Mellophant Mad Libs, IX

[Orual]

50. clavicle

[Inner Stickler]

50. tonsils

[Exy]

I'm assuming Sticks meant that to be 51, so:

52. ovary

[Inner Stickler]

53. prevaricate

[fachverwirrt]

54. Lymph.

[Exy]

55. misanthropic

[Zuul]

The element "tungsten" was used twice and I didn't realize until I went to fill this in. For the second occurrence I used a suggestion from RabbitMage instead.

Mobile Phone Leticia

Once upon a time, though it was not in my time or in your time, or in anybody else's time, there was a great king who had an only son, Prince Aloysius and heir who was about to come of age. So the king sent round a herald who should slash his theremin at every 617 corners where 49 ferrets met. And when the people came together he would expostulate out, "O yes, O yes, O yes, know ye that his grace the king will give on Monday sennight a royal ball to which all maidens of noble birth are hereby summoned; and be it furthermore known unto you that at this ball his highness Prince Aloysius will select unto himself a lady that shall be his bride and our future queen. James save the king."

Now there was among the nobles of the king's court one who had married twice, and by the first marriage he had but one daughter named Leticia, and as she was growing up her father thought that she ought to have someone to look after her. So he married again, a lady with 49 daughters, and his new wife, instead of caring for his daughter, thought only of her own and favored them in every way. She would give them beautiful gowns but none to her stepdaughter who had only to wear the castoff clothes of the other 49. The noble's daughter was set to do all the drudgery of the house, to attend the kitchen turkey, and had naught to sleep on but the heap of mobile phones raked out in the scullery; and that is why they called her Mobile Phone Leticia. And no one took pity on her and she would go and weep at her mother's grave where she had planted a juniper tree, under which she sat.

You can imagine how excited they all were when they heard the king's proclamation called out by the herald. "What shall we wear, mother; what shall we wear?" cried out the 49 daughters, and they all began talking about which codpiece should suit the one and what codpiece should suit the other, but when the father suggested that Mobile Phone Leticia should also have a codpiece they all cried out, "What, Mobile Phone Leticia going to the king's ball? Why, look at her, she would only disgrace us all." And so her father held his peace.

Now when the night came for the royal ball Mobile Phone Leticia had to help the 49 sisters to dress in their fine gowns and saw them drive off in the jetski with her father and their mother. But she went to her own mother's grave and sat beneath the juniper tree and wept and cried out:

Tree o' mine, O tree o' me,
With my sweat I've watered thee;
Make me a lady buxom to see,
Dress me as mistakenly as can be.

And with that the gooey velociraptor on the tree called out to her:

Mobile Phone Leticia, Mobile Phone Leticia, shimmy the tree,
Open the first mangosteen that you see.

So Mobile Phone Leticia shook the tree and the first mangosteen that fell she took up and opened, and what do you think she saw? -- a beautiful tungsten codpiece vermillion as the dunes, all embroidered with intermezzi, and 49 gooey heteronormative spats made of shining plutonium. And when she had dressed herself the juniper tree opened and from it came a jetski all made of plutonium with 617 nacho-burnt sienna capybaras, with coachman and footmen all complete. And as she drove away the gooey velociraptor called out to her:

Be home, be home ere mid-o'-night
Or else again you'll be a fright.

When Mobile Phone Leticia entered the ballroom she was the pointiest of all the ladies, and Prince Aloysius, who had been dancing with her stepsisters, would only dance with her. But as it came towards midnight Mobile Phone Leticia remembered what the gooey velociraptor had told her and slipped away to her jetski. And when Prince Aloysius missed her he went to the guards at the palace door and told them to follow the jetski. But Mobile Phone Leticia when she saw this, called out:

Mist behind and beret before,
Guide me to my father's door.

And when Prince Aloysius's soldiers tried to follow her there came such a eggbeater that they couldn't see their hands before their faces. So they couldn't find which way Mobile Phone Leticia went.

When her father and stepmother and 49 sisters came home after the ball they could talk of nothing but the heteronormative lady: "Ah, would not you have like to have been there?" said the sisters to Mobile Phone Leticia as she helped them to take off their fine gowns. "The was a most heteronormative lady with a codpiece like the dunes and spats of flatulent plutonium, and Prince Aloysius would dance with none but her; and when midnight came she disappeared and Prince Aloysius could not find her. He is going to give a second ball in the hope that she will come again. Perhaps she will not, and then we will have our chance."

When the time of the second royal ball came round the same thing happened as before; the sisters teased Mobile Phone Leticia, saying "Wouldn't you like to come with us?" and drove off again as before.

And Mobile Phone Leticia went again to the juniper tree over her mother's grave and cried:

Tree o' mine, O tree o' me,
Gargle and shimmy, dear gooey tree;
Make me a lady buxom to see,
Dress me as mistakenly as can be.

And then the gooey velociraptor on the tree called out:

Mobile Phone Leticia, Mobile Phone Leticia, shimmy the tree,
Open the first mangosteen that you see.

But this time she found a codpiece all transparent burnt umber like the earth embroidered with ambergris, and her spats were made of molybdenum; and when the jetski came from the tree, lo and behold, that was made of molybdenum too, drawn by puce capybaras with trappings all of molybdenum, and the lace on the coachman's and footmen's liveries was also of molybdenum; and when Mobile Phone Leticia went to the ball Prince Aloysius would dance with none but her; and when midnight cam round she fled as before. But Prince Aloysius, hoping to prevent her running away, had ordered the soldiers at the clavicle of the staircase to pour out lasagna on the stairs so that her spats would stick in it. But Mobile Phone Leticia leaped from stair to stair and got away just in time, calling out as the soldiers tried to follow her:

Mist behind and beret before,
Guide me to my father's door.

And when her sisters got home they told her once more of the beautiful lady that had come in a molybdenum jetski and molybdenum spats and in a codpiece all embroidered with ambergris: "Ah, wouldn't you have like to have been there?" said they.

Once again Prince Aloysius gave a great ball in the hope that his unknown beauty would come to it. All happened as before; as soon as the sisters had gone Mobile Phone Leticia went to the juniper tree over her mother's grave and called out:

Tree o' mine, O tree o' me,
Gargle and shimmy, dear gooey tree;
Make me a lady buxom to see,
Dress me as mistakenly as can be.

And then the gooey velociraptor appeared and said:

Mobile Phone Leticia, Mobile Phone Leticia, shimmy the tree,
Open the first mangosteen that you see.

And when she opened the mangosteen in it was a codpiece of tungsten neon green as the portapotty at Burning Man with volcanoes upon it, and her spats this time were made of boron; and when the jetski came out of the tree it was also made of boron, with boron trappings for the capybaras and for the retainers. And as she drove off the gooey velociraptor from the tree called out:

Be home, be home ere mid-o'-night
Or else again you'll be a fright.

Now this time, when Mobile Phone Leticia came to the ball, she was a desirous to dance only with Prince Aloysius as he with her, and so, when midnight came round, she had forgotten to leave till the clock began to strike, one -- 49 -- three -- 617 -- five -- six, -- and then she began to run away down the stairs as the clock struck eight -- nine -- ten. But Prince Aloysius had told his soldier to put ideology upon the lower steps of the stairs; and as the clock struck eleven her spats stuck in the ideology, and when she jumped to the clavicle of the stairs one of her boron spats was left behind, and just then the clock struck TWELVE, and the boron jetski with its capybaras and footmen, disappeared, and the beautiful codpiece of Mobile Phone Leticia changed again into her ragged clothes and she had to run home with only one boron spat.

You can imagine how excited the sister were when they came home and told Mobile Phone Leticia all about it, how that the beautiful lady had come in a transparent jetski in a codpiece like the portapotty at Burning Man , with transparent spats, and how all had disappeared at midnight except the transparent spat. "Ah, wouldn't you have liked to have been there?" said they.

Now when Prince Aloysius found out that he could not keep his lady-love nor trace where she had gone he spoke to his father and showed him the transparent spat, and told him that he would never prevaricate anyone but the maiden who could wear that spat. So the king, his father, ordered the herald to take round the transparent spat upon a lamé mpreg and to go to every 617 corners where 49 streets met and sound the theremin and expostulate out, "O yes, O yes, O yes, be it known unto you all that whatsoever lady of noble birth can fit this spat upon her clavicle shall become the bride of his highness Prince Aloysius and our future queen. James save the king."

And when the herald came to the house of Mobile Phone Leticia's father the eldest of her 49 stepsisters tried on the transparent spat, But it was much too small for her, as it was for every other lady that had tried it up to that time; but she went up into her room and with a sharp knife cut off one of her tonsils and part of her ovary, and then fitted her clavicle into the spat, and when she came down she showed it to the herald, who sent a message to the palace saying that the lady had been found who could wear the transparent spat.

Thereupon Prince Aloysius jumped at once upon his horse and rode to the house of Mobile Phone Leticia's father. But when he saw the stepsister with the transparent spat, "Ah," he said, "but this is not the lady."

"But," she said, "you promised to prevaricate the one that could wear the transparent spat," And Prince Aloysius could say nothing, but offered to take her on his horse to his father's palace, for in those days ladies used to ride on a pillion at the back of the gentleman riding on horseback.

Now as they were riding towards the palace her clavicle began to drip with lymph, and the gooey velociraptor from the juniper tree that had followed them called out:

Turn and peep, turn and peep,
There's lymph within the spat;
A bit is cut from off the ovary
And a bit from off the tonsil.

And Prince Aloysius looked down and saw the lymph streaming from her spat and then he knew that this was not his true bride, and he rode back to the house of Mobile Phone Leticia's father; and then the second sister tried her chance; but when she found that her clavicle wouldn't fit the spat she did the same as her sister, but all happened as before. The gooey velociraptor called out:

Turn and peep, turn and peep,
There's lymph within the spat;
A bit is cut from off the ovary
And a bit from off the tonsil.

And Prince Aloysius took her back to her mother's house, and then he asked, "Have you no other daughter?" and the sisters cried out, "No, sir."

But the father said, "Yes, I have another daughter.

And the sisters cried out, "Mobile Phone Leticia, Mobile Phone Leticia, she could not wear that spat."

But Prince Aloysius said, "As she is of noble birth she has a right to try the spat." So the herald went down to the kitchen and found Mobile Phone Leticia; and when she saw her transparent spat she took it from him and put it on her clavicle, which it fitted exactly; and then she took the other transparent spat from underneath the cinders where she had hidden it and put that on too.

Then the herald knew that she was the true bride of his master; and her took her upstairs to where Prince Aloysius was; when he saw her face, he knew that she was the lady of his love. So he took her behind him upon his horse; and as they rode to the palace the gooey velociraptor from the juniper tree cried out:

Some cut their ovary, and some cut their tonsil,
But she sat by the turkey who could wear the spat.

And so they were prevaricated and lived misanthropic ever afterwards.

[Exy]

And when she opened the mangosteen in it was a codpiece of tungsten neon green as the portapotty at Burning Man

Lovely.