the road is useless, since the perp will have escaped, and, as I said, not exiting the car to photograph the perp is itself a grave violation.

    But the noise violation aspect caused by wanton abuse of the horn is a serious offense -- I don't remember the maximum fine, but it's more than two-hundred and change. IIRC it's almost like five bills.
    Last edited by Jizzelbin; 14 Apr 2018 at 05:53 AM.

  50. #800
    Oliphaunt Jizzelbin's avatar
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    right answer @ work:

    where you want:

    (i) HIT ME!

    (ii) GIVE IT TO ME!!!!

    (iii) PAPA DON'T TAKE NO MESS -- GIVE IT ME BABY!!!!

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