Were you hit/spanked while growing up?

[Hatshepsut]

The CNN story on the Mississippi basketball coach accused of whipping his students made me think about corporal punishment in general - not from a debate standpoint, but more from a personal experience standpoint.

Were you hit, spanked, whipped, or otherwise subjected to physical punishment while growing up? What sort of punishment did you get, and for what transgressions? Who did it, and how often did it happen? How did it make you feel at the time? How do you feel now?

In my case, I was slapped, spanked, caned, and otherwise hit on a regular basis for minor transgressions by my mother - one time when I didn't study for a multiplication test at age 8, my mother threw a hairbrush at me and made my head bleed; I vomited blood afterward (though I'm sure it was nerves, not a head injury, that caused the vomiting).

I also remember having bruise marks on my upper arms in the shape of her hands where she had grabbed and shaken me so hard.

Another time when she was caning me with a wooden walking stick, the cane hit the wall and a chip flew off of it (the cane; I don't remember how the wall fared). Peculiarly enough, she still has that walking stick 43 years later, the chip a silent testament to the fact I didn't imagine the whole thing. When she dies it will be a great pleasure for me to throw the damn stick away.

As horrific as the previous paragraphs probably seem (and it was NO PICNIC growing up with my mother, believe me) on a daily basis it wasn't quite the chapter out of an expose about child abuse that it probably sounds like. Mostly I just got spanked and slapped a bit sooner and a bit harder than any other kids whose parents believed in spanking (which a lot did in those days). I remember the stories above, and several more like them, because they were the worst of the lot.

It scared the crap out of me growing up like that, though, especially because the slightest thing could set my mother off, so I didn't know how to avoid being hit.

To this day I fear my mother, even though she can't hit me any more. Now that I have a child of my own, I truly do not understand corporal punishment. I'm not being "holier than thou" or taking smug satisfaction in "I'm BETTER than my dreadful mother!" - I truly couldn't imagine hitting a child, any more than I could kick a kitten.

What's your story, and your feelings?

[What Exit?]

I was spanked, had slippers of all things throw at me but never caned or the like. But spanking was still pretty common back then. The spankings were always instigated by my mom. She would go into a rant the minute my Father got home from work about how bad we were and then we would pay. The few times my father spanked any of us it was for immediate issues like by brother beat me up, or playing with matches in the house.

I am not against light spanking but we do not use it. I do think the way our parents went about slips far closer to child abuse than correction.

Hatshepsut, what you mother did does sound more extreme than the norm for the 60s. She makes my parents sound benevolent.

[Zuul]

My mother never hit me as a child. I'd get timeouts or--far, far worse--she'd ask me to explain myself. Good God. That woman had disappointment down to an art form.

My step-father was abusive, though. He never spanked anybody. There was never "you did this, so now you get this punishment" sort of thing. Just sometimes he'd fly off the handle. I remember distinctly once when I was around eight or so he told me to clean up my sister's mess in the living room. I said, no, I didn't make the mess. The next thing I knew he'd picked me up by my throat, carried me (by my throat) into my room and threw me in there to stay.

I don't think corporal punishment is an appropriate punishment for children. In any case where they are too small to be talked to and understand a more socially oriented punishment, they're too young to be punished. You just pick them up and stop them from doing what they're doing.

The only exception to this is when trying to circumvent immediate danger. For example, my eldest nephew has some severe behavior issues (bipolar disorder is one of his diagnoses) and at about the age of three he became obsessed with knives. Once he managed to climb up the counter at my mother's house and get a knife and went running through the house trying to stab people. Trying to wrestle it away from him might have hurt him or the other person, so I used a broomstick to smack him on the arm and make him drop the knife. It bothers me to this day. I can't personally fathom hitting a child as punishment instead of as the lesser of two evils to avoid injury.

[The Original An Gadaí]

I was hit maybe twice.

[Orual]

I vaguely remember being a spanked a couple of times when I was a small kid (under 6). It was always in the context of "if you do X again, you are going to get a spanking". Spanking was always a few swats on a clothed butt with an open hand. I seem to recall my mom moved to 'time-outs' with my little sister, since making her sit still was more of a punishment than a spanking.

I can't be sure if I'll have spanking as an option for my hypothetical future kids. Probably not.

Corporal punishment did not scar me for life - the yelling did that. I have irrational anxiety issues related to making people mad, because they might yell at me. (Which is a pretty silly thing for a grown woman to be anxious about.)

[Zuul]

Corporal punishment did not scar me for life - the yelling did that. I have irrational anxiety issues related to making people mad, because they might yell at me. (Which is a pretty silly thing for a grown woman to be anxious about.)

I can totally understand this. Of all the punishments I got as a child, my mother talking to me was the worst.

"Why did you fill an antique copper tea kettle with water, stick a handkerchief in it and put it on top of the wardrobe where it moldered?!"

To this day I have no idea why I did it, yet it haunts me. ;_;

[Orual]

I can totally understand this. Of all the punishments I got as a child, my mother talking to me was the worst.

"Why did you fill an antique copper tea kettle with water, stick a handkerchief in it and put it on top of the wardrobe where it moldered?!"

Oh, yes. And by the time something like that was discovered, I could never remember why I had done it in the first place.

"Why did you rip down half of the decorative retaining wall in the back yard? And DON'T say you don't know!"

"I ... err ... umm ... leprechauns? Maybe it was leprechauns."

[jali]

I was spanked twice in my life. The thought of the spanking was far worse than the actual event. My dad spanked me once and my mom once too.

[terrifel]

The ordained vehicle of discipline at our house was a paddle that my dad had carved out of a 1x4, roughly the size and shape of a cricket bat. The business end was decorated with a fiery sunburst and leering frowny face drawn in magic marker. The paddle even had a name: "Big Eric."

In retrospect, it probably would have been near-impossible for my father, who was crippled by polio, to actually inflict the sort of punishment that this fearsome instrument implied. I suppose that was the whole point, really. The threat of "Big Eric" was so manifestly terrifying that Dad didn't need to use it.

[Taumpy]

I don't remember my dad ever hitting me, although I remember him threatening on many occasions.

I got spanked by my mother a few times that I remember (though I know it was never anything even close to frequent). I don't think it was ever over anything I did, but what I said. Apparently I always had "a smart mouth".

I don't think it had any lingering effect on me as an adult. As a kid I remember feeling angry and more defiant in reaction. Don't get me wrong, it shut me up, but I never felt any remorse as a result. Like even then I knew being hit for saying something was bullshit. I guess that in itself is a valuable lesson, so, thanks Mom.

[Hatshepsut]

she'd ask me to explain myself. Good God. That woman had disappointment down to an art form.

Oh god, my mother did that too! She always asked "what made you do that?" "Why would you do such a thing?" "How could you hurt me that way?"

Even as a little kid I knew those were useless questions - I remember thinking "gosh, lady, if I could give you actual answers to questions like those, I'd probably be so smart I'd have avoided getting in trouble in the first place."

[Elendil's Heir]

I was very, very rarely spanked as a kid, and then only as a last resort. We've taken the same approach with our three boys (now ages 7-11-14), and I'd say it's been very successful. Sometimes, unfortunately, talking and time-outs are insufficient, and you have to inflict a little pain, which after all is deeply rooted in our brains as something to be avoided. The mere awareness that it might be inflicted can be a powerful deterrent. Our boys are very well-behaved, while I can think of several of their peers who are bratty as can be. Kids need clear guidelines, awareness of the consequences if violated, but also room to make decisions for themselves so that they can learn from their mistakes. I'm not a perfect parent but I'd say I've done all right.

[artifex]

I remember my mother slapping me once. I was thirteen, and while I can't remember what exactly I said to her, I'm confident that I probably pretty much deserved it. I was a mouthy little shit at that age and worked hard at pushing buttons.

My parents mostly went for the lectures and discussions, but with an emphasis on humiliation. I guess their SOP was to create enough self-loathing to make me not want to do something again.

[Peeta Mellark]

I got whupped a few times as a kid. I was never particularly well-behaved and my parents were A-OK with corporal punishment. I can see situations where spanking might be appropriate with children, but I probably wouldn't do it like my dad did.

[Clothahump]

I got the occasional butt-pop when I was a little kid and screwed up. However, after about age 7, I got only one spanking. I lied to my dad when I was 12 and he caught me out. He had a long talk with me about honor and integrity and I got three whacks with a belt. I never lied to him or anyone else again. He's been dead for nearly 20 years, but in the back of my mind, that belt is still hanging in his closet, ready to come out.

[Scumpup]

Yep. Corporal punishment in the home and also at school was the norm when I was a kid. I didn't know anybody who didn't get a whoopin' when they misbehaved nor did I know anybody whose parents forbade the teachers from paddling them.

[Oliveloaf]

I got spanked, smacked, and occasionally whipped with a belt. Sounds sever now, but at the time it didn't seem terribly inconsistent with what my friends were dealing with punishment wise. My father was fairly methodical about it. I knew it was coming and he (usually) made a pretty good case for it. My mother didn't inflict as much pain, but was wildly random about it.

I can't say I'm much impressed by any of it now, though my wife and I have never struck our daughter. I did slap her hands once. Funny, I can't forget the stunned look on the kid's face.

[Nrblex]

I was never hit that I can recall. Maybe I had my hand smacked as a little kid? There were plenty of times I wish I'd be hit, though. Having to sit there as my mother guilt-tripped me over every little thing would have me going "please just smack me already and get it over with. I would rather be spanked with a rose bush than have to listen to another second of this."

[parzival]

I was spanked fairly frequently as a kid. It was more that my parents believed in corporal punishment than any harshness to them, and getting hit was a sort of last resort/nuclear option for them. My Dad was always the enforcer, enough that the threat of it from my mom might make me stop. I actually think my mom probably would not have been able to bring herself to do it. My Dad was the principal at my school, and when I was younger he even kept (and on occasion used) a paddle there.

The only thing I felt where he went too far is in how old I was before he stopped. I was 14 the last time he hit me (not a spanking), and I think that is really too old. If I ever have kids, I don't want to say I'd never slap them when they're younger (because I have no idea what it's really like to raise kids). But I don't really think of it as an expected or ordinary way to punish them.