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Thread: Who would win in a fight?

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    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Default Who would win in a fight?

    Inspired by What Exit's kid.

    Please choose a winner and move on.

    Disturbing and unfair battles are encouraged.

    I begin:

    Paul Prudhomme or Roger Ebert?
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

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    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Prudhomme would season and eat Roger, and Roger would give it four stars.


    Next: Brooke Hogan vs Dog the Bounty Hunter, for all the tanning lamps in the free world.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

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    Free Exy Cluricaun's avatar
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    Dog is a tool, but he's an ex con and ex outlaw biker, so I'd give him the edge and $50 to kill Brooke Hogan.

    Miley Cyrus Vs. Donald Trump
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

  4. #4
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Donald Trump. He's scummy enough to fight dirty with a girl.

    Rachael Ray or Katie Couric?
    Last edited by Oliveloaf; 22 Mar 2010 at 11:00 AM.
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

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    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Katie Couric. She looks like a scrapper to me.

    Next: Henry VIII (circa 1540) or John Candy (circa 1993)?

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    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Henry VIII. He porked up, sure, but he was a serious jouster in his youth, while I don't think Candy would have hurt a fly.

    Daffy Duck or Donald Duck?

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    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    Daffy. The guy can survive a shotgun blast to the face.



    Jesus vs. Nietsche.
    Last edited by OneCentStamp; 22 Mar 2010 at 11:03 AM.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

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  8. #8
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Jesus. The dude had a high threshold for pain.

    Rush Limbaugh or Dana Carvey?
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

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    Free Exy Cluricaun's avatar
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    Limbaugh, he's immune to pain thanks to a healthy diet of opioids.

    Mary Kate vs. Ashley Olson.
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

  10. #10
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by OneCentStamp View post
    Daffy. The guy can survive a shotgun blast to the face.

    Jesus vs. Nietsche.
    I disagree on the Ducks: Daffy would almost beat Donald but do something stupid to kill himself. Donald would be mostly clueless and frustrated.

    Neither is a fighter and neither would end up listening to the other, tough fight as there would be no fight until some Bible thumper attacked Nietsche in Jesus's name. Jesus would be very sorry about the outcome but would win.

    Captain Kirk or Han Solo

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    Free Exy Cluricaun's avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by What Exit? View post
    Captain Kirk or Han Solo
    Well clearly it would be (brain explodes)

    I like Star Wars better so I'm going with Captain Solo on this one.

    Ronald McDonald Vs. The Burger King
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

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    my god, he's full of stars... OneCentStamp's avatar
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    The King. BK's recent ad campaigns have made it clear that he is sneaky and devious as a ninja. I'd say he wins by poisoning Ronald's food, but that's pretty much a given.



    James Cameron vs. Steven Spielberg
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

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    Spielberg. After all of those WWII movies, I am sure he knows some sort of secret Jew-jitsu.

    Dan Savage vs. Kirk Cameron

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    Prehistoric Bitchslapper Sarahfeena's avatar
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    Dan Savage. He's got some pent-up anger.

    Barack Obama vs. Michelle Obama

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    Dan Savage, because millions of people will back him up and help him beat Cameron senseless.

    Bill O'Reilly Vs. Keith Olbermann
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

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    Olbermann. His father just died and he has massive amounts of raeg to channel.

    Queen Elizabeth I vs. Queen Victoria

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    I'm going to go with QE1. By all accounts, she was pretty sturdy.



    Larry the Cable Guy vs. David Cross
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

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    Free Exy Cluricaun's avatar
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    David Cross would just hate him to death.

    Fred Flintstone Vs. George Jetson
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

  19. #19
    The Queen Zuul's avatar
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    Fred Flintstone. He's HUGE compared to Jetson!

    Stephen Fry vs. Alan Rickman

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    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Zuul View post
    Fred Flintstone. He's HUGE compared to Jetson!

    Stephen Fry vs. Alan Rickman
    Rickman will so overawe him with the power of his voice that Fry will run and get hit by a Bus.

    Swartzenager vs. Stallone

  21. #21
    Oliphaunt Taumpy's avatar
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    I'm gonna have to go with Stallone. His characters seem slightly brighter (yup, damning with faint praise right there.)

    Xena vs. Buffy

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    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Taumpy View post
    I'm gonna have to go with Stallone. His characters seem slightly brighter (yup, damning with faint praise right there.)

    Xena vs. Buffy
    Assuming a mud wrestling match, everyone watching.

    Sherlock Holmes or Dr. Hannibal Lecter

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    Holmes. Lecter is good at manipulating people, but Holmes knows everything. Ever. He will know Lecter's plan before Lecter has figured it out.

    Robin Williams vs. Jim Carrey

  24. #24
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    Mork.

    Robin Williams used to be pretty buff.

    The Pope or Oprah Winfrey?
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

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    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf View post
    Mork.

    Robin Williams used to be pretty buff.

    The Pope or Oprah Winfrey?
    Oprah, she is younger and in better shape and her followers are more fanatic and loyal.

    George Clooney or Bono?

  26. #26
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    Assuming they're fighting with swords forged out of their own smugness, Bono will have a distinct reach advantage.



    Chris Farley vs John Belushi
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

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    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by OneCentStamp View post
    Assuming they're fighting with swords forged out of their own smugness, Bono will have a distinct reach advantage.



    Chris Farley vs John Belushi
    You assumed correctly and I agree.

    Belushi, he was skilled in firearms and samurai swords and had a mean sting and was on a "Mission From God".


    Einstein vs. Pat Robertson.

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally posted by What Exit? View post
    ...


    Einstein vs. Pat Robertson.
    Einstein. Einstein knew God didn't play dice with the universe, whereas Robertson seems to think God works for him or something.

    Mike Ditka (regular sized) vs. Boba Fett from the Star Wars universe.

  29. #29
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    Dit-ka 50, Fett 10.


    Fred Phelps or Fred Schneider?
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  30. #30
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Fred Phelps fear of touching Fred Schneider would hurt his chances.

    I bet Schneider, though not violet, is really fit.

    Schneider.


    Don Imus or Robin Meade?
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  31. #31
    Oliphaunt
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    Quote Originally posted by Oliveloaf View post
    ...


    Don Imus or Robin Meade?

    I never heard of Robin Meade but Imus is older than dirt and doesn't look real healthy. Robin Meade.

    (A quick Google reveals Ms. Meade looks quite healthy.)

    The Big Bang vs. Chuck Norris?

  32. #32
    Oliphaunt dread pirate jimbo's avatar
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    Robin Meade would dazzle Imus with her spectacular hotness, then beat him to a pulp with a chair. So I agree with LL.

    Chuck Norris would jump-kick The Big Bang right in the nads and send it back where it came from.

    Captain James T. Kirk or T.J. Hooker?
    Hell is other people.

  33. #33
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    Kirk by double overhand hammer fist.





    Tiger Woods vs. Bill Clinton
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

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    Quote Originally posted by OneCentStamp View post
    Kirk by double overhand hammer fist.

    Tiger Woods vs. Bill Clinton
    Tiger is the better athlete, far younger and apparently the bigger horndog too. So Tiger.

    Big Battle: Theodore Roosevelt vs. Chuck Norris

  35. #35
    Oliphaunt Rube E. Tewesday's avatar
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    Roosevelt. He'd find a way to hit Norris with a big stick.

    Hugh Hefner or Bob Guccione (in their primes)

  36. #36
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    My heart says Teddy but my brain says Chuck.

    Chuck.

    Elton John or Lady Gaga?
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

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    Quote Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday View post
    Roosevelt. He'd find a way to hit Norris with a big stick.

    Hugh Hefner or Bob Guccione (in their primes)
    Guccione. Hefer is a closet case fetishist who collects living people like Barbie dolls. Bob is just a straight up pervert.
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

  38. #38
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    (cut and paste)

    Elton John or Lady Gaga?
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

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    Lady Gaga, Sir Elton doesn't appear to be all that spry these days.

    Steven King Vs. Clive Barker.
    Hell, if I didn't do things just because they made me feel a bit ridiculous, I wouldn't have much of a social life. - Santo Rugger.

  40. #40
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    Steven King can run Clive over with a haunted Plymouth.

    Sarah Palin or Rob Lowe?
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

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    I like Rob, but Sarah would toss him into a turkey processor.



    Colonel Sanders or General Tso, in the battle of chicken commanders?
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

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  42. #42
    Curmudgeon OtakuLoki's avatar
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    Colonel Sanders, because all that HFCS would be poisoning General Tso's troops.


    Benji vs. Pikachu

  43. #43
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    Pikachu. He shoots lightening bolts.

    Conan O'Brien or Conan the Barbarian?

  44. #44
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Orual View post
    Pikachu. He shoots lightening bolts.

    Conan O'Brien or Conan the Barbarian?
    Conan the Barbarian easily, Conan couldn't even hold off the unfunny Leno nevermind a God killing warrior.

    Conan the Barbarian vs. The Terminator (original killing machine)

  45. #45
    Curmudgeon OtakuLoki's avatar
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    I've got to go with the Terminator: If Conan knew the true extent of the threat, he might be able to plan something that could be effective - but the odds that he'd figure things out before he got killed are pretty low.


    Aquaman vs. Captain Planet Benji
    Last edited by OtakuLoki; 23 Mar 2010 at 07:17 AM. Reason: Because I wanted to really humiliate Aquaman

  46. #46
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    Benji, as in the dog? Aquaman for sure. He could totally hold his breath long enough to punt that irritating mutt. :Shake:

    (Sorry, I have unresolved rage issues because I got called "Benji" throughout elementary school.)


    Elin Nordegren vs. Mary Jo Buttafuoco?
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

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  47. #47
    For whom nothing is written. Oliveloaf's avatar
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    People named Buttafuoco win fights.

    Dirty Jobs' Mike Rowe or Serena Williams?
    "I won't kill for money, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to just about anything."

    -Jim Rockford

  48. #48
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Serena Williams, her upper arm strength is of the charts.

    Dolly Parton or Joan Rivers?

  49. #49
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    I'm going to go with Dolly. Joan looks like she's probably a mean-ass bitch when the camera is off, but I don't think she can even extend her arms fully without her face sliding off. Reach advantage: Dolly.

    Next: Glenn Beck vs. a hungry leopard.
    "You laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at you because I'm on nitrous."

    find me at Goodreads

  50. #50
    Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo What Exit?'s avatar
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    Hungry Leopard and I will be rooting hard for the kitty.

    Barbara Bush vs. Nancy Reagan

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