Say it sans "e" (you can, you know)

In Steve Martin's poignant and delightful book "The Pleasure of My Company", there is a marvelous description of how the narrator decides to complete an entire road trip uttering only phrases that do not use the letter "e". His success at this peculiar endeavor is charming, hilarious, and heartwarming.

Based on that book (which I highly recommend), here is a game: state a simple phrase, such as "I need to go to the toilet". The next poster must phrase the same sentiment without an e ("I need to go to the toilet" = "I must find a bathroom"), and suggest a challenge for the next poster.

Another example:

simple phrase - "I can't believe I ate that!"
same idea stated without an e - "I can't grok my consumption of that food."

Ready? Here's my challenge:

"I'm so embarrassed that I farted."

And the e-less version is ....????

Stinky gas from my bottom? My mood is so low now. :(

De-E this:
"Nuclear fusion is impossible, a pipedream"

Fusing atoms as a practical solution will only occur in Sandman's domain.

De-E: "Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the waves..."

PS: Nice game, Hatshepsut

That's a hard one for us non-Brits; to paraphrase Princess Bride, I'm not sure that line means what I think it means. But I'll try:

UK is triumphant; no tyrants from abroad can boss us around.

De-E: I'd like to ask her out, but I'm afraid she would reject me.

Cowardly I am, downwind from faith, for though I lust for this fair maid I can't simply ask for a show and a blowjob, for what if "no" confounds my loins?

De-E: I love the smell of napalm in the morning

Quote:

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Originally posted by AllWalker

Cowardly I am, downwind from faith, for though I lust for this fair maid I can't simply ask for a show and a blowjob, for what if "no" confounds my loins?

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That's AWESOME.

I'm joyous at odors of napalm in morning's light. (Alternatively, though it is a bit of a cheat: I <3 odors of napalm....)

De-E: Sorry, not tonight dear - I have a headache.

I cannot mon amour, not at this hour of night, for my skull pounds to the sound of a mighty drum.

De-E: Never mind the quantity, feel the quality.

Quote:

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Originally posted by CatInASuit

I cannot mon amour, not at this hour of night, for my skull pounds to the sound of a mighty drum.

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That is also awesome.

"Never mind the quantity, feel the quality" becomes the e-less: Think not of quantity, focus your soul on quality.

De-E: "To lose one parent is a tragedy; to lose two smacks of carelessness."

No mama, that's sad. No mama, no papa, that's not payin' no mind.

De-E: No man is a hero to his valet.

(VERY clever game!)

A boon companion and assistant will know just too much to worship his boss.

I was going to ask the next person to De-E "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country," but I realized it already lacks any "e"s! So:

De-E: I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country.

(I think this group should, as a group, do a follow-up book to Gasdby.)

I am only sorry that I claim as my own but a singular vital animation to lavish upon my country.


De-E: In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

All folks pay Boss Man. All folks nap in dirt. All.

DE-E: When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.

A man who shows no joy at London's sights has lost his will to grab satisfaction from anything.


De-e: One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.

A small footfall for man, a giant jump for humanity.

De-e: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

Float as a wingly worm, sting as a good colony work girl.

(I am a good work... guy) :D

De-E:
When bored, I like to visit my friends at Mellophant.

If casting about for distraction, I'm happy to visit pals at Bo's Board.

De-E: The teen years can be a difficult yet rewarding time for parents.

Kids just shy of adulthood can try, but also bring joy, to folk who brought said offspring into this world.

De-E: I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me.

Why would I want to join a club that would allow humans of my standard in? Obviously this club is sub-par.

De-E: I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Amazing am I, O Customs man, and thus shall I say to all who might want to know!

De-E: If I were your husband, madam, I would drink it.

For marrying you, lady, I say: pass that poison this way.

De-E: Yes, Simba, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connnected in the great Circle of Life.

No doubt, Simba, but allow your dad to confirm for you. On dying our mortal souls transform into grass, and mammals that lions hunt chomp said grass. And so all is unity in a mighty Ring of Biology.

De-E: Something tells me we haven't seen the last of foreshadowing.

All signs point to additional hints of coming plot twists thrust at us again and again.

De-E: If I've got that kind of power over time and space, what the hell am I doing here talking to a loser like you at 3 in the morning?

(Context, in case it's useful: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEdRi3-4eE0)

(Great SNL fake ad. I miss Phil Hartman!).

If I could do such amazing things, chronologically and spatially, why would I talk to idiots such as you from two to four a.m. on any morning?

De-E: I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.

I do, without flippancy, vow (or affirm) that I will faithfully carry out all functions of Main Honcho of this Nation, and will to my utmost capacity, guard, uphold and sustain its Constitution.

De-E: But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract.

Our words don't sanctify this ground. Our warriors did.

De-E:

In the wee small hours of the morning, while the whole wide world is fast asleep, you lie awake, and think about the girl, and never even think of counting sheep.

In budding dawn, your thoughts stay on a girl without a lust for aid from ovids.

De-E: Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself.

If you toy with wrath, wanting to punish bad folk in a scorching hot box, you may only, finally, burn that man in your mirror.

De-E: Americans like nothing about culture so much as their speedy departure from it.

US folks think most happily about high-falutin' art and stuff at that instant of hasty withdrawal from it.

De-E: I came, I saw, I conquered.

I did go forward, took all into my sight, and lo, triumph was my lot.

De-E: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship....

That cosmic void, that last boundary. Hark you to all forays of our starship...

De-E: We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be.

Us as a group shall go on to a finality. Fighting on that mainland, fighting on big ponds, fighting with big opinions of our group and big might in air, our group shall stop bad guys coming to our island, with no thought to costs.

De-E: One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

This ring only to command all rings, this ring only to find all, this ring only to gather all rings and in pitch blackness bind all.

De-E: It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.

This, my boy, is how Sicilians say, "Luca Brasi is having a long, long nap in aquatic surroundings."

De-E: Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Forty two plus forty four autumns ago (no, that’s wrong – add a small bit so it’s odd), our dads and granddads brought forth on this land an additional country, thought of without constraints and insuring, or trying to, that all humanity is without distinction in applying its laws.

De-E: Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as if they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday.

It's Monday. On Sunday, I thought, my tribulations stay far! Now, I think pain and sorrow hold constant. My faith is in Sunday.

De-E: Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

Quote:

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Originally posted by OneCentStamp

This ring only to command all rings, this ring only to find all, this ring only to gather all rings and in pitch blackness bind all.

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Wow, I was awful in this try. On two occasions, I did drop that fifth sigil that Carol forbad us. I will try again, still trying to maintain that original rhythm. :fail:

This ring only to command all rings, this ring only to find all, this ring only to join all rings and in black shadow bind all.

Quote:

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Originally posted by artifex

De-E: Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

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Gay old Oscar said that folks shoot straight if and only on condition of anonymity.

De-E: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

If I swallow your fibs on a solitary occasion, I am a fool, and you bring dishonor upon you. But if I swallow your fibs again, I am truly at fault.

De-E: Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others which we have tried from time to time.

Lordship by mass opinion sucks, but only if not along all lordships that occur now and again.

De-E: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Not so good day to you, cur. Inigo Montoya am I. Kill my dad, would you? It is your turn to croak now.

De-E: In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth; and the earth was without form, and void.

And lo, God did split nothing, making his nirvana aloof to a land; but this land was as nothing, a void of darkness.

De-E: Never in the field of human conflict has so much been owed, by so many, to so few.

Quote:

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Originally posted by CatInASuit

And lo, God did split nothing, making his nirvana aloof to a land; but this land was as nothing, a void of darkness.

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:D

Only now, in this war of all wars, will such a lot of civilian folk thank not many combatants at all for so much.

De-E: The square on the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.

a^2 + b^2 = c^2
;)

De-E: Jehovah, we have been down to Adam and Eve and their posterity in the Telestial World, and have cast Satan out of their midst.

God, mankind (Original Sin and all) got a visit from us to humanity's world to banish Old Nick promptly to his sub-global Pit.

De-E: We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.

Borg? That's us. Fighting back will do you no good. And soon you will join us, too.

De-E: I regret that I have but one life to give for my country.

Gladly I would pass away again and again for my country. Sucks that I cannot.

De-E: What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore - And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over - like a syrupy sweet?

Nathan H. had but only a solitary soul to drop for his country, but thanks to our pal His Honor, has now lost it again. :D :D

D'oh! Well, at least someone else had a chance to take a stab at it.

What of an idyll put off too long? Will it dry like a raisin in the sun? Or turn nasty like a wound - and perhaps run? Will it stink as bad animal chunks do? Or crust and sugar over, as a syrupy yummy thing might?

De-E: With the coming of the Second World War, many eyes in imprisoned Europe turned hopefully, or desperately, toward the freedom of the Americas. Lisbon became the great embarkation point.

World War starting up again. Nazis soon going to run things from Poland to Atlantic, so runaways go to USA, or Brazil or Colombia if no option, by way of Portugal's primary city and port.

De-E:
O, East is East and West is West, and never the twain shall meet
Till Earth and Sky stand presently at God's great Judgment seat;
But there is neither East nor West, breeding nor blood nor birth
When two strong men stand face to face, though they come from the ends of the Earth!

Compass ways, no doubt, will still stay distinct, not joining
'til this world and its sky stand in front of God's mighty chair
but compass ways do not total all of the world, family or blood or birth
if two strong individuals almost touch, though such individuals hail from far-distant parts of this world!

De-E: She turned me into a newt! But I got better.

That woman did magic upon my body, such that I took on lizard form. But now I'm not a lizard.

De-E:
The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES

Naming a cat is difficult,
it isn't just a holiday thing to do;
You may think at first that I'm barking mad
but I insist to you, a cat must claim 3 DISTINCT WAYS TO CALL HIM.

De-E: For happily the Government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance, requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens.

From here: http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/...l/bigotry.html

It is no laughing thought to call a cat a cat
and not a task to play on hot sunny days
Your opinion may insist that I am mad
As I say it is known by almost four ways

De-E: Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country

Darn, ninja'd. I should not wait so long again.

See posts #10 and 53.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Elendil's Heir

See posts #10 and 53.

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D'oh :smack:

Oh well, the next one along, can pick up yours :)

Sight a post at six-plus-four, also at 53. D'oh. All is okay though, human to follow this can pick up yours.

:p

(Okay okay, seriously: )

For happily, Lords USA,
Allow nothing of bad things to say,
No racist bigots,
Will stand with our lot,
Only a good folk is worthy today

De-E: The world's smartest man poses no greater threat to me than does its smartest termite.

You can do bright human stuff, or adroitly dig burrows through dirt mounds as an albino ant might; you will not harm Doctor Manhattan anyway!

De-E: There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket;
His daughter, named Nan,
Ran off with a man -
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

An old man from an island hard by our Mass. coast
kept all his cash in a pail
his girl-child Nan
ran off with a man
and as for that pail, Nan took it!

De-E: A majority held in restraint by constitutional checks and limitations, and always changing easily with deliberate changes of popular opinions and sentiments, is the only true sovereign of a free people.

All must do as most think fit - but not all as most think fit, by law, nor for always. Allow for inconstant opinions; folk will want tomorrow what was not a want today. Do this, or you do not qualify as your own man.

De-E: An object resting in place will tend to rest in place; an object in motion will tend to move at constant speed in the same direction.

F=ma

(or less cheatingly (and more accurately)...)

A thing won't go, but if it's going it will stay going. This will remain until said thing absorbs a push, kick or jab.

De-E: Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent

Quote:

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Originally posted by AllWalker

F=ma

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Wrong Law...

Only if you fail do you hit things, animals or humans.

De-E: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Malacandra

Quote:

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Originally posted by AllWalker

F=ma

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Wrong Law...

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Hey I did say "more accurately"... :)

Quote:

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Originally posted by AllWalker

Quote:

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Originally posted by Malacandra

Quote:

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Originally posted by AllWalker

F=ma

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Wrong Law...

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Well, if by "more accurately" you mean:

given: The First Commandment: Thou shalt have no other gods before me
de-e'd: Law that's on top: do not kill anybody

would be OK on the grounds that you've paraphrased a commandment... :p

Hey I did say "more accurately"... :)

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All know, truly, that a man with lots of cash but no missus is going to want to marry a gal, and soon.

De-E: Call me Ishmael. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation.

I'm that man from Moby Dick, Ishi. I had next to no cash many moons ago, I forgot how long though, and nothing good on shore. So, I thought to sail on a whaling ship. In short, it is my way of staying calm.

De-E: Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky.

Flash, flash, tiny sunling, how I think upon your actuality. So high atop our world, as a crystal of allotropic carbon.

De-E: To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.

Khan's dying insult to Admiral Kirk.

There, no E's! OK, seriously:

In my final instants I fight with you; from a nasty underworld I stab at you; out of loathing I spit my lungs' last air at you.

De-E: We have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Nothing should author timidity but timidity on its own.

De-E: All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Elendil's Heir

Khan's dying insult to Admiral Kirk.

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(Khan quoting Captain Ahab at Kirk; I was trying to stick with our Moby Dick theme.) :D

Things apart from gold also glint, not all who sojourn stray, old stuff that is strong might not atrophy, profound roots do not chill away.

De-E: I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Afraid? Not my destiny. If I am afraid, my mind fails. If I am afraid, total ruin follows. I will confront cowardly thoughts. Panic will go around and past my mind. I will look inward to watch its path. Nothing will stay but my own soul.

(From Dune, right?)

De-E: I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

(Ironically, I am watching Bill Paxton right now, in Big Love.)

I say our job right now is to char this dump with atomic bombs from our ship in orbit. That's our only way to stamp out all bugs down on that nasty ground.

De-E: What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.

Is what I call it important? No. An aromatic but thorny bloom would still bring joy to all if you or I did call it a thing it is not.

De-E: Sir, you have a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.

Lad! A bug is on your acromion!

De-E:
To-morrow when thou leavest, what wilt thou say ?
Wilt thou then antedate some new-made vow ?
Or say that now
We are not just those persons which we were ?

Tomorrow as you go, what will you say?
Will you start with an unknown and original oath
or say that now
Both of us do not match what has past.

De-E: Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward, All in the valley of Death, Rode the six hundred.

Half an hour's walk, half an hour's walk, Half an hour's walk onward, All in the big mythic bowl of a loooooong dirt nap without conclusion, Rode a big group of doom-chasing cavalry troops.

De-E: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate;
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date....

Can I contrast you to, oh...how about July 1st?
It isn't as alluring nor as mild as you;
Spring's pulchritudinous shoots May's winds do strip,
And it's Fall way too soon, anyway...

De-E: Sand people travel single file, to hide their numbers.

Sand folk walk in a straight row, not hip to hip, so that counting how many is difficult.

De-E: I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!

I call that bold talk for a fat man with a solitary optic capability

De-E:
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

Such proximity, though you and I may stay far away
couldn't flow from my cardiac organ in any growing way
Always trusting who you and I still stay
and nothing in all of the world has any claim on us

De-E: Snakes! Why did it have to be snakes?

Boas! (Or possibly cobras or pythons!) Why must this situation sport such vermin?!

De-E: The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.

Bzzt. "Vermin" has an e.

A growing, tall plant, symbolic of all our rights, must drink occasionally of the blood of patriots and tyrants.

De-E: Fondly do we hope, fervently do we pray, that this mighty scourge of war may speedily pass away.

:fail: stupid snaky varmints

It is our fond wish, and our burning petition, that this mighty affliction of war may quickly pass away.

De-E: It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.

Bzzt. "Petition" has an e, too.

I am doing a truly good thing now, which I did not do at all on any prior occasion; and will also savor a truly good balm that I did not on any prior occasion.

De-E: Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way.

Follow, walk in front, or exit our path.

De-E: Avengers assemble!

Holy crap, I suck. :fail: :fail:

Iron Man, Thor, Captain USA, Black Widow, and Bow Guy...amass!

De-E: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair

All was contradictory in that day, both good and bad in many ways - so puzzling, I must say!

De-E: Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!

Cop tags? Stinkin' cop tags would boast no utility to us in this situation!

De-E: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants! Absorbent and yellow and porous is he! Spongebob Squarepants!

Who has his casa far down in global agua? You know who! Dry and canary and porous is that small guy! Truly, you know who!

De-E: There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots.

I sang that just now, to his actual cartoon intro aria, and it was damn amusing. :D

Pilots might sport brass balls, or many birthdays, but not both.

De-E: A pretty girl is like a melody that haunts you night and day. Just like the strain of a haunting refrain, she'll start upon a marathon, and run around your brain.

Quote:

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Originally posted by OneCentStamp

I sang that just now, to his actual cartoon intro aria, and it was damn amusing. :D ....

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My version, or the original? My version wouldn't scan very well, I'm afraid.

A hawt young woman is much as a song that haunts you night and day. As with a song that you cannot stop in your brain, that girl will start upon a marathon, and run around your brain.

De-E: When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth....

Yours! 'Twas hard to adapt to that rhythm, but funny as crap!

So, in flow of history, figuring it's good timing to cut off filial bonds with Britain, and grab our rightful spot among nations of our world...

De-E: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away