figure out how to save some of each paycheck in a coffee can.
Because when The Man knows what ___________________________________.
Printable View
figure out how to save some of each paycheck in a coffee can.
Because when The Man knows what ___________________________________.
your wife is smoking, he's sure to try to tax it.
As I've told my last three wives, __________________________
"you don't have to menstruate every single day."
Women, rags, and rag-pickers: now there's ________________________________.
a group I really don't wanna overgeneralize about!
General Motors, General Mills and General Patton all _______________
had some fantastic (-ally awful) ideas about industrial design.
The best thing to do if you have some GI problems is ___________________________.
to drink a gallon of pickle juice as fast you can. Works every time!
I'm always happy to give bad medical advice; in fact, _____________________
pickle juice is something people drink.
The first time I saw someone pickle brine, I about __________________________.
lost my lunch.
Have you seen my lunch? I'm pretty sure ________________
there was either a woman or a baby in that soup.
I eat any kind of soup, no matter _____________________________.
how often the CIA threatens my cats (in secret messages they send through my tooth fillings) if I choose the chunky chicken vegetable.
I swear, if the CIA doesn't lay off me, I'm gonna ____________
tell them their boss has a bunch of pills, a handgun, and a bottle of Listerine on his desk.
The only person who ever put "CIA" on her business card was _____________________________.
my Great Aunt Edna, but what the hell, other than a stint in the OSS during World War II, she was usually delusional.
The last delusional episode I had, ______________________
I was convinced that every fertile woman had a lady-boner dedicated to me.
The second one starts generalizing about women's behavior, _______________________________.
you can be assured that you're missing some key exceptions, 'cause they're all different, amiright?
I think it's about time I took up mountain-climbing again, because ______________________
there are some really good lady climbers who make a good sauce.
It takes a special kind of woman to enter the __________________________________
gladiatorial games of Ancient Rome, once the time machines are up and running again.
I had, have and/or will have a time machine once, but _____________
my pet Sherman spilled purple drank all over the controls, for he is, although docile, an imbecile.
Mr. Peabody insists men should not wear shorts that are ___________________________.
open at the crotch, as it is unacceptable in certain cultures. Well, most of them, actually.
I hate it when I have to go buy crotchless panties for my Great Aunt Edna, because ________________________
she makes me try them on and model them for her, and then complains that I stretched out the fabric.
Dogs should not have pet boys, because ______________________________.
sooner or later a pretty girl from some post-apocalyptic underground city is gonna end up eaten.
I like to play Verdi while I'm ____________
wearing a kicky neckerchief and having a Campari and soda on the terrace.
Give a woman a dog, a tub of peanut butter, and she's ___________________________.
gonna demand three million dollars, two stoats and a machete.
I immediately got that reference to a pretty girl from some post-apocalyptic underground city; it was from _____________________
well, there was a pool in it somewheres, and also something about science fiction.
When I open a tray of "Hot Italian" fresh sausages, the last thing I want is her to be __________________________________.
holding back from making any tasteless and offensive Dago jokes.
(It was from A Boy and His Dog - sf, yes, but I don't remember anything about a pool)
Tasteless and offensive ethnic humor has its place, I think, especially when ____________
those people have it coming and deserve a good ribbing.
The only time "good ribbing for those people" is acceptable to say is _________________________.
when you're going to a BBQ and don't mind having sticky fingers at the end.
I never drink beer with BBQ; instead I'd rather have __________________
a nice juicy watermelon, with a good woman to feed me smoked brisket while I recline.
Pulling pork is something that should only be done __________________________________.
when accompanied by a squad of Latvian paratroopers, three Japanese ninjas and an Inuit bowler.
Inuit bowlers know all the best _________________
ice flows upon which to set those who don't obey league rules.
Best reason to join an amateur "sporting" league: ______________________________ but then, _______________________________.
free beer... you'll recognize everyone at that week's AA meeting.
I would never go to an event just for free beer; of course, _____________
there's beer and then there's beer.
The phrase "sticky fingers" is oddly _______________________.
evocative, even if you're not a Rolling Stones fan: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sticky_Fingers
I don't own that album, but _______________
that's because I'm totally hating on good music.
Marianne Faithfull probably did _______________________________.
not pay extra for the surplus "L" in her last name.
When I want to buy an extra letter, I just ____________________
call Vanna White while pretending to be Mickey Rourke: lots of heavy breathing and sudden angry outbursts, and some fits of spastic crying.
Before I admit to sexual misdeeds, I like to ____________________________.
keep pretending to be Mickey Rourke and blame everything on the traumatic experience of filming Angel Heart.
The last time I saw a scary movie like that, _____________________
I began to worship Robert De Niro, like a god.
The day I stop recycling neutral-smelling clothes between laundry days is the day ________________________________________.
any of my six wives actually offers to do laundry for me.
Having six wives isn't all beer and skittles; sometimes _________________
they start acting all womanly and cat-fighty, and not in the good way.
Still, six wives is better than six husbands, because ___________________________.
I'm a heterosexual dude and have no interest in having one husband, let alone six. I mean, jeez.
Thinking about it, though, if I had six husbands, I'd probably _______________
attach leg-irons and compel them to perform manual labor I don't wish to perform.
The nice thing about women and manual labor is that ________________________________.
they're usually more than happy to let you do it.
I hope to be able to sleep in tomorrow morning, but ______________
there's these damned things I gotta do.
I once called a woman "The Beast of Yucca Flats": she _____________________________.
insisted I have sex with her much more attractive nympho sister, but I found some lame excuse not to.
Now that I think of it, my excuse ____________
probably saved me from syphilis.
Of all the STDs, the one that _____________________________.
I really don't want to get is Altairian crotchrot. And to think one doctor told me it didn't even exist!
Next time you're on Altair IV, be sure to _____________
make sure you're not mistaken for Alsatian.
Alsatian-French are a bunch of ___________________________.
wonderful people, without exception, and I just wish we could clone the lot of 'em so there'd be even more.
The next time I visit Alsace, I must remember to ___________
not bring up the topic of religion, and not make fun of their accents.
The nice thing about Alsatian beer is that ______________________________.
I've never had any.
Alsatians can get particularly touchy about beer, religion, clown porn and ____________________