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Thread: Pet Food is Bullshit!

  1. #1
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Pet Food is Bullshit!

    I just realized this while posting in the Hot Pockets thread.

    Cats don't know what the hell Salmon and tuna taste like. We do, but
    they don't. So why does cat food come in flavors like salmon, tuna, chicken, and...cheese?

    Likewise, are dogs, naturally, really into lamb and turkey?

    So, just suggesting here. Cat food flavors cats might really want:

    Creamy Gerbil
    Chunky Sparrow
    Possum Leavings

    And for dogs:

    Fresh Vomit
    Dirty Plate
    Crap Under the Sink
    Dead Cat

    Just a note: They don't do this with fish food. Fish food is whatever it is. Blood worms, daphnia, flake crap.

    I feel better now.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  2. #2
    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    You might have noticed that your cat tends to let you do most of the shopping.

  3. #3
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Sarahfeena View post
    You might have noticed that your cat tends to let you do most of the shopping.
    Yes, the lazy bastards do.

    To that end, you'd think that Purina might market Meow Mix in pizza, Corona and Nutella flavors.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  4. #4
    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    It plays to the whole dog/cat owner culture, which can honestly be pretty infantile.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  5. #5
    Oliphaunt The Original An Gadaí's avatar
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    Does anyone here ever feed their cat or dog scraps?

  6. #6
    Free Exy Cluricaun's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by An Gadaí View post
    Does anyone here ever feed their cat or dog scraps?
    No, once I've turned the dog or cat into scraps why would I keep feeding them?
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

  7. #7
    Elephant Tuckerfan's avatar
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    I once heard an interview with, wait for it, a person who's job was to taste test pet food. According her, the thing they aim for in all flavors is blandness.
    Proud member of the '09 Phanters! K.I.L.L. S.M.U.R.F.S.
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  8. #8
    Oliphaunt jali's avatar
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    I feed the stray cats in my neighborhood and they have me on a schedule now.

    If I'm late coming home from work, they're on my porch waiting, and they actually yell at me.

    They get scraps and if I don't have scraps or leftovers, I'll cut up a couple of hotdogs or give them luncheon meat.

    I can't take them in, so I give them what I have. I won't buy catfood - it's too close to actually letting them in and there are too many of them for me to choose one or two.

    Other neighbors feed them too, so I feel cool with this.
    They weren't singing....they were just honking.
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  9. #9
    aka ivan the not-quite-as-terrible ivan astikov's avatar
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    I've always thought pet food was a good indicator of the standard of our meat trade.

    If the producers of pet chow are banging all the cheapest cuts of meat into their food and they aren't dying left, right and centre, then we know things are okay.
    To sleep, perchance to experience amygdalocortical activation and prefrontal deactivation.

  10. #10
    Yes, I'm a cat. What's it to you? Muffin's avatar
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    When I was a little kid, I fed my grandfather cat kibble for a week, claiming it was breakfast cereal. It didn't do him any harm, but on the other hand, it did not give him the energy he needed for the chase that ensued once he found out.
    Last edited by Muffin; 01 Apr 2010 at 08:24 AM.

  11. #11
    Sophmoric Existentialist
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    Dogs and cats are carnivores and thrive on raw meat, often old rotting raw meat. But most people aren't going to feed their pets on decaying cows, so they buy this stuff. It's the biggest ripoff on the planet, really. "All meat" does not mean rump roast or whole livers, it means all the odds and ends that the hotdog manufacturers don't quite want to use: lips, snouts, eyeballs, ears, pizzles, bench scrapings, etc. As my friend Billy Latimer says: Remember, there is no such thing as a tuna flaking machine. . . . Nothing "wrong" with it at all, but there you are. Dogs and cats don't eat much grain, in nature; they don't grow rice or wheat or potatoes as a rule.

    We compete with pet food buyers when buying feed for our mink. They can pay much more than we can afford to pay, but we're hanging in there. We don't cook it and can it, we feed it raw and our own cats and dogs live on it.

    I feel sorry for city pets, but I know how much pets mean to people. As long as they don't get carried away and tell me their cat is, like, the same as my kid? I'm fine with it.
    Sophmoric Existentialist

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