The food thread omnibus or whatever

Let me be the first to say that Facebook's "chat" window kind of....

depends on text size settings.

OK fine. Whatever.

I'm normally a very disciplined eater, when it comes to doing a "project," like eating 800 calories a day or whatever to get down below 36 waist-size. I enjoy fasting and then eating a box of mac&cheese, or whatever.

But in a non-project-oriented mode, it's a fucking pain in the ass to eat only non-animal matter.

I think abstention is horrible for a person, and so eating one's fill of beans + vegetable oil leads to a grotesque of human behavior.

Ever wonder why hippies are so disagreeable?

Yeah.

Oh, and by "non-animal matter," I mean, obviously, things that are not meat/fish, or processed milk (aka cheese or butter).

And, just to restate, I understand why vegans are miserable and worthless -- they are not human beings, is why. I have more empathy for an innocent spider or insect than for one of those worms.

I'm an omnivore from a very long line of omnivores. However I am also lazy and have a desk job so now firmly in middle age I am sadly quite fat. My salad intake has greatly increased in the last few months and I have dropped 25 pounds but I need to drop another 40 or more. This won't be easy. Did I mention I am basically lazy?

Lazy doesn't cut much rope, cowboy, around here.

And ad weight-loss, do NOT do vegan. It is a despicable, unnatural diet. Trust me, after three or four days you'll be eating so many beans your eyes turn brown. Or whatever.

My way is better -- fast for 24 hours, then make a big-assed cheeseburger and eat it. Rinse and repeat.

I don't know that "cutting rope" is an actual expression. I'll assume I was trying to make some sort of joke.

Anyway, I didn't want to make it sound as though I was trying out fad diets -- because, clearly, I wouldn't want to make a fool of myself online. I just dislike grocery shopping, and so it often ends up I'll eat what's in the pantry for weeks on end, which is only vegetable matter.

I also want to drop twenty pounds -- about 10 years ago I weighed 50 pounds heavier, after a number of years eating lots of food and drinking lots of beer. I figure the only way to do anything body-related is just to use the body as intended -- exercise when you want, eat commensurate to what you do. In other words, not worry about it. The only way top models get people to stop retching at the thought of analingus is that they eat salads and drop only sheep turds.

I think one meal a day is reasonable. Its composition is not very important, I find. I also find "fresh vegetables" to be ridiculous. Peas, carrots, onion, garlic, potatoes, legumes. Those should stay. Multivitamins, bulky, high-fiber food, protein, fat. Just put it in a bucket.

And would people stop harping on "brown rice"? It was a joke even back in the day. Vide ZZ Top,

Quote:

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Eats brown rice every day/Drives a Jeep with a German Shepherd by her side

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. Ridiculous. The fibrous content of brown rice is negligible, and anyone who isn't a moron eats plenty of fiber already.

I've basically lowered my intake and most of my snacks consist of apples, bananas and rice cakes. But I grilled a burger last night with a slice of cheese for dinner along with a large apple.

I don't do well on fasting though, my system is overly acidic to start with and not feeding it makes things worse.

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Originally posted by What Exit?

I've basically lowered my intake and most of my snacks consist of apples, bananas and rice cakes. But I grilled a burger last night with a slice of cheese for dinner along with a large apple.

I don't do well on fasting though, my system is overly acidic to start with and not feeding it makes things worse.

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You eat like a chimpanzee! Just kidding around, but still. All right, to each their own.

I think I probably have an overly-acidic system as well - at least, I should. I smoke my tobacco pipe like a chimney, drink like a fish whenever I feel like it, and eat a lot of salt. What have you heard about acid levels, nutrition, and basic health? I don't know anything, but it could be interesting to find out.

If I am not careful I get severe heartburn, thankfully many meds now work to fix the esophagus enough to only need to be on those meds for 2-3 months in my case. But I had to give up OJ, cut out spicy foods and cut down on tomato sauce among other things. But tied to this fasting works poorly for me. I don't eat enough green veggies and I don't exercise on a regular basis thus my weight loss is not progressing fast or well. I at least sporadically exercise now and I have replaced a lot of meals with options like a chicken Caesar salad or similar.

Sorry to heart about heartburn. As a dedicated smoker and drinker, I assume my esophagus will become pathological eventually.

I'm with you about acidic foods -- there's something "different" to me about tomatoes, citric juices, and so forth, that don't seem congruent to "spicy" foods, like hot curries or chiles in general. There's probably something in there about the sweetness that I just don't care for.

Since when is a chicken Caesar not a meal? With a glass of wine and some bread, that would do me pretty well.

I guess the only place I diverge from norms is that I've never been a "snacker" -- if I want to eat, then I eat a shitload (literally!) of food, and then let it settle for about a day or two. I recognize alcohol as food, and try to consider it a "meal" (although consuming a case of beer takes a bit longer than the usual shark-frenzy), and then it's hard to refuse a good sandwich at that point. But, everyone knows about that cycle, and as a (good?) Catholic, I enjoy the feeling of penance, resolve, and repentance the morning (evening?) after. Much like a Frenchwoman shows off her rebelliousness by eating decadently, and suffers silently the next day by abstention. For her figure.

I never thought exercise in se was that important. Much like technique at the keyboard is not important in itself -- it's relative to what you want to do. Do I like being able to walk thirty miles? Yep. Do a hundred pushups? Yes. But I can't, so it's on my list. Run to catch a train and not be huffing and puffing when I get on board? Yes. I'm happy with the exercise I do -- it's what I need and want, so it's good enough. Not having to think about it frees up a lot of my brain to screw around online for fun. And, trust me, my brain needs all the help it can get. It's probably fucked over from what I've done to it already.

Simpliciter, freedom from food has a kind of subliminal logic. I could draw that out, but it goes in several directions, and I don't want to write some idiotic essay.

Just screwing around, enjoying the sounds of fingers to keyboard. Best thing about mellophant is that it starts with "me."

What's the fucking deal with the turkey, anyway, man? I'm a regular enough person, not one of those fancy food people, but the quality of the birds is just appalling to me.

Maybe there is something to the whole free-range organic chicken -- honestly, that sounds like a lot of effort. In fact, too much. If I have to "source" my fowl that carefully, I'd rather just milk a cow and have a plate of beans.

Chalky, grotesque white breasts.

That is your word for the day. I'll say it again.

Chalky, grotesque, white breasts.

That's four words, I think.

That's your problem, EH. You don't think.

(That was supposed to be a joke.)

Anyone else feel like retching at the thought of too much protein? I like balanced meals, generally. If I want to eat a bunch of chicken or turkey, it's got to be for a reason, like going on a weight-lifting kick, or just have the crave for meat.

Thanksgiving is an upsetting, dour, unbalanced, regrettable Carnivale for emotionally unbalanced binge eaters.

Viz., Americans.

It is an unfortunate holiday.

Oh yeah, bitches. Speaking of food, my one meal a day diet rules. 23 pounds lost in six months. +/- five or ten pounds due to hydration levels.

I just found out my clothes weigh exactly 7 pounds (to the nearest tenth of a pound), excluding wallet, keys, phone, and stuff. Fleece jacket, T-shirt, loafers, socks, pants, shorts, belt. Naked, that leaves me at 204.9 pounds, as measured directly. AND I just measured my height at 75 inches. My doctor had me in his charts at 6'3.5", but I think he's getting the Alzheimers, and I don't think I was ever 75.5 inches tall. BUT his nurse weighed me in with the same clothes (yes, I had put all my stuff in pockets beforehand, just to be sneaky) at 207 pounds. BUT I think I was a little dehydrated at the time, and anyway, I find that my weight can vary up to ten pounds, depending on how much salt I eat or booze I drink.

ANYWAY, I'm pretty stoked to be getting back to pre-France, pre-grad school weight. In fact, with a BMI of about 26, I'm almost in the normal range. Dude, ten years ago I weighed 280 pounds, and could pound back sixteen beers and a fifth of liquor and hardly feel it. Of course, I was much stronger, as well, had my own free-weight set-up at my place, was walking eight or ten miles a day, and got up to running 10 miles a week. Granted, I did all that just to try to lose weight, but I still did it. So, got to get that back.

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Anyway, so this is like food and shit thread, so mark me well, one meal a day works. Also, limiting boozing to a few heavy benders a month doesn't hurt (I define a "bender" as one or more days of consuming at least twenty drinks in a sitting -- often quite a bit more). ETA "doesn't hurt"? I guess I meant "doesn't help," but whatever. There's no way I'm going to join the geriatric club with my lifestyle, so it doesn't matter. EETA oh, of course I meant "doesn't hurt" -- that's pretty moderate drinking (=calories+dehydration) for me, so that's a good balanced diet.

and by "dehydration" in (=calories+dehydration) I implied bloating from retention of water precipitated by something about the way some cells or something do something with water. in other words, bloating.

I do love food. When I have lunch, I try my best to eat healthy. I make salads for my lunches and I enjoy that for the most part. I eat this on the majority of my structured week days. When I plan my meals, I do decent but I am a big food person and love food, and I love sweets a lot. Sometimes, I fail at eating healthy. There have been many food restrictions put upon me throughout the course of my life that I get the false sense of feeling deprived to I sometimes end up eating too much. I've gotten more control over it than I used to. I guess it's good that I love vegetables but I also love meat. It is terrible that my favorite food ice cream. My favorite food food is lamb chops.

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Originally posted by Froody Blue Gem

and I love sweets a lot.

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You know who else loves sweets a lot? XXXXXXXXXX some other people on this board.

Although I did enjoy a few months where I found these chocolate bars, AFAICT, the brand is just "Endangered Species" -- they used to be on sale a lot at my neighborhood grocery store. So you'd get some 88% cacao, some with cocoa nibs in them, some other varieties. 400 KCal per bar.

That plus some bread was a pretty good meal.

Of course, you've got to brush your after eating those, but that's OK.

LAMB CHOPS!!!!! You eat babies??????!!!!!!

Yeah, I'm one of those as well who enjoys lamb, as well as duck.

Some people think the taste is too strong, or too fatty, but I think they're just not cooking it right.

Wheat Thins: a once-admired occasional snack.

I believe them to be disgusting now.

Triscuits: the one true cracker, next to Jim Varney.

That is all.

I have discovered over a few days of experimentation that the frozen various types of "French Fries" have some positive effects.

On the one hand, the fibrous content, in addition to whatever amount of fat is included in the product, produces a healthy, consistent stool about six hours after consumption. I'm pleased about that.

On another hand, the micronutrient-rich character of potatoes (yes, there are some ignorant fools who think somehow potatoes are not a vegetable, but they're to be ignored, since their opinions are not related to reality) is, I think, a bonus.

On another hand, I find the products to be extremely satiating, in a "curing the hunger" sort of way.

While I think of myself as somewhat an expert at using fresh potatoes and creating my own French fries (a facsimile easily duplicated in your average home kitchen), I find these frozen products to be satisfactory, and of some considerable benefit.

One should not eat more than one n-oz size (i.e., large, basically) bag of Spiral-Cut frozen spiced potato French Fries. in a sitting.

HOWEVER, I find this morning, it was acceptable to eat two Totino's "party pizze" plus four frozen burritos last afternoon, while not vomiting in the morning when hydrating.

I am pretty sure that these products are produced with enough (i) various electrolytes and enough micronutrients to be satisfactory (ii) a (barely) acceptable balance of macronutrients (fat, sugars, and fiber (iii) low-enough bulk in quantity to not distend the stomach or (as of right now) the upper colon (iv) probably not enough microbes to make you ill with various food poisonings.

That's the facts.

I find myself craving something simple, broth and bread.

Problems: haven't had any bread in the house in months, and don't know when I will find time to make proper broth.

Hmm....

A few people at the Amazon warehouse keep a running tally of how many InstaPots (InstantPots?) — you know, that fad gadget that's half-slow-cooker, half-pressure-cooker — they see per shift.

Anyway, it's a lot. Nice square boxes they come in. Not too heavy. Even the girls can lift them.

I still have my 20-qt stainless-steel stock pot, though. I don't find it difficult to make broth. I just would rather not. ETA For example, a tray or several of supermarket chicken thighs, desired root and aromatic vegetables, and time. And about twelve hours, most of it unattended. I'd rather get five gallons of wine started, but that takes more than eight->twelve hours.

Lots of skimming of fat involved, and never ever let it boil, or else something bad happens. EETA something with the fat and the water, and you're not supposed to. That's all I know.

Why no baking bread? If one isn't too concerned about shaping the loaf, it's about the easiest thing there is. Mix leavener/yeast, flour, water, salt. I've forgotten the technical terms, but put it in the fridge or out on the counter for a day or two, then just pour it into a pan. At least you'll get a focaccia out of it.

Don't put it in a loaf pan, with a dough with 85-90% water, though. It won't cook right. That's not a sandwich-bread kind of formula, more I think over 85% hydration is more an "artisanal" loaf (or can/should be), but it's been years since I've cooked for fun.

I think it's reasonable to work on a nice ciabatta -- IIRC that's about 88% hydration, and the dough has to be formed correctly (you make a square, basically, and sort of fold in the corners like a paper airplane....never mind, I'm sure there's better instructions).

But a few cast iron skillets, a 90% hydrated dough, properly aged, and a hot oven, and you just pour the dough in.

Nobody would refuse the product, especially after cooking.

All right, it's settled.

Eating one "family size" bag of spiral-cut potato "fries" or however Dan Quayle is spelling it will motivate your bowels, private Pyle. That's one bag quod diem, not counting liquids, but no other solids.

And actually, in a pleasant manner.

One evacuates as does a wild animal, in "one fell swoop," in reference to legendary outdoorsman Ray Jardine and one of his comments in his magnum opus.

I recommend the Kroger store brand. They can be microwaved and they're just fine.

I've repeated this experiment five or six times, and the results, for me, are invariant and predictable.

So tell all your friends, and don't tell your enemies, because they don't deserve such good advice.

Do not eat six hot dogs and a pound of ground beef, even if they are of good quality, in a sitting.

One may not think so, but IME there will be some unpleasantness in the few days or mornings that follow.

One whole fried chicken. And a beer.

That's a good meal.

Also, canned beef hash. I don't remember what brand.

A very substantial meal, with no unpleasant gastric-system effects as the material is digested.

Don't eat two cans in a sitting, though. It is a heavy product, although I find it satisfactory.

Fascinating.

I'd forgotten how good salads are.

Provided you put enough crap on the lettuces or even kale, like dressings, pre-cooked bacon crumbles, chicken pieces, and all that.

There was an epigram by Martial where he advised some "uptight" "frenemy" of his to "eat lettuce!" In order to relieve his constipated asshole-like behavior. I have no memory of anything else about that one, just some explanatory note from the Loeb edition, IIRC.

But I'll be damned, it works.

Ausgezeichnet!

El Monterey "Ghost Pepper" frozen chimichangas.

No, they're not crazy hot, but they have about the amount of chile heat you'd expect from a restaurant or taco joint if you say "I want it spicy like a drunk man likes it."

Unusual to have actually spicy food from a standard supermarket.

I will be very sad if some little bitch complains and they stop stocking this item.

Little friendly advice: don't eat two McChickens, two hash browns, and three chimichangas. Not unless your idea of "going to work" in the morning involves sitting on the toilet quite a bit.

Two liters of wine, two pints of beer, and a pint of whiskey probably doesn't help either. But while I find alcohol has a mild laxative effect, at least for me, most of the liquid is expelled via sweat or urine. ETA the acidic quality of alcohols can induce vomiting as it works through the stomach, usually many hours later. Usually not, but I find it unpleasant, in addition to reducing the amount of pure branch water one's stomach can hold.

But, look, ma! No vomit! Just problems in the colon.

But on the bright side, no blood in the stool.

I count that a victory.

Don't eat two Red Baron frozen pizzas in a sitting.

You will not feel good.

Unless you're John Goodman.

However, I've decided I'm not entirely unhappy about the German WWI iconography. The Dual Monarchy did get a little out of hand during its long period of collapse, and certainly not "too big to fail." And while the French love (at least in semi-recent history) US President Wilson, they also love Jerry Lewis. Meh, I can roll with a Kraut flying ace from the early days of aviation — at least he wasn't a Nazi or a Japanese or something.

If you're considering eating a can of "tamales," I'd say...go for it, but it's not that good.

They're not so bad, but I'd call that a "novelty food," rather than a "food," which is still not as good as regular food.

OTOH handling masa and dealing with cornhusks is not that much fun, according to me. So, maybe is OK.

//ETA

Oh, yeah, also, despite what you might think, eating two pounds of "Li'l Smokies" "sausages" is not that bad.

After more than twenty-four hours, I have not had a complaint.

I don't recommend them, but I find it to be an acceptable food substitute.

I may have mentioned this before recently, but in case there's anyone who isn't clear on this matter: it's not generally a great idea to eat a non-single-serving bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos in one sitting.

I knew this from last week, and yet I repeated the error today.

I recommend setting the alarm clock for two hours earlier to allow for proper evacuation in the morning.

They are pretty good, though.

Just make sure to avoid having the neckbeard, and erase all evidence from your clothes and other accoûtrements. Otherwise it gets into a whole weird area.

All right, here's the way it is.

I don't know if it was the pre-packaged "Eyetalian cold-cuts sandwich blend" or the six Hebrew National franks I ate about six or eight hours ago, with whole wheat buns.

Personally, I blame the franks, because the Italian shit was vacuum sealed and I ate most of it over thirty-six hours ago. Whereas the Jewish wieners, plus the bread, about eight hours ago to the minute, and believe you me, I can tell when something is going on downstairsnikeh.

Courtesy of of Leo Rosten.

But I'm living testament to the facts that (i) hot dogs do not explode in a microwave (ii) who knows WTH is in those motherfuckers (iii) same goes for the bread, these hot dog buns and stuff (iv) don't eat too much, it's probably bad for you.

So, in honor of me probably making a beer run later....naw...thinking while pouring a glass....wow. Apparently I can still drink thirty-four servings of alcohol in about nine hours or so, while in the meantime doing laundry, vomiting, eating, fixing, sight-reading Debussy, playing free-form jazz and blues until my forearms ache....

Well.

Never mind all that, I think I've earned my weekly shower.

And buy some new 2B, 4B, and 6B pencil leads at the art store tomorrow, and possibly a beer at the bar in the morning, and maybe a game of pool against myself.

And yes, I am now the living embodiment of Andy Capp.

Doing a long double shift today, I was kind of disappointed nobody asked me what I had for lunch.

Someone did ask, "You have lunch?"

But I didn't get to say my true answer, which is, "salty nuts, of course!" True. A few handfuls of smoked, salted almonds. And some coffee.

Well, only the native English speakers would have got the joke, but, it's still funny.

Sort of.

OK, it's not that funny. But it's a good thing to say.

Hmm.

Past month I've been eating a lot of junk food (frozen burritos, pizzas) mixed in with some real food (not, maybe, healthy granola/quinoa, but at least food that, had I not bought it at the store, I could have made at home: sausages, tortillas, cheese, peppers). I can't "make" milk and meat at home (and, no, don't even ask: pretty sure not, let's say!) nor mill grains, and I don't grow spices and such, but, you know, in principle, those are whole foods. Oh, I also can't grow coffee here, but I've been cutting back a lot.

Lately been eating more of the latter, sleeping better.

I just realized, hungry as I've been all day, did a hard shift at work, came home, what have I consumed?

About four or five beers while playing pool and socializing before work. Eleven or twelve beers since I got back.

Hmmm.

Doesn't seem too good, but at least I'm seeing the clock and knowing I want a good eight hours sleep, I'm not going to prepare anything.

Oh well.

If you want to make an omelette. you have to crack some eggs.

At least I'm not smoking cigs chez moi, just my pipe tobacco.

Oh well.

I guess there's some folks who eat to live, and some who live to eat.

Meh, I consumed enough sugars today, and worked my ass off for quite a few hours, without pause, so, I guess I'll survive. This isn't Dachau or some shit.

Well that was not my most healthy eating day, yesterday!

Two smallish bags of flamin hot Cheetos (they were on sale, motherfucker), about half of a 1.75L bottle of whiskey, and a small amount of Coca-Cola.

Oh. And a few glasses of white wine before work, plus a few cups of coffee.

That's really not a model of what kind of foods to eat.

Oh well, I survived and live on to fight another day!

Perfect is the enemy of good!

Oh, fucking shit!

Why I've been drinking handles of whiskey when I could have gone back to the old caucasian?

Shit.

I used to love that shit, back in the days before cable TV and fast internet.

Just a pint glass, put some ice in it, vodka, some creme de cacao, and some half-half or whole milk.

Shit, motherfucker, I don't even know if I'd seen the movie then. Must have. I'd did three months of bartending "school" in NYC but they didn't teach us that fruity crap. White Russian, sure, grasshoppers, all the cream drinks.

Not that way I was making them back second year grad school after my fellowship.

Fuck.

Next time I hit the liquor store, get some crappy vodka, and their shittiest creme de cacao and I'll amuse myself by trying to see if I can drain the gallon of whole milk per week I use for coffee before I run dry.

That sounds like a really reasonable plan to me.

Meh, my shifts are only four hours these days, so who gives a shit, right?

Pabst Blue Ribbon "Hard Coffee."

Not bad at all. Supposedly being tested in like five states.

It's like eleven or twelve dollars for four 11 oz. "skinny Red Bullish" cans.

It's not like a beer at all: it tastes exactly like those canned coffee drinks, not carbonated, and I can't detect except a faint bit of the 5% ABV.

So, it's got the name cachet, but no different than if you poured a tiny bit of vodka or grain alcohol into one of those canned coffee drinks (Starbucks brand, house brand, etc).

The cans are cool looking, though.

Hmmm....

I think this might be the first time I've ever bought a respectable liquor for my own consumption. I've given some as gifts before, but not for myself.

In addition, this might be one of the few times I will not have finished a 750ml bottle before the evening is through.

Jameson Triple-Distilled (the regular Jameson).

Really only a little over twice the price of the horrible whiskeys I normally drink, and about the price of hanging out a bar and drinking cheap beer and tipping aubundantly.

I don't think I've ever bought anything for myself more "high-end" than Jim Beam rye with the yellow label.

No, no occasion. I'm just stepping up my three days of abstinence per week to four days per week.

I did find out about a delghtful Finnish infused vodka, infused with salmiak (salted-licorice candy common to a number of Nordic countries). I do not believe it can be purchased in NAmeric., but I hear that it is better to prepare it oneself rather than use an "essence of salmiak" to flavor the bottle.

Did you know that vodka will never freeze in your freezer?

Of course you did....

As a matter of fact, yes. Doesn't everyone know that?

However, as a young teenager I did find that adding water to the vodka of one's caretakers and returning it to the freezer will result in the horrible truth that teenagers are stupid. However, the resulting non-frozen bits are probably more potent in alcohol. I've never done freeze-distillation of my homemade wines or sugar-washes, not necessarily from the likelihood of the distillate retaining more methanol than desirable, but a PITA.

Besides, my freezer is full of big bags of sugar, just waiting for the time when I become short on funds and have to make my own alcoholic beverages. The glass carboy is waiting on the porch as well, as are some pretty good wine yeasts and the usual accessories. No turbo yeasts, though: I should acquire some just in case the end times are near.

ETA Certainly the salmiak candy can be purchased if one is near a store serving the interests of various Nordic populations. I have heard that a particular type, called turkinpippuri, is most desirable for infusion in vodka. I only meant that the commercial infusions are unlikely to be found in North America, perhaps.

Yes, this is safe-for-work: in fact it is a simple page which gives an extremely concise, and, in my limited experience, extremely Finnish (abrupt, concise, sturdy) recipe for the liquor in question.

No, no one I know including me has a stake in this site, it's just funny is all.

http://www.salmiakkikossu.com/

And yes, actually AMZN does sell turkinpippuri, which a certain Finn says is the only one to use for salmiakikossu, because of on account of the Swedish salmiak is not strong enough.

All right, if you bastards make it through the year, I would consider it my honor to gift you wonderful guys with some salmiakikossu, made from the real thing.

Huh. Never heard of that before: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyrkisk_peber