Finish my sentence!

Edna! Edna! The hen party has begun! Keep sentries on high alert."

Nice thing about having Arthur Fonzarelli and Dean Martin as role models is that __________________________________________________

, along with Anthony Fauci, Frank Sinatra and Antonin Scalia, you have a substantial fraction of the Italian American Hall of Fame in your corner.

The last time I visited the IAHOF, the admission charge had gone up to ten bucks. Naturally, I __________________________________________

found an ethnic-looking woman, borrowed about ten children from a local schoolyard, and went with her and them to the office to complain loudly

The only time you can text twice in a row to a woman is when ______________________________________________

you texted something so shockingly offensive the first time that you have to do immediate damage control.

My flying car's turbofans are a little louder than usual; I'm thinking maybe ________________________________________

I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a ’64 Impala.

The only bad thing about drinking Black Bush at a bar is _____________________________

when some big, ugly biker guy comes over and says you were making eyes at his skanky biker girl, and you were, but you didn't think he'd noticed, and he says he hates anyone who drinks Black Bush, and you just know that all the sweet talk in the world ain't gonna make this go away.

When that happens to me, well, naturally I say a little prayer and then just _____________________________

lie back and think of England: it's always a good ride.

Saying to a literal drag queen in full drag, with whom one is close friends, about some interlopers on the pool table her, I and two others were playing, "Meh, bunch of faggots," should not have entailed __________________________________________________

an armed attack by the local branch of the Second Amendment LGBTQI Pool League.

This Christmas Day, unlike all previous ones, I finally got around to __________________

being consumed by annoyance at thin-skinned people.

The best response to an inappropriate slur in a public place is to say, "Oh yeah, well _______________________"

: I'm rubber and you're glue - anything you say bounces off me and sticks to you!" Then stick your tongue out at them to underline the message: I am a mature adult.

I've often asked Pee-wee Herman for advice on how to deal with the perils and pitfalls of modern American life, and all in all I've found that he ____________________

only cares about three things: his bicycle, Dottie, and Speck.

I thought about dressing up as Richard Speck for Halloween, but then someone said _____________________________

, "Aren't there more recent and more readily-recognizable serial killers you could pretend to be?"

The good people of Belgium know and love me, especially because when I'm there, I always _____________________________________

make sure to taunt the Flemish in French, and gird myself for a beer-fueled fistfight: trust me, they love it.

The great thing about having a boxer's fracture in one's dominant hand is that __________________________

it gives you a convenient excuse to have a Sherpa with you at all times to do dominant-handed things for you.

Interviewing and hiring Sherpas can be a pain in the ass, it's true, but trust me, ___________________

I saw a former she-Sherpa today and, believe you me, they're pretty intensely passive-aggressive, bless their hearts.

The one thing talking over the two-way radio has over using the megaphone to give direction is that it ___________________________________

can be a bit more private, as well as not annoying the neighbors or causing any nearby souffles to fall.

If Betty White had made it to her 100th birthday, bless her, I really hope she would've __________________________________________

invoked an ancient gypsy curse against Elon Musk, after accepting an offer of a ride into space: you see, she would have been disappointed at the duration of her flight.

Involuntarily subtle facial ticks sometimes occur when encountering __________________________________

someone who mistakes tics for ticks.

This time next week I should be in Cairo, Egypt, where I naturally plan to eat drink 'way too much, ride a camel, see the pyramids and ___________________________

correct the spelling of the people while burying one's head in the warm lap of a sun-toasted native.

The only days I refrain from muttering "I'm getting too old for this shit" are days when _________________________________

Danny Glover is nearby, and says it first.

Mel Gibson has a thing for strawberry ice cream, oddly enough, and has been known to _____________________________________

favor the Neapolitan, because he is a shocker chocolate lover.

I always say "Yo <insert name >! <insert quick question>?" at high volume and with maximum expedience because ___________________________________

that's how I learn what I gotta know in a hurry. Word.

The next time somebody uses the word "shenanigans," I swear to God, I'm gonna _________________________________

seriously consider going down on her, freshly washed or not, because that word is indispensable!

TNP should probably avoid smoking some of a 28% THC joint at home, for future reference, because ______________________________________

he lacks a medical marijuana card and has no plans (or need) to get one.

TNP has seen this classic movie moment about shenanigans: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNPW2wZ4D2s

And wonders WTH who or what is a "TNP," exactly?

The only reason I've avoided getting into fistfights in public recently is that my would-be assailants are _______________________________.

so addled, they mix up the "Finish my sentence" threads with the "The next person" threads!

When I first saw Super Troopers, the very funny Vermont cop comedy, I laughed so hard that ________________

I actually pistol whipped the next guy that [sic] said 'shenangians.'

Once upon a time, like, say, recently, it was said that shouting "WOOOHOOOO!!!!" was redolent of _____________________________

the misty, lush morning mist drifting across an Irish meadow. Or was that Blawnox?

I've long hoped to visit Blawnox, Pa. and sample its many cultural and artistic delights, but so far, _____________________________________

all I found was McClintock spanking Maureen O'Hara, and it was decidedly unalluring.

When I bantered with a coworker whom I hadn't seen in a few weeks, I almost felt guilty about looking at her ass, in a discreet fashion; I then remembered that she __________________________________

gave me a sly smile and a definite wiggle when she last caught me doing it, and then I felt a bit better.

I never have time to read the paper anymore. Instead, I _______________________

occasionally pick one up for the crossword puzzle, and as material for making rudimentary hats.

There is no good reason to avoid "flexing" by demonstrating extraordinary grit and skill, even when one's only audience are married, uninterested, or "involved" women, except but that __________________________________________________ __

one should never do it for cardiothoracic surgeons, French chefs, school crossing guards and/or traffic cops who might thus be distracted from their important duties.

Tomorrow night I'll be having a Zoom chat with some high school friends; I sure hope, for once, that George doesn't _____________________

flash the little sizzler on the broadcast channel, because it's no good!

Mirabile dictu, the greatest thing about commuting in extremely dense fog at 0 dark thirty is that __________________________________________.

I can finally use the Army-surplus targeting radar I had installed on my car.

If I have to take part in one more damn Zoom session on a topic I don't care about, I swear I'll ____________________

whip it out just like Lyndon Johnson.

Dr. Octagonecologyst is one of the best people to search out ______________________________________________

new life and new civilizations... you know, after the gallant crew of the USS Enterprise have had a shot.

In my next life, I'd like to be a combination rap star/bricklayer/podiatrist/________________________________________.

cleanser-of-optical lenses/keyboard mechanic.

The last time I dumped a full twenty ounces of white wine onto a digital keyboard, I figured _______________________________________

the dramatic sparks alone made it worth the expense of a new $%^&! keyboard.

Sometimes, I've heard it said, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints in the morning; but if you ask me, ___________________

the girl's got rhythm, indeed a backseat rhythm.

She give me first degree, enough to satisfy me, said this bloke who __________________________

then insisted on discussing the collected works of Soren Kierkegaard with me for, jeez, I don't know, like two or three hours.

Unless I'm in a graduate seminar on Christian philosophy, I'd just as soon ________________

keep procrastinating at reading Augustine's *Civitas Dei*.

The good thing about Aquinas's *Summa Theologica* is that it really makes the ladies ___________________________________________

swoon and pant for more when I read aloud from it in my deepest manly voice.

I keep thinking about pepperoni pizza, but then I remember that it's Monday and _____________________________________

rejoice in that I have a fresh frozen pepperoni pizza in the freezer, ready to be "cooked"!

The bad thing about miscommunications over two-way radios is that sometimes one's interlocutor ________________________________

is being hunted down by Waffen-SS troops and gives his position away at exactly the wrong moment.

The last time I took my time machine back to March 3, 1943, let me tell you, I ________________________________________________

was like, "Whu?" and say to myself, what?

Getting some strange off a nice lady is OK but after all night, the neck and shoulders is sore as _____________________________

you would probably expect from being locked in a passionate grip for just a bit too long by the aforementioned nice lady.

I've been learning about the fictional French detective Maigret, who seems somewhat similar to Columbo of the LAPD, including his habit of ________________

rocking a pretty mean overcoat.

Good thing about men with large appetites is that their women ____________________________

tend to be talented cooks who are pleased to share their culinary talents with friends. Not always, but pretty often, in my experience.

Well, Monday is almost over, and I haven't even once __________________________________________________ _____

smelled that good woman smell on my fingers for a few days.

But now that it's Thursday, I still got some smell of ___________________________________________

crispy apple fritters clinging to me from my Great Aunt Edna's semiweekly marathon frying session.

The first thing most people notice about my Great Aunt Edna is how broad-shouldered she is, and the second thing is what a big laugh she has. The third thing, usually, is _____________________