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No. A nice dental hygienist who I'm convinced was just wearing a fake wedding ring to deter unwanted suitors, therefore not applicable to me.
TNP is pretty sure the only lighter one need carry is a Zippo with a butane jet/torch insert filled with top-quality butane (the unreliable original insert may be discarded or kept as an impractical novelty). For firestarting, of course.
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I don't carry a lighter myself, but sure, why not?
TNP has heard the Steven Wright joke that he likes his dental hygienist so much that he eats an entire box of Oreos before he goes in for an appointment, and she then clears her schedule for the rest of the day.
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Yeah, I have heard that one. Possibly even delivered by Mr. Wright himself: very funny guy.
And about the Zippo, note I'm not complaining about replacing wicks and flints, or the inevitable evaporation: the striker wheel itself is easily irreparably harmed from repeated use, and AFAIK, cannot be replaced with tools an average hobbyist would have at hand. Although Zippo from Bradford, PA will happily replace it, it's not a robust design for the frequent firestarter). Butane torch lighters also have a somewhat limited number of "sparks" built into them, due to the piezoelectric mechanism, however, so perhaps it's a draw.
TNP can explain why he or she thinks either (i) Steven Wright or (ii) Norm Macdonald is the funnier comedian.
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Steven Wright, by a wide margin; his sense of humor is just closer to mine. I've seen him do his standup routine three times over the years and, although there's quite a lot of material that he keeps using year after year, much of it is still funny all over again (and he always has at least some new stuff). I do like Norm Macdonald, though, and enjoyed his sitcom (in which he played a probation officer) when it was on.
TNP remembers that sitcom, and watched it at least a few times.
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Yeah, I remember its having existed, but I don't recall ever watching it. Soon to be remedied, probably.
TNP is somewhat delighted into returning to an old favorite _________ who/which has become a bugbear or a detested scourge over the years. Composers, authors, whatever one can think of.
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No, I can't say that I have.
TNP will be getting out in the sun today.
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Sure. It was overcast, and I received in the mail the sunhat to beat all sunhats. Not needed today: an ordinary ballcap worked fine to keep the sun out of the eyes. The brim is outrageously wide throughout the circumference. Oh well, I shall be using it later, I suppose. Perhaps tomorrow.
TNP really does not like to lose at games like pool, or whatever else. An inner sense of outrage is provoked, although never observable.
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Oh, definitely. I always wanna win if I can (while playing by the rules, naturally).
TNP has a favorite house rule for a game.
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Oh, I don't know. I guess always let the youngest go first if it's some kind of multigenerational get-together playing some table-top game. More like least favorite "house rules" that vary from place to place.
TNP: OTR (on-the-road) or UTR (under-the-roof). Interpret as you will.
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Urban Dictionary has failed me as to the second, so I guess I'll go with the first.
TNP prefers his or her PB&J PDQ if not ASAP.
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I wish I had that enthusiasm, but, no. That's not a sandwich I relish, although it's certainly edible and would eat if hungry.
TNP will name three comestibles which are often combined, but which he or she prefers consumed in discrete portions.
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Mixed veggies, specifically, hmm... sweet corn, lima beans and red peppers.
TNP would actually prefer those three together.
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Yeah, I would just mix those up, add some garlic, red chile flakes, maybe some other stuff and eat it.
TNP knows pretty well at least three women roughly his or her own age who are like frenzied crusaders when they don't like something: i.e., they get mad as hell and get results!
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Yes, for the right cause, I bet I do.
TNP has at least three coins in his or her pocket right now.
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Nope. And I don't have a fountain, either. No coins, no cash. Card only.
TNP can top as an insult directed about someone else spoken recently by an unlikely person this casual one: "Me — who are you talking about? Mme X — that bald dude in the tie-dye shirt. That fat fucker." :)
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Nope, you got me there.
TNP is within arm's reach of a landline phone right now.
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Nah, would have to go upstairs.
TNP still has a landline phone, but only because getting rid of it would be more trouble than keeping it.
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Don't have one at home, but I do at work, and I definitely need it.
TNP has gotten his or her COVID-19 vaccination.
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Some of a Pfizer. Booster (second shot) this Wednesday, by happenstance exactly 21 days after the first. Doing stupid stuff like taking vitamins, as well as extra vitamin C, not drinking alcohol, and some not-so-stupid things like curtailing my 2400 mg/day ibuprofen regimen in the days preceding. So as to ensure maximum results and minimal discomfort.
TNP must choose: Feast of the Ascension, or Pentecost Sunday. By any criterion one wants.
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I'll take Pentecost, because that's when we have the "speaking in tongues" portion of the Bible reading, and people in my Episcopal parish are encouraged to speak in their native tongues (Spanish, French, Chinese, Xhosa, Czech and others, in past years), which I think is cool.
TNP watched some of the Duke of Edinburgh's funeral over the weekend.
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No. Are you kidding? Yeah, I heard the old fruit croaked, but I sure as shit didn't watch it on no goddamned TV.
TNP was relieved and jubilant when the "Blue Stain" Chauvin USA "cop killer" verdict came in this afternoon.
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Relieved, yes, definitely. Jubilant, maybe a little. It won't bring George Floyd back.
TNP will watch Jeopardy! today.
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No. Haven't seen it in years and years and years.
TNP has tried one of the cauliflower-based pizza (crust) concotions, and if so, was underwhelmed.
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I have not, and I have absolutely zero interest in trying it either.
TNP thinks that cauliflower-based pizza (crust) concoctions make Sweet Baby Jesus cry.
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No. It's just not that good IMO. "Caulipower" brand kind of resembles pizza, though. Just not the kind one really wants to eat.
TNP names one awful truth about Reddit.
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I have never done anything with it, and have no wish to.
(I was thinking Sweet Baby Jesus would cry because they were so bad).
TNP checks Facebook at least every other day.
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No. Maybe once a week, if that. A few times a month is probably more accurate.
[No, the Caulipower isn't that bad....but maybe Baby Jesus is a colicky baby....I wouldn't know!]
TNP regularly sees Bald Eagles overhead, or would like to.
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I don't, but I definitely would like to.
TNP has more than three coins in his or her pocket right now.
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Nope. Pure plastic. Anyway, I'm not wearing any pants right now, so you asked anyway.
TNP is thinking about buying a relatively old bottle of Irish or Scotch whiskey/whisky. Just to keep the world economy rolling, of course.
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Tempting, but no, although I did recently buy a bottle of Jack and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red Label.
TNP is in the mood to read some Melville.
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No. I'm not sure why, but I'd rather read something in a clean, modern style at this time of the year. No disrespect intended to Melville. Also, he's not one I tend to re-read again and again. Much like Mark Twain, among American authors: I feel as though I "got the message" the first time through, however brilliant and subtle.
Scotch whiskies: whether a minimally peated, but subtle expression like Glenmorangie 10, or a peat monster from Islay, TNP does find that adding a few drops of water is an option that cannot be overrated.
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No, I like my whiskey neat no matter what.
TNP would like to go to Scotland once this $%^&*! pandemic is behind us.
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Sorry to say, not particularly. Southwestern Australia is a more appealing destination, with plenty of first or nth-generation immigrants from Scotland. A tasting tour through the Laphroaigs and other adult beverages from the Highlands and Islay is good enough for me. Not really warm weather drinks, but I think a dedicated drinker can persevere.
TNP has had a tasty burger in the past week. With fries, of course.
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No, but I sure wish I had. And a favorite local burger spot of ours just announced it's going to close, dammit.
TNP has had a favorite local restaurant close recently, due to the pandemic or something else.
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Sort of. If by "favorite" you mean "all of them" (except for take-out). The latest "lock-down" restrictions lasted all of a week, so tomorrow any restaurant/bar still in business will be back to indoor seating.
Oh, you probably mean close permanently. No: many have, but none of my regular spots.
TNP must choose: Bushmills Black Bush (neat, of course!), or a gin (of some kind of call brand, whatever that might be) gimlet on the rocks.
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Never gin so Bushmills wins easy. I prefer Jameson.
TNP: What is your favorite strong spirit?
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Johnnie Walker Red Label.
TNP's favorite spy movie?
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Oh, I don't know. Spies Like Us?
TNP can explain why modern-day Italy has many superb liqueurs and aromatics, and of course wines, but not many higher-proofed distilled liquors, aside from the many classic grappas/eaux de vie.
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I would go lots of grapes, not so much cereal to work with, but just a guess.
TNP thinks that any cocktail that calls for vermouth can be made adequately with Port.
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What? No. I like the vermouths, and I drink them straight, either room temperature or chilled. But ports I think are best taken straight out of the bottle.
TNP is not ashamed to have found a bag of potato chips from a recent shopping trip and just dug right into it, like a savage!
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Yes, I had quite a few Conn's Flaming Hot Wavy chips with lunch today. My mouth should soon recover, with luck.
TNP has seen a gangster movie lately.
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Not exactly. More gangster-adjacent, I suppose.
TNP has recently been outraged, incensed, and appalled by how much that "fast food" smell lingers in a small environment, no matter how much one enjoys driving with the windows down. As in, extremely enraged, like "WTF, I go through a Burger King once and this how people will remember me?" No good. TNP also has great faith in Febreze and intends to liberally apply it soon.
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Hasn't been an issue for me lately, but I hear what you're sayin'.
TNP is just about ready for an Arby's run.
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Yes. There's a particular street I sometimes go down where there is or was an Arby's.
I wanted to buy the "all meat" sandwich, just to punish myself. I don't have a link, but it's like a foot tall and used to be an "off menu" item: every single type of meat (or "meat") they offer, just stacked up.
What? So I'm a pervert and a derelict! It sounded amusing. I think they're not open, though. Not sure.
TNP doesn't feel the least bit bad about ordering a bunch of shit from Amazon or similar. Except that one ends up with a bunch of stupid boxes and crap cluttering one's environment.
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Yes, that is the downside. But on the upside... new stuff!!!
TNP has placed an Amazon order in the past week.
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Are you kidding me? A third (and final!) chain in "gold" (colored), two St. Mary medallions (one for the chain, the other for the car key...not that anyone asked, but I've been only wearing two silver chains, one with a cross, the other with an Ignatius medallion: I needed more, clearly!), two books of Debussy and Ravel sheet music, an Ibanez AF55 guitar, a new belt...yeah, Uncle Sam finally processed my refunds including the various Economic Impact payments. Oh, and the Latin version of Ignatius's "Spiritual Exercises."
Granted, most of it is going to the electric company, and to fix the car (maintenance, really: coolant flush, brake fluid flush, a tie rod end with "some play," and possibly a new caliper: homeboy at my shop is going to need all day Saturday to finish the brake flush, since apparently the bleeder screw was digging into the LF caliper....oh well! About five blocks from my favorite and only watering hole so just play some pool and drink some "light" beer [meaning 5% ABV]) and some repairs to the HOA (fucking bastard shitheads), but some left to readjust my 401K and tax deductions. Fuckers still owe me $59 from 2018, though. "Identity Verification" my ass. Cornholers.
TNP becomes unusually, or perhaps unreasonably, elated when he or she wins at simple games, like bar-rules 8-ball.
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Yes, a little win can definitely make me smile.
TNP will be playing cards this weekend.
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No. What is this The Odd Couple and the Pigeon Sisters are coming over.
TNP must answer: dice or cards to pass the time.?
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Of the two, more likely cards. But I'd prefer Bananagrams, Boggle, Blokus, Scrabble, Uno or Jenga to either, if I had my druthers.
TNP saw a picture of the Statue of Liberty today.
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No.
TNP almost puked up his or her lungs and/or stomach watching an old SNL skit by laughing. Or, if not, may I suggest Matt Foley as a motivational speaker.