Being a Jew and being a Christian.

[Cartooniverse]

Serious request: This is a complex issue for me and I turn to those whose opinion I respect and whose ability to discuss, debate and critically analyze is superb. I welcome all opinions. Although this is indeed the Forum for witnessing, I beg beg beg of the collective group, do not witness in here. If you are devout in your faith, bring it in and bring it on. But I seek a rigorous discussion on where this issue may take me in my life. Please try to stay on track, this is brutally complex for me.
Thanks.
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I was born of a Jewish family on both sides. I have a ridiculously Biblical name. That makes me an Ethnic Jew ( from here on out, EJ ). Dad was non-practicing. Dad got out of Nazi Germany at age 8. Barely. with his little sister and his Mom. Traumatic incidents prior to leaving. Most of that family did not survive. So... the collected familial anger/sadness/ SILENCE regarding this issue, that (mostly) lost generation.

Mom became involved in Quakerism when I was about 5. So..... I went to First Day School a lot of the time, sat in Meeting for Workship on Sundays. Then again, we celebrated Hannukah/Channuka and went to the family Seder every year. When I was eight I was asked/ told: make a choice. Jewish education and a Bar Mitzvah, or keep going to Quaker Meeting. What the heck did I know?? I chose what I thought would please most of the family, and said I'd do the Hebrew School thing.

It was fine. Mom wasn't angry or if she was she never let on. Did the Bar Mitzvah, got Confirmed. Was extremely active in synogogue youth group in 11th and 12th grade. THAT part was quite important. Both in terms of social growth and a safe place to question things. ( Go NFTY and PAFTY !! ).

There has always been a sense of quite sadness and deep rage when my family was gathered for Seder. No joy there, despite the image in my mind ( based greatly on descriptions by Chaim Potok in his books of Seders ) that a Seder should be joyous and thoughtful. The losses were so immense, and so little was said or shared that the unspoken questions built up until there was little said, and just such sadness.

The big questions sure did pile up in my head. So, I'm a Jew. One of the Chosen. Chosen for what??? Where is the God who protects us? Where was He ( I will say He out of common use in the Old Testament. I've no belief that God looks like the white-haired man portrayed in the much-beloved Far Side cartoons. Much skepticism, much negativity. The idea of Jewish self-loathing is not new and I've read up on it. But it isn't ethnic self-loathing, it is a real distaste for the God Of Retribution, the God Of Wrath. The Old Testament God.

Mom continues with her Quakerism. I attend now and then after Sept 11th, as my involvement was direct and rather painful. Why not seek peace? A sense of inner calm of not an inner voice/ light. ( Being kept in The Light is a big part of Quakerism ). It was soothing, and gave me no answers but succor? Yes.

I'd attended church a few times with friends or for weddings. I detest, detest, detest the racist approach taken by Jews regarding Christ and Christians. ( I also deride the whole " Christ-Killer" theme espoused in some quarters by Christians. )

So, there's the God of Wrath or the God of Love. Why not one God? Is this not a One God idea? Since I am a devout pacifist, the Wrathful violent homicidal aspects of Jewish history are entirely disgusting to me. Not that any less blood has been shed by Christians or Moslems in the name of their God. ( To me, all war is jihad. There is almost no reason for murder more justified throughout history than religious indignation. Sick. Just sick. )

Does this mean I am a bad Jew or a good Christian or a human and nothing more?

The righteousness that becomes so easily perverted into violence and hatred will never be within my heart. I've interest in a God of Love. In some inner peace and quiet.

Now. The problems. I don't believe that Jesus Christ was the son of God. I don't believe he was resurrected. I believe that he was more than an average man. That he was spoken to by God and guided in remarkable ways. That he walked with such surety not just of faith but surety that God was with him, watching and guiding him. Miracles? God's work to be sure. Jesus was the most perfect communicator and preacher as of that time. And so his belief and message spread.

I suspect that it has been mightily perverted over the centuries. I mean no disrespect to Christians reading this, I really do not. This is NOT a diatribe any more than it is an anti-Semitic diatribe. I suspect that the Word of God became something else as the Church became a business, just as Judiasm spread from a tribal thing to a Tribal thing.

The entire machine that is organized religion needs to step aside. I don't' want to Belong just to Belong. I won't convert just to Belong. If I have an epiphany, I will convert. Otherwise, I will watch and try to understand and be open to it all.

Where is the God of Peace for those who need Him ? If I see myself as peaceful and a pacifist, I cannot be a Jew, for a member of the Tribe sees Israel and Jews first, the Chosen people are the only ones beloved by God. I cannot be a Jew. I do not believe that Jesus was the son of God.I cannot be an Episcopalian.

What of those souls seeking peace? Seeking a God of Peace??

Cartooniverse

[Orual]

Where is the God of Peace for those who need Him ? If I see myself as peaceful and a pacifist, I cannot be a Jew, for a member of the Tribe sees Israel and Jews first, the Chosen people are the only ones beloved by God. I cannot be a Jew. I do not believe that Jesus was the son of God.I cannot be an Episcopalian.

What of those souls seeking peace? Seeking a God of Peace??

Cartooniverse

I'm surprised that you don't feel more connected to the Quakers, especially since you feel so strongly about pacifism. Have you found their organization to be dissatisfying in some way?

(I ask partially because I've been toying with the idea of checking them out myself: the whole non-creed-having, Inner-Light-seeking thing is appealing to me, and they don't seem too hung up on Jesus.)

I don't really know what it's like to grow up with such a load of religio-ethnic baggage, though. Sounds tough, and I'm afraid I don't have much to offer by way of enlightenment.

[Cartooniverse]

Oh, I do see myself as a Quaker. But I'm involved with an Episcopalian and so these discussions, they come up. She's not in any way pressing me to convert, she'd never do such a thing. But things come up and the curiosity about me, the Jewker ( The alternative is Quew ! ) makes me question and be a bit introspective over it all.

[Sarahfeena]

It sounds to me as though you are trying to fit yourself into a religion that fits you philosophically, with universalism and humanism being your primary concerns. It could be that neither Judaism nor Christianity will fit your needs, and you don't necessarily have to be either one. Have you looked into the Unitarian/Universalists? I don't think it matters at all if you are a Jew, a Christian, a combination of the two, or nothing at all.

From their website, their guiding principles are:

* The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
* Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
* Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
* A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
* The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
* The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
* Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

http://www.uua.org/visitors/6798.shtml

[Sarahfeena]

I forgot to add...another thing you should think about is finding the most liberal denominations/congregations possible, in whatever religion you find yourself in. They always lean more towards universalism than the more conservative ones.

[Orual]

Oh, I do see myself as a Quaker. But I'm involved with an Episcopalian and so these discussions, they come up. She's not in any way pressing me to convert, she'd never do such a thing. But things come up and the curiosity about me, the Jewker ( The alternative is Quew ! ) makes me question and be a bit introspective over it all.

Have you been to an Episcopal service? They're definitely on the mellow/liberal side of the Christianity spectrum: accepting of homosexuals, allowing the ordination women, etc.

They've always seemed to me like a community that's welcoming and not too preachy. (They're in communion with my former denomination: the ELCA Lutherans; who are also just about as laid back as you can get without being Unitarian.)

[Cartooniverse]

Yes.I have attended Easter, Christmas and regular Sunday services at a variety of Episcopal churches.
I felt quite welcome.

[Glazer]

Does this mean I am a bad Jew or a good Christian or a human and nothing more?

Just a man with a question. Where can I find the God I feel in my heart? In that question is the answer. Look in your heart to that God that is within you. Look to the church for fellowship with your fellow Man. Any church or synagogue that gives you need at the moment. But follow the God in your heart.