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Thread: How am I feeling today? Like shit.

  1. #1
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    Default How am I feeling today? Like shit.

    I am feeling extremely pissed off, angry, lonely, drained, uncertain, afraid, sad, and unsure.

    I am pissed off because last night my apartment mate had the audacity to interrupt my movie night. I had a friend over to watch a movie, and was looking forward to some friendly physical contact. Then this guy gets home, and since my guest is a mutual friend, sees it fit to come into my room and proceeds to hang out for the next hour and a half. Of course, he had been drinking and was sloshed enough to be even more oblivious than usual, but I don't get to see this friend very often due to her schedule and so now I am not only mad at my apartment mate but also upset and lonely at the prospect of another long time without physical and emotional support.

    I am currently coming up on graduation from undergrad, and that scares me more than anything else right now. As a result I am uncertain, much more irritable, and frequently find myself wasting time playing video games or reading books that have nothing to do with my studies for hours on end when I should be looking for a job or doing homework. The worst part of it is, my apartment mates hate me for my free time, and that hasn't helped the situation one bit. To top it off, I'm not even sure what I want to do after school. I have a couple of options, and there are jobs I'd like to try and apply for, but none of them have the kind of security or even length of employment that i would like to find. I'm considering taking a completely different path and becoming a computer programmer, but I don't have what I think are the necessary skills for that.

    I recently celebrated my birthday, and though I had many people wish me well it still fell flat to me. I received two gifts and two cards total. One card was from my grandparents and the other card and both gifts from my three "closest" friends. Only one gift was thoughtful; the other was a bottle of pop. I'm not complaining about the lacking gifts, more pointing to the ones that were expected but weren't there. From my mom I got a text saying happy birthday, and from my dad an afterthought happy birthday wish the next day. The two people who I feel have supported me most and who I feel most connected to couldn't even give me a fucking call on my birthday.

    I can't say I blame them though. Their marriage hasn't been going very well and I would be surprised if they even talk to each other more than they have to. I still have three siblings living at home, and one is special needs. I understand that they had tried therapy for a bit, but I don't think it worked. Things got better at home for a short while but then went downhill again. To top that off they've had financial issues for years, and the house is full of boxes and computers that my dad brings home from work. This makes me perpetually worried about my siblings and how they are faring, which distracts me greatly.

    I feel very lonely at school these days. A large number of my closest friends graduated last year, and are now off on their own working jobs and raising families. I don't feel like i have a close friend that I can talk to, and it's really starting to wear me down. The friends I do have are never available due to their classes during the day and rehearsals at night, and I end up eating many meals alone and wandering around until I start to do homework.

    I'm not enjoying much of what I do these days, and I feel trapped in a place that I'm afraid to leave. I want out, but there's nothing waiting for me out there. I don't know what to do, and I know that if I keep going like this, I'm going to do or say something stupid and lose even the friends I have.

    I just want a friend to talk to who can make it all go away.

  2. #2
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Well, happy birthday, at least.

    Sorry about the bumming.

    What will your degree be in?
    Last edited by Oliveloaf; 13 Feb 2011 at 03:21 PM.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  3. #3
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Macvin View post
    ...

    I just want a friend to talk to who can make it all go away.
    Sound like a rough patch, that's for sure. And while no one here at least can make it all go away, it can be a good place to distract you a bit. Welcome to Mellophant. Check out the dozen active game threads and the others.

    I have been a business programmer for years now, closing in on 20. It was not what I was going to college for though. It was somewhat easy to break into back then though, it is not too easy now unless you plan to go to some form of certificate school to give you a foot in the door. If you do pursue this, pull out the want ads and go online and see what most companies are looking for in programming languages that are also not requiring experience. I did this back in 1992 but that was in the dark ages when COBOL and RPG were the tickets to entry level.

    You mentioned rehearsals, at least one of our frequent posters is involved with drama and performance in college. Hopefully he drops by soon.

  4. #4
    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    Sorry for your troubles, Macvin. If we can cheer you up, we're happy to try!

  5. #5
    Happy New Year! Trojan Man's avatar
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    I was in a similarly bad situation while leaving school. Didn't know what to do etc. Ended up doing lots of interesting jobs, met interesting people... it's glum now, but won't always be.

    My birthday was recent too, and I got the same luke warm reception you did (Mello and online folk were the bulk of wellwishers). I bludgeoned my birthday woes with alcohol

    Anyway, good luck.

  6. #6
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Do what I did.

    Work with Sarahfeena for a few years doing a low-paying job that opened up a hundred doors for me.

    I have only one piece of advice for new grads. It's this: No matter how crummy the job you have is, you can learn something from it. Your challenge is to learn EVERYTHING about that job, that industry, that business. Then move on if you need to.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  7. #7
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Oh, do all your drinking now.

    Once you hit 35 it's really hard to work and drink the next day.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  8. #8
    Oliphaunt The Original An Gadaí's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf View post
    Oh, do all your drinking now.

    Once you hit 35 it's really hard to work and drink the next day.
    29

  9. #9
    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf View post
    Do what I did.

    Work with Sarahfeena for a few years doing a low-paying job that opened up a hundred doors for me.
    Ha. Well, I can't help much with that now, given my current employment status. BUT...

    I have only one piece of advice for new grads. It's this: No matter how crummy the job you have is, you can learn something from it. Your challenge is to learn EVERYTHING about that job, that industry, that business. Then move on if you need to.
    YES. As important as education is, by itself it doesn't get you the big bucks. In order to get an interesting, challenging, decently-paying job, you usually have to have a few boring, shitty, low-paying jobs. And the key is to learn stuff and work your way up...even if each move up is small. Experience is what really counts.

  10. #10
    Member Elendil's Heir's avatar
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    Sorry - I've had some crappy birthdays too. I hope you'll look forward to better times ahead, and do what you can to make them happen. Volunteering or doing charitable work is a great way to get out of the dumps - it gives you a healthy sense of perspective to see those who are less fortunate, and it just feels good to help others!

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