Mal: "Girl knows things. Things she shouldn't. Things she couldn't."
Jayne: "What, are you— are you sayin' she's a witch?"
Firefly
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Mal: "Girl knows things. Things she shouldn't. Things she couldn't."
Jayne: "What, are you— are you sayin' she's a witch?"
Firefly
“I come from a country that raises corn and cotton and cockleburs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I’m from Missouri. You’ve got to show me."
— Willard D. Vandiver
Wash (sarcastically): "Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with the Beast."
Jayne: "She's in Congress?"
Wash: "How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so curious."
Firefly
"Pick up the phone, you reindeer goat cheese-eating bastard."
— Hudson Hawk
Wash: "Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."
Zoe: "We live in a spaceship, dear."
Wash: "So...?"
Firefly
"The thing about a shark, it's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When it comes at you it doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites you, and those black eyes roll over white."
— Jaws
Jayne: "Well… I don't like the idea of someone hearin' what I'm thinkin'."
Inara: "No one likes the idea of hearing what you're thinking."
Firefly
"You didn't tell me that this was for children. I hate children. I'd raise money to have the little fuckers put down. I want me money back!"
— Shallow Grave (1994 film)
Simon: "She's just a kid! And she just wants to be a... kid."
Mal: "I wish it were that simple."
Jayne: "Yeah, and if wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak."
Firefly
"Well, Brian McKinley, if you want to talk to my girlfriend you talk to me first. If you want to dance with her, then you apply in writing three weeks in advance or you're going to end up inside a fucking bin-bag. You didn't apply so you don't dance."
— Christopher Eccleston's character in Shallow Grave
Simon: "So you're a bounty hunter."
Early: "No, that ain't it at all."
Simon: "Then what are you?"
Early: "I'm a bounty hunter."
Firefly
"One time the guy who played Mr. Belvedere sat on his own balls and they had to stop filming for a couple of days."
— Patrick Monahan
Simon: "You're outta your mind."
Early: "That's between me and my mind."
Firefly
"You don't know any stories? All right, I'll tell you one. This is a newspaper right? Its 90% bullshit, but it's entertaining. That's why I read it: because it entertains me. You won't let me read it, so: you entertain me with your bullshit. Tell me a story right now, go."
— Training Day
Early: "You ever been shot?"
Simon: "No."
Early: "You oughta be shot. Or stabbed. Lose a leg. To be a surgeon, you know? Know what kind of pain you're dealing with. They make psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get certified, but they don't make a surgeon get cut on. That seem right to you?"
Firefly
“Testosterone is more about instinctive functions known as the four Fs — fighting, fleeing, feeding and… mating — which is what the hormone was meant to do hundreds of millions of years ago.”
— quote of unknown origin found in my fancy clipboard linux widget
Early: "Man is stronger by far than woman, yet only woman can create a child - does that seem right to you?"
Firefly
"If one can avoid the most unprofessional, deranged "bartender" I've ever had the displeasure of being "served" by, Janice, this place could have potential.
Erratic, incompetent staff are the dangers that lurk within an otherwise fine establishment."
— a random Yelp review by an unknown reviewer
Early: "All right, that's all the hide-and-seek I got time for. [shouting] I know you're on this ship, little girl! Here's how this goes: show yourself and finish this exchange, or your brother's brains'll be flyin' every whichaway! [normal tone] You understand, I'm sort of on the clock here. It's frustrating."
Firefly
"He's a maniac, maniac, he just moved next door
He'll kill your cat and nail it to the floor"
— first draft of some lyrics from the song "Maniac" (from the movie *Flashdance*)
Early: "Where'd she go?"
Simon: "I can't keep track of her when she's not incorporeally possessing a spaceship; don't look at me."
Firefly
"If you raise [the price of] the effing hot dog, I will kill you."
— Costco CEO Jim Sinegal
Early: "You folks are all insane."
Simon: "Well… my sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood."
Firefly
"Nothing to 'get over.' You're barely a person, and we never had a relationship. You're a barely ambulant infection, an object to be treated in whatever ways amuse me. Just as you always were."
— part of a final text from somebody
River: "I know you have questions."
Mal: "That would be why I just asked them."
Firefly
"Don’t piss off old people.The older we get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent."
— folksy saying seen on a sweatshirt
Early: "You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this girl is the smallest cargo I've ever had to transport, yet by far the most troublesome. Does that seem right to you?"
Simon: "What'd he do?"
Early: "Who?"
Simon: "The midget."
Early: "Arson. Little man loved fire."
Firefly
"Readers serious about mastering the game [of pool] should drop out of school, quit their jobs, and get a divorce."
— Robt. Byrne, Byrne's New Standard Book of Pool and Billiards
Early: "Well, I'll be a son of a whore. You're not in my gorram mind. You're on my gorram ship!"
Firefly
"Seventy-five percent of American "gamers" -- people who play video games -- are older than 18 and nevertheless are allowed to vote."
— George F. Will, "Demon Denim"
Wash: "Can I mop your brow? I am at the ready with the fearsome brow mop."
Firefly
“Worm holes in coffee beans are not sufficient cause for rejecting the beans. They add no weight and disappear when the beans are ground.”
Lowell Thomas. This Side of Hell, biography of Dan Edwards. Concerns Army regulations.
Inara: "Any chance that shiong-mung duh kwong-run [violent lunatic] might survive?"
Mal: "Air he had left, I'd say his chance'd be about one in… a very large number."
Firefly
"These body parts are what an Aries guy finds most attractive in the opposite sex, and they might be his best features or the parts most prone to illness."
— some astrology website
River: "People don't like to be meddled with. We tell them what to do, what to think. Don't run, don't walk. We're in their homes and in their heads and we haven't the right. We're meddlesome."
Serenity (the Firefly movie)
"Well, thank you! Appreciate all you do! You stay safe out there!"
— some old Texas dickhead at work, one of his many folksy phrases.
River (after a particularly exciting high-speed aerial chase): "I swallowed a bug."
Serenity
"Demonstrate Value
Engage Physically
Neglect Emotionally
Inspire Hope
Separate Entirely"
— the "DENIS" system of achieving success, courtesy of *Always/Sunny/Philadelphia"
Mal: "I look out for me and mine. That don't include you 'less I conjure it does. Now you stuck a thorn in the Alliance's paw. That tickles me a bit. But it also means I got to step twice as fast to avoid them and that means turning down plenty of jobs. Even honest ones. Put this crew together with the promise of work, which the Alliance makes harder every year. Come a day there won’t be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all. This job goes south, there well may not be another. So here is us, on the raggedy edge. Don't push me, and I won't push you."
Serenity
"I walk over and point at the spot on the ball then as I walk back I never take my eyes off that spot. I don't blink. I'm STALKING that object ball."
— Johnny Archer, pool player
Mal: "This is how it is. Anybody doesn't wanna fly with me anymore, this is your port of harbor. There's a lot of fine ways to die. I ain't waiting for the Alliance to choose mine. I mean to confound these bungers. Take my shot at getting to Miranda. Maybe find something I can use to get clear of this. So I hear a word out of any of you that ain't helping me out or taking your leave, I will shoot you down."
Serenity
"We discovered aries is a fire sign. So naturally, you’re going to be drawn to foods with a bold, spicy flavor . When we think of Aries, we immediately think of chicken wings."
— some blogger blathering and bloviating.
Mal (to a foe): "Sorry about the throat. Expect you'd want to say your famous last words right now. Just one trouble: I ain't gonna kill you. Hell, I'm gonna grant your greatest wish! I'm gonna show you a world without sin."
Serenity
"Okay, the dick lines up straight like that right? To the right of it and to the left of it are pockets, right? In those pockets are money. Look in either one of 'em, pay the bill."
— Training Day
Zoe: "We crashing again?"
Serenity
"Taking Vagifirm consistently & regularly is key to getting your desired results!"
— unknown source
Zoe: "Do you know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed. You can look it up later."
Serenity
Demonstrate Value
Engage Physically
Neglect Emotionally
Inspire Hope
Separate Entirely
— The "DENIS" method of seduction, according to TV program "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
Zoe (sarcastically, after a small vault is opened to reveal very little money): "At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime."
Serenity
"23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them."
— 2 Kings II:23-24, KJV. (Trust me, there are elaborate late medieval and early modern period illustrations of this tale.)