My pretend Twitter thread. (Mostly to keep my post count ahead of Sarahfeena's)

**Oliveloaf** · 21 Apr 2011 04:06 PM

You know what's sad? Children involved in horrible arc-welding accidents.

**Oliveloaf** · 21 Apr 2011 04:16 PM

Jesus loved marshmallow eggs, and ham.

**Oliveloaf** · 21 Apr 2011 04:18 PM

Do you think anyone ever called Boutros Boutros Ghali, by mistake, Ghali Ghali Boutros? I bet it completely happened.

**Oliveloaf** · 21 Apr 2011 05:52 PM

Each belch tastes like a different course from lunch. Lunch was pretty good, so this could be worse.

**Oliveloaf** · 21 Apr 2011 06:01 PM

Pretty sure memo about naked day tomorrow at work is fake.

**What Exit?** · 21 Apr 2011 09:10 PM

Originally posted by Oliveloaf

Pretty sure memo about naked day tomorrow at work is fake.

No that is real, don't miss out.

**Oliveloaf** · 22 Apr 2011 01:29 PM

Dear Mr. Daehtihs, your name spelled backward is funny.

**Oliveloaf** · 22 Apr 2011 02:43 PM

My chair and I have become one. Roll me home, Smithers.

**Oliveloaf** · 22 Apr 2011 02:56 PM

There's a song about lonely teardrops, and several tunes about sweat. Why no love for bile?

**Oliveloaf** · 23 Apr 2011 12:20 PM

I wish I was Lady Gaga. well, no, I wish you were Lady Gaga.

**Oliveloaf** · 25 Apr 2011 01:21 PM

Even if I did have a clown suit, it's not like I'd lend it to you.

**Oliveloaf** · 26 Apr 2011 09:37 AM

I left my DNA all over that bathroom.

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 01:35 PM

If your real first name was Skeeter, how much would you pay to have it changed?

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 01:36 PM

If Michelle Bachmann was a hooker, she'd make a lot of money.

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 01:37 PM

I love sitting. It's the working part I can't latch on to.

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 01:38 PM

I kid you not, I thought cable news was about ropes and shit.

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 01:55 PM

There is nothing left to tweet about. Well, the absence of a topic is a topic, right?

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 01:58 PM

Girls' night out tonight!

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 01:59 PM

Instead of soothing the savage beast, can we save some money and just placate it?

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 02:02 PM

If there were two Iowas, would be have to cut Nebraska or Kansas?

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 02:03 PM

That's what she said! RT @techbob3256 I will reinsert the module link this evening.

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 02:16 PM

I completely tweeted about that chick's ass.

**Zuul** · 27 Apr 2011 02:56 PM

Listening to Australian radio stations is kind of weird. Particularly since I'm not in Australia.

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 03:09 PM

I am pretty sure I only use my right nostril.

**Oliveloaf** · 27 Apr 2011 04:35 PM

I so wish I hadn't just done that.

**Oliveloaf** · 28 Apr 2011 04:36 PM

As much as possible, I prefer to pee alone.

**Oliveloaf** · 29 Apr 2011 04:07 PM

Does anyone know where I can score some nude photos of Blythe Danner?

**Oliveloaf** · 29 Apr 2011 04:08 PM

Huckleberry Hound, what a yutz.

**Oliveloaf** · 04 May 2011 10:27 AM

Some names sound like food. Wouldn't you like some Audrey sauce on your enchilada?

**Oliveloaf** · 05 May 2011 09:29 AM

Oh, you said sadder. I heard Seder. I don't do Kosher.

**Oliveloaf** · 05 May 2011 09:30 AM

I'm pretty honked off about this royal wedding thing. Why didn't we see highlights of the royal bachelor party?

**Oliveloaf** · 07 May 2011 10:59 PM

My ass. Oh my God, my ass. Jesus it hurts. It hurts so much.

**Oliveloaf** · 07 May 2011 11:00 PM

Re. my last Tweet. I feel a lot better now. #asspain

**Oliveloaf** · 08 May 2011 09:53 PM

You know who farts really loud? My mother.

**Oliveloaf** · 08 May 2011 10:15 PM

That Carlos Santana. What a stich.

**Oliveloaf** · 08 May 2011 10:15 PM

I definitely suck in more air through my left nostril.

**Oliveloaf** · 10 May 2011 02:20 PM

Krikey! Me bum's rashy!

**Oliveloaf** · 10 May 2011 02:36 PM

If we didn't know what it meant, we'd be cool with Swine as a first name. "Why little Swine Mae Pulaski, aren't you the cutest thing?!"

**Oliveloaf** · 16 May 2011 04:06 PM

I just saw Donald Trump at Walgreens.

**Oliveloaf** · 16 May 2011 04:35 PM

Cola is a stupid sounding word.

**Oliveloaf** · 19 May 2011 02:45 PM

It's after lunch, but my last belch still tasted like breakfast.

**Oliveloaf** · 19 May 2011 02:46 PM

There is a car called Kizashi. Kizashi sounds like something you sprinkle on steak fries.

**Hatshepsut** · 19 May 2011 11:17 PM

In post #16, I read the word "pens" as "penes."

**Oliveloaf** · 20 May 2011 09:37 AM

Ohio is a better name for a state than Wyoming.

**Oliveloaf** · 03 Jun 2011 12:09 PM

It's funny because his name is Weiner.

**Oliveloaf** · 03 Jun 2011 12:09 PM

I would completely date twins, but not at the same time. If I could alternate, I could use my material twice, saving me time thinking of ways to be funny.

**Oliveloaf** · 03 Jun 2011 12:10 PM

I know a guy named Oleg. Really.

**Oliveloaf** · 06 Jun 2011 05:00 PM

Boy, really got caught with my pants down today! Well, technically they were off, and not actually in the car when I got pulled over, but you know what I mean.

**Oliveloaf** · 06 Jun 2011 05:00 PM

Bad name for a Jello-O ripoff brand? Thick-O.

**Oliveloaf** · 08 Jun 2011 11:13 AM

One of the best things about being in bed is not being out of bed.

Thread: My pretend Twitter thread. (Mostly to keep my post count ahead of Sarahfeena's)

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